A
female
age
30-35,
*amaof2
writes:I am 21 and so is my fiance'. We have been together on and off for the past 3 years. In the beginning we were very intimate with each other. Now we have a 3 month old little girl and I have a 6 year old son from a previous relationship. I know I was only 14 but I wouldn't change it for anything. Anyways he always tells me when I try to hold his hand in public or french kiss him that I need to stop because all that means is its puppy love for kids. Then when I try to be sexy for him so we can have sex he's not in the mood. I've asked him before are you not attractive to me any more or is it because my body doesn't look like it did before I had the baby. He says no that's not it,"I just don't care for sex" he says. If he doesn't care for sex then why would he always look at porn when I am sleeping or away. Then when one of his friends shows him pictures of naked women or just pictures of women he says how hot they are or how he would like to do one of them. Then when he see's a hot girl on tv he says how hot or sexy they are. He tells me that I know he thinks I'm beautiful but he doesn't tell me I am. He says more about these girls he won't ever met than say anything about me. Its like he would want me to look like that. I don't know what to do. I'm going crazy trying to understand what he means but I don't get it. Then when I dress up and put a little bit of make-up on he'll ask who are you trying to impress. If I comment on how he looks at these girls he'll say well maybe if you'll look nicer for me then maybe I'll show a little bit of attention to you. But then when I do he just says why are you dressing up? I don't know what to do I need help. Some one help me please. We are only 21 and a guy his age shouldn't be saying I don't really care about sex. So please someone if you got an answer for me tell me what I should do.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2009): Hello and congratulations on the arrival of your daughter! It sounds to me that your partner is very immature. You say its been an on/off relationship for 3 years. My advice would be, dont have any more children with him and for the time being concentrate on yourself and the children. His remarks arent helping your self esteem. Tell him that you dont like him talking in a sexual way about other women in your hearing. He should have a lot more respect for you than that. From what youve said about him, it begs the question, why would you want a sexual relationship with him at the moment? I imagine things have never been that great because its not been a stable relationship. It may be time to think about the possibility that you and the children might be better off if he stays in their lives but not as your partner. He isnt making you happy and he doesnt seem to care. So imagine yourself with someone who does find you adorable and end things before this jerk before youre even more confused and unhappy x x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2009): First of all, why are you 21 with a fiance, a 6 year.old kid and then a 3 month old by two diffrent men! Are you serious! Sound like to me you need not to be with a man since it seem that all you do is lay down and have kids! Get your life together first! You have 2 children at the age of 21! Omg! You should be focused on your children only. He doesn't want to be bothered with you because you both are too young! He does not want to settle down yet. Yes he has a child with you now and that makes it worst for him in his eyes. I'm sorry to be so harsh and rude but you need to hear the truth. Leave this guy alone. Focus on yourself and your children, stop trying to grow up so fast and live your life! My goodness!
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (11 December 2009):
Okay, just remember that this is MY opinion and I think it's going to hurt your feelings; but, I think he's just not interested in you anymore. That doesn't mean that you're not a great and attractive woman, but you two are really young, and it sounds to me that he's not ready to settle down. I also think you should end the relationship sooner than later because it sounds to me that if you try to stick with him, he's going to end up cheating on you.
I don't think that the porn is the reason why he's not interested in sex with you (he happens to watch porn like just about every other man that has access to it). He just may have unrealistic expectations of you (and if he was in the same situation with someone else he'd probably feel the same way) or how the relationship should be. He may just want to know what else is out there. We all know that guys take time to mature, and I don't think he's ready to be grown up and stay in a relationship with you. Ditto what DoubleM said.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (11 December 2009):
 Most unfortunately, the best advice here is probably to end this relationship. Make certain that he is obligated to pay child support, then eventually find a man who can accept and love the step-children, and also love you for who you are. None of that will be easy, and you probably should seek spiritual or professional counseling. He is quite apparently unhappy and will make you totally miserable, based on your posting.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (11 December 2009):
 First off, that's REALLY rude and inconsiderate of him to say those things to you and to comment on how hot those other women are. That's just horrible and no guy who's worthwhile would do that and it's extremely disrespectful. Secondly, yes about the porn. If he's turning down sex with you and going for porn instead then yeah, that's for sure going to be killing his sex drive. This is not healthy. No matter what other guys say about a man's right to porn, when a man turns down sex with a living, breathing, woman on a regular basis to have sex with his hand, there is something very wrong. First off, understand it is not your fault. People really can get addicted to porn like drugs, and it's not that difficult for a recreational user to suddenly become addicted. It's his lack of will-power, not your lack of hotness or attractiveness. I'm sure you're a beautiful woman and you shouldn't let this kill your self-esteem. You need to talk to him about the porn. He should be willing to stop cold-turkey until he's "recovered." This might even require therapy for him. If he refuses both of these and prefers to watch videos and have sex with his hand than to have sex with a beautiful woman who obviously cares a lot about him, then he does NOT deserve you and you should find someone better.
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