A
female
age
26-29,
*ameron082
writes:I really need advice on my marriage. I have been married 6 years and am at my breaking point. My husband has gotton to the point that I get tense just being around him. He is constantly criticizing me about my weight (I weigh 112 pounds and have lost 12 in the past six months because I started to feel like I was unattractive to him). Despite the weight loss he says "you still have a belly". He started attacking my job recently saying it is a joke and I need to get a second job to help with money. I work part time because we have a seven year old son, and I am happy at the job that I have. My sense of self is really starting to deteriorate. I am usually a very optimistic person, and my husband seems determined to make me miserable. And I hate to say it but he is starting to get what he wants. It is so hard to even have sex with him lately because I literally feel my body tense up and it is almost impossibe to feel loved by him while we are doing it. He also has gotton really pornographic when it comes to sex and wants me to do all these things I don't feel into. Bottom line, I truly do not feel loved and I don't know how to get him to see that his behavior is not ok. He seems to think he is completely justified in his actions because he is just "being honest". I have begged to have him go to counseling with me but he refuses. Please help!!!
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female
reader, Ginalolabridga  + ♥, writes (2 November 2009):
 The best way is not to think about what he says or turns what you say around, do not be floored by that it is his way of making everything he is not happy with to somehow blaming it on you, huge huge denial issues he has!!
Tell him straight tell him exactly how he makes you feel and don't hold back.
He has to understand you are a human being with feelings and not some controlling object for him to play with.
These things are never easy but have to be done in order for you to move on form this, good luck.
Gina
A
female
reader, cameron082 +, writes (2 November 2009):
cameron082 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the replies so far. It makes me feel good that I am not alone in this. I guess in some weird way I feel sorry for my husband but I know that is not a reason to stay. I long for kind of love and respect that I know is possible. As some readers stated I am afraid of not making it on my own and I am afraid of the impact leaving will have on my son. He is only seven and he has his school here and his friends, and his home. I just wish I knew why my husband can never seem to be happy with me the way I am. I just can't be made to feel not good enough any more. But how should I confront my husband about my feelings? Remember, he tends to deny and turn the blame on me. Thanks!
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A
female
reader, katyayni  + ♥, writes (2 November 2009):
 HiListen to the advice here. Make a detailed list of all the comments and the implications he makes about your weight (as evidence). Pack your stuff and then take him to the cleaners and dent his bank account in the divorce. Use the money to buy you the most attractive wardrobe or a luxurious vacation. Hope I helped.Love :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): Why on earth would you want to spend the rest of your life with a man who treats you like this. Dont think that once you have lost weight and looking good that the emotional abuse with stop... He doesnt love you and sounds like he enjoys tearing down your self esteem.Time for marriage counselling, and if he doesnt want to go then go alone!
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A
female
reader, littlemissshygirl +, writes (2 November 2009):
Why on earth would you want to stay in a relationship with some one who makes you feel like shit? He obviously doesn't care about you, otherwise he'd remind you how wonderful and beautiful and intelligent you are, instead of scrutinising every inch of you. You deserve to be with some one who sees how beautiful you are :)
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A
female
reader, Ginalolabridga + ♥, writes (2 November 2009):
Your husband has some serious issues that really need addressing here.
He is controlling to the point he is wanting a trophy wife by his side!
I would never lose weight for any man i would only lose it for myself, if he does not like you or love you for who you are then i would tell him what i thought of him.
You sound as if you have been reduced to a pulp emotionally by him and that is not healthy, you both need to do some serious talking here because if you remain in this marriage without no changes and no love etc: then what is the point to it?
Your young son will pick up on all this too and that is totally unhealthy for a child, think very carefully why your staying with him and allowing him to belittle you like this, don't ever become dependant on any man trust me you can do this on your own if that is what you want.
If you decide to stay with him i would be telling him BIG CHANGES are needed and asap.
Gina
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): Please listen to me when I tell you, GET THE HELL OUT NOW! He is going to start getting physical with you. Please for the sake of you child, leave now.
From working in law enforcement, I have seen so many women battered and abused that it is unreal. Trust me when I tell you, it's only a matter of time. The verbal abuse is just a start. He is going to get worse. He is just breaking you down to a point where you don't want to leave him. Once he has broken you, he will start hitting you. If he hasn't done it yet, believe me HE WILL!
I urge you with all honesty to leave as fast as you can. Just talk to women who are battered. They will tell you the same thing that I am. If you value your life, please leave on your own instead of in a pine box. Believe me there are several organizations that are willing to help you. Be safe and good luck.
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A
male
reader, Digiman  +, writes (2 November 2009):
 LISTEN to these women who have replied: you need to get away from this loser! From a man's perspective, there is NO EXCUSE for his behavior! He doesn't love you, so why would you stay?
If you're concerned about supporting your child with only a part-time job, remember: ALIMONY
Any husband who belittles his wife for any reason deserves to be dumped.
...Oh, and honey: you are NOT fat! Your husband wants Little Miss Anorexic, he doesn't want you,...and that's NOT your fault!
Best of luck!!!
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A
female
reader, satindesire +, writes (2 November 2009):
 Why on earth would you want to stay married to a man like that? It's not doing you any good, you're unhappy and losing your self esteem. He treats you like shit. There is no reason to remain in that situation anymore.
I suggest you seek a divorce lawyer, stat.
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A
female
reader, jilliebean +, writes (2 November 2009):
Hey! I am being very honest with you when I say this: you need to leave him! He's obviously not goos for you. He's suppose to make you feel good about yourself, but instead he's bringing you down.
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