A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Last night my boyfriend and I were in bed and I was kissing him and he turned round and said 'No *****' (Not my name) so I imediately jumped up and said what did you just call me?? He tried to grab me and hug me and said sorry but at least I was saying No *****, obviously i'm used to saying no to her. ***** is his ex girlfriend. They were together 2-3 years but that was 3 years ago. They have remained friends with a very rocky friendship. Me and him have been together over a year now and this is the first time he's called me by her name. What should I do?? I initially tried to forget it but now its playing on my mind that of all the places he said it was in bed and he said he's obviously used to saying no to her. It's made me wonder what must have happened for him to need to be saying no to her!!
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male
reader, Leodjoneluv  +, writes (3 February 2011):
 dont put to much into it. he probably had spoken to her and she was in his subconscious. but i will tell you such as i tell the males that you should not have to deal with your boyfriend talking to his ex. i believe that the past should be the past. Tell him to choose. When a person deal with past lovers, problems can occur.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2011): I honestly don't see this as a problem. Obviously it's hard to forget but like you said, it's been 3 years and it happened for the first time. I dont think it means anything.
Having said that, I know it would sting me too. But not enough to break up over. Just try not to focuss on it - it will drive you insane.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 February 2011):
 Don't focus on this. It was a slip-up, and him telling you he used to say no to her was his way of trying to cover his ass. Don't get hung up in it, it doesn't mean anything. It's happened only once at that too, so let it go. It happens. Not only between lovers, but friends and family as well. My grandmother used to call me the name of her youngest daughter, my aunt. Did I take offense? No. My other aunt also started calling me the name of a young cousin of mine. Same deal. Sometimes I call my friends the name of another friend. I think I even called my boyfriend the name of my own brother one time.
It doesn't mean anything other than that you're a little ditzy and not paying too much attention to the name of the person! If it was in bed then my guess is that his mind was on something completely different than remembering to say the correct name... Of course it's not fun when it happens. But try and laugh it off anyway. It's no big deal.
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A
male
reader, Liebes Kummer +, writes (3 February 2011):
It happened to me once and her excuse was that the guy was the first guy she had sex with.
For me, the relationship was over !
It could be nothing but, it could also be that he still has some issues to resolve regarding his relationship with her.
Sit down and have a calm, honest chat with him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2011): I wouldn't worry about it too much. Sometimes I nearly call my bf by my exes name. It doesn't mean anything really, other than he's pissing me off the way my ex used to and when you're involved with someone for a long time, an immediate irritated response can become like a reflex.I'd be more worried about what you were doing that annoyed him. People tend to repeat relationship patterns. (note theirs ended in a break up...)It could have been so much worse too, what if you were having sex with him when he said it? That would indicate he still wanted her, him getting irritated just shows that you are frustrating him the way his ex did, not a good sign.It's hard to be friends with someone after you break up, and I think it's normal that it would be a little bit rocky sometimes. I do think it's good that they can be friends. Just because you don't want to be intimate with someone anymore, doesn't mean you can't still enjoy time together and care about each other. You shouldn't worry about his friendship with her.
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A
male
reader, df30 +, writes (3 February 2011):
I agree with capri, being friends with the ex isn't a good deal. I wouldn't appreciate my gf being friends with one of her ex's. As far as saying her name, I think that was just a mental mistake on his half. Does he see his ex regularly? Unless he spends time with his ex occasionally, I wouldn't pay it much attention. I sometimes say the wrong name and I think that's probably what he did, not because he's sleeping with her or anything.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2011): Sounds like freudian slippage.Perhaps he wasn't in the mood and his reflex to say "no" to sex is so closely associated with the girl, he ended up saying her name instead of yours. I don' think it's a big deal. He only said it once and it was a year ago. It wasn't like he screamed her name at climax or anything so I wouldn't worry.What happened to him?Maybe she was too aggressive for his tastses in bed. Maybe she was a nympho or used sex to try to patch up a failing relationship. We can't really know that, but you can if you ask your boyfriend. If this event really upsets you , perhaps ask him so you don't end up making the same mistakes she did.
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A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (3 February 2011):
I think the vast majority of people can't (and shouldn't) remain friends with an ex-partner. I wouldn't allow it from my girlfriend. Why is that? Because, if you really loved someone you would be hurt by keeping contact outside of a relationship. That why I don't like when there is a need to keep a friendship with someone you loved.
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