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Have you ever dumped someone despite knowing how much they loved you?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Breaking up<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 July 2011) 7 Answers - (Newest, 14 July 2011)
A male United States age 51-59, *uiseek writes:

Who has dumped someone even if you knew how much they really loved you, and was how much they loved you the reason why?

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A male reader, idoneitagain Australia +, writes (14 July 2011):

Questions about love with regards to relationships are sometimes difficult to answer because love means so many different things to different people.

I was in a relationship with a woman I loved and who loved me, but the way in which we loved each other didn't seem suited to a romantic relationship. Over time I realised it was like having a very very deep connection with someone which felt more sisterly than romantic. After breaking up which was hard because there was a lot of love between us, we stayed close and managed to keep our love and great relationship going, just not in a romantic sense. She is my best friend and I am very grateful to have her in my life.

In another example, a person might love someone very deeply and have a very deep sense of attraction and a great sexual connection, but somehow they can't seem to have a good relationships, they always argue and find themselves miserable. This would be another example of someone who might love someone deeply but break up because the relationship doesn't work, they aren't a good match despite a great deal of love.

Love, feelings, the relationship between two people, the sexual connection between two people, attraction, spiritual or unconscious connections, and marriage are all related but are all separate areas of human experience. Just because someone loves you deeply is not an indication that a relationship works, and a good relationship without a deep feeling of love might equally not be sufficient.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2011):

No i have not dumped someone whom i loved very much and still do but i know how much hurt an pain it causes to be dumped by someone who claims to love you just as much

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A female reader, Lucky786 United Kingdom +, writes (13 July 2011):

Lucky786 agony auntSometimes love just isn't enough to sustain a relationship.

I was dumped by someone who knew how much I loved him but there were other outside factors that were bigger than our relationship.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2011):

OP your question is so cryptic. perhaps you need to shed more iight here. I am the kind of person who needs MORE DETAILS. you are going to get some of us who are going to go off on a tangent and after the 20th response or so, then when you shed more light, it may seem a waste of energy.

details, OP, details.

LoveGirl

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2011):

I'm thinking about doing it.

Differences in values and jealousy from the other side are big issues.

I feel I have put in effort and that this woman truly loves me, but we are unable to move past some of our differences....and in the end despite feelings of love we will not be the person who can make the other the most happy.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (13 July 2011):

chigirl agony auntThis really comes down what you mean by "true love". You can truly love someone, but still not get along. You can love someone to the point of hysteria, but still act poorly towards them.

I left a boyfriend once who I knew loved me, he was desperate for me, and went phsyco on me when I left. Which proves how he was at the core, not mentally stable. He had a knack for turning lovely things into bad things, like his love for me should have been a good thing, but he used it against me. Acting like " if I do this or that I don't love him" or "I should not do this or say that because I should know he cares". He would ignore me and take me for granted, but if I complained he said I wasn't allowed to complain because I should know how much he loved me. He wouldn't give me care or show his love, he just claimed to love me, and I believe he did love me too. But not the right way.

I have another who said he loved me, but I left him too, because it didn't show. He had a sort of "passive" love, which he did show his love to me, but then at times it was absent and he'd not contact me, or go "cold" at me, sort of emotionless. He claimed to the very end to love me... again, not sure if he understood what love actually is, or maybe it was that he didn't know how to show it, or how to love someone right. I loved him deeply, but dumped him because of his insecurities.

Love alone is never enough. I wish it was, but it isn't. The more you love someone the easier you get hurt by them, so if they aren't always nice there can soon be too much pain.

I will also take a fall myself in this: I loved a man once, but I treated him poorly. So I know it can be done. I loved him so much, yet I was aggressive with him, and verbally and physically abusive towards him.

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (13 July 2011):

eyeswideopen agony auntWhy on earth would someone dump someone they really loved? The only reason I could think of would be unless they could never be together, i.e married or already in a relationship.

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