A
female
age
41-50,
*ap
writes:Oh my goodness, what a day! Right... did i over react?My son has been ill all week with a chest infection, he is 9. His dad and i split 4 years ago and he has never been consistent in our childrens lives since. He can be brill with them when he wants, then he will disappear for weeks on end with no contact what so ever.He has recently returned from being away for a few weeks again and stated he wanted the children all weekend which is most unusual, he often just sees them a couple of hours. As my son had been ill i asked him to keep him warm and let me know how he was. He didnt let me know anything and would not reply to my calls or texts which really annoyed me. Then this afternoon i got a call from a friend of mine saying that she had seen my children in morrisons 'running riot'. My son had approached her and asked her to get me.. my friend stated that my children were with a ginger woman who had no control over them at all and their dad was not there. Obviously i was concerned as to who they were with and why their dad wasnt with them, also their safety given my son has Autism and my daughter is only 5.I again tried to contact him with no answer so i drove over. when i arrived his grandmother(who he lives with) informed me the ginger woman was his new girlfriend and that he has different women there all the time. She went on to say that my son had been told not to wear his jumper by his father as he thought it was warm and my son was shivering saying that he was cold. She said they thought i was coming so had gone out.Just as i was leaving he pulled onto the driveway with his girlfriend and our two children. Thats when i kinda lost it! He denied that my friend had seen the children despite the girlfriend having ginger hair and the children both stated they had been there with her. I then informed her that my ex was having a vasectomy op next week which i know he didnt want her to know about and also we had recently been on holiday together and he had been promising we might try again. I know i sound bitter, which i probably am but this man has never supported our kids and messes with their heads as well as mine! I took the children with me and told him he can get a court order if he wants to see them again. Have i over reacted? thanks for reading my nightmare day!xx
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female
reader, zap +, writes (17 October 2011):
zap is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou all for your support! I didnt sleep a wink last night worrying about it but my children are my world and the thought some random woman was left with them makes my blood boil!
I know i reacted a little childish but given the fact he let them down so badly makes me think stuff it!!
Thanks again xxx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2011): You know what? There are times when you think "did I react badly?" and you may come onto a sight like this and get people's opinion about a good or proper way to behave - and that is all just fine.
But sometimes, especially when it is something that involves your own kids and their health and safety, I think you have to just think "I do not care if I behaved a little immaturely or got it a bit wrong with this one, they are my kids and I love them".
Okay, so mentioning about a vasectomy WAS a little childish...but I'm inclined on this one to say "good for you girl" I would probably have done something like that as well if some random woman were messing with my kids' health and well being.
But in future, yes a court order probably sounds like the sensible way to go. Your ex sounds incredibly immature and unreliable and maybe this is the only way to get him to behave like a responsible Dad. As to trying again, it sounds like you would simply end up 're-training' him to try and be a decent human being and that would drive you nuts - you need someone already 'trained' by their own Mum on how to be a normal and responsible Dad. In his case it sounds like his Mum is aware of his bad behaviour but, just as she probably did when he was a kid, lets him get away with it.
Move on from him and, in terms of what happened today, I would just think this one time "screw you, I'm proud of what I did"!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2011): While I can totally see your point of view I think its time you laid down some rules. You've been apart for 4 years now and there seems to be no routine in place re contact.
I would definately see a solicitor, get strict guidlines and maintenance sorted out.Its time he took serious responsibility for his children.For all your sakes.
The kids need a routine, as you know and while its good they see their dad it has to have a pattern. Then when he has them, he needs to be left to look after them.You need to trust him with them.He has to learn to be responsible.
Hope it all gets settled soon. x
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A
female
reader, Shadow Rose  +, writes (17 October 2011):
 From a motherly standpoint, you were in the right to get mad. As a mom, you probably know the expression "mother bear". Your kids weren't in good hands, so you went mother bear on them. It's perfectly natural.
My only advice is that telling the redhead about the vasectomy may have been a little childish..
I hope your son feels better!
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