A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello , my problem is i dont know what i want in life in an ideal world i would like to get married and have children but i fear doing that . Im 36 and still live at home with my parents my dad isnt well so i help out a lot , i had a girlfriend who i didnt give much time to and felt she wanted more than i could or would give . I will admit it took me a few month to go on the first date because of family and stuff and ive not made effort after. we sent a couple of pictures to each other we havent slept with each other either . Weve had talks and i keep saying i dont know what i want and i hold back a lot because i dont want to get hurt . I always put my family first and myself before her . She had a few problems and i backed off and gave her space instead of being there for her . its like i darent cut the apron strings from home and im stuck in my ways . We decided to split but stay internet friends , she did remind me if i dont make effort ill be alone later in life which i agreed . Am i an idiot for not trying ? what should i do ? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, N91 +, writes (9 June 2016):
 If you want to be married and have kids why wouldn't you put any effort in ? That doesn't make sense.
Fair enough you're family orientated, but you're not going to meet anyone if you don't allow yourself to interact with people.
A
female
reader, answerfromtheheart  +, writes (7 June 2016):
 The fact that you are taking care of your father says a lot about you as a person. Give yourself some credit. I always believed that a guy has a much stronger gut feeling than a woman when it comes to selecting a mate. If you want to be happy, you have to trust your gut will not let you walk away from a woman that will make you happy for the rest of your life. That's why men are the ones proposing to women and not the other way around (at least most of the time). Don't doubt yourself too much. Settling just for the sake of settling sucks. Don't do it. But don't stop dating and exploring, meeting new people, enjoying activities with others. You may not have found the woman of your dreams yet, but you need to have experience with the wrong ones too. Don't be afraid of it. It's all pat of life. By knowing what you don't like will make it easier to figure out what you do like and want in your life.Don't give up. You are not an idiot. She is still out there.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2016): " Am i an idiot for not trying ? "well that all depends on if you can handle losing her for good and regretting it later. I believe in fighting for love and if you truly love her and want to build something with her PUT IN THE EFFORT. you are a good guy for being there for your family, but you are also very capable of making a life of your own and doing both. we are all afraid of being hurt, but sometimes we have to put ourselves out on a limb and take that risk to experience great love. your young but life is fast and you could wake up at 50 wondering what if..
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