A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Can anyone - preferably male - shed any light on how a man who is otherwise very confident will behave when he is supremely shy with women, and very very rarely takes interest in a woman in the sense of being attracted to her? I ask because I'm not sure if someone notoriously shy with women has just asked me out or not. He gives all the signs of being besotted with me, and I can honestly see a future together with him as we seem extremely compatible - but is also extremely formal in everything he does and extremely overworked in his job. I asked him a very simple "yes or no" work related question by email recently - it honestly was not a ploy or anything like that, I just needed to know a fact - and he asked if he could call me a week later to discuss the issue in general - this really wasn't necessary, the question does relate to a much bigger issue but I just asked a very specific, simple thing about it that he could have answered in two seconds flat. I was a bit puzzled. But I have sensed for a long time that he is drawing closer to me eg. increasingly telling me more about what he is doing outside of work etc, recommending things for me to see and do in our city, telling me how much he has enjoyed things that I've said or done at work - which I am due to leave in 2 months as he knows - but still extremely shy - and, in a very roundabout way, I think he did already kind of 'test the water' by saying 'give me a run down on how....works sometime' - he was referring to a specialist area that I know about and that he is really interested in, but the way he said this was very flirty. Anyway, when he asked if he could call me to discuss this issue that in fact did not need discussing I said "yes sure" even though all he had to do was to say "yes" or "no". So, this week, instead of calling me like he said, he sent a text saying that he would call me when he got a minute, maybe next week...but then said that he was going to be at a certain, vaguely work related but 99% social event that evening and if I fancied a drink we could meet there. As it happened, it was totally impossible for me to go, so I said why and he wished me luck with the thing I was busy with. But then I texted back, thanked him for his good wishes and said if he liked we could meet up another time when we both have time. He responded instantly saying yes and suggesting we meet in about two weeks (he knows I am massively busy until around then), so I said yes, get in touch then and we can arrange it. What I'm still not sure of is...is this how a man might behave if he is interested in you as a woman rather than only as a work colleague? Or could he simply not be bothered to call me to discuss the issue that did not actually need discussing and instead suggested a drink because it was easier for him? I've asked a friend who knows him and she said he would never, not in a million years, ask a female out in this way unless he really, really liked her as he is so shy and also usually makes very strict divisions between work and 'play' - in fact, he would just have emailed me "yes" or "no" to my question or ignored it altogether. But why on earth did he say he would 'phone me when he had time - ie. meaning he was busy - and then also suggest meeting for a drink? Was he trying to say that 'phoning me about the work issue was one matter and coming out to meet for a drink was a different kind of 'meeting'? I can honestly imagine that this would be his shy way of differentiating the two.And I know he probably sounds weird, but I adore him. Any opinions welcome please!
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female
reader, malvern + ♥, writes (29 July 2013):
 Basically what you have written is a bit difficult to understand. I'm not a man, so I can't answer the question as you would like, but all I can say is that you're never going to know how he feels until you actually meet him for a drink. You should then be able to tell whether he means business or pleasure from the way he acts towards you during that time.
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