A
female
age
30-35,
*trawberryYouth
writes:I'm confused. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year. Lately, he's been somewhat.. eh, I want to say aggressive. To the extent where it's starting to annoy, worry, and hurt me. What I mean by aggressive is that he used to be soft, and sweet. Now when I ask him "Are you there, where'd you go?" because he did not respond to me and I'm curious, instead of giving me an honest answer like "Went to the bathroom" he will say "To get away from you" or "I don't want to talk to you." Once I let him know this is hurting me, he says "Just kidding" but he's done a few times, and I let him know each time it hurts me. He also tells me really mean things, and has made it almost invisible to people that we're even together. This isn't the usual him. Could there possibly someone else, that he is trying to get to, and using me as a temporary thing? I don't want to press the issue, because it has already been brought up and he has told me no, and that he loves me.I should also mention that we're in a long distance relationship, and have not yet seen each other. Recently, we've both been saving up so we can. But, I'm starting to think he's given out on it, and doesn't want to see me at all. I know it's harder to speak to someone over a computer, or phone rather than face to face, and it's bothering me. He acts like he wants nothing to do with me, and I have to make all of the plans to talk, or start a conversation. I love him, but I'm not so sure how much more of this I can take.Is there any way to possibly fix this, without having to end the relationship? I've already tried talking to him, and he just gets annoyed, and gets mad at me. I feel like our relationship is falling apart, and it's really affecting my life. I'm not sure if I should look for better or not. I have very low self-confidence and that throws me away from the dating category. I've been in only online relationships, and they've all be fine. Most of them were ended because of the lack of communication. But I feel like in this relationship, we talk almost constantly, just not how I would like to. He's gotten bitter, and it's not him. I tell him he's changed, and he refuses.He tells me loves me more than anything, but then he acts like it was just lines read from a script. Please help, I'm lost and confused. I have had no luck with finding an answer.
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female
reader, StrawberryYouth +, writes (8 September 2010):
StrawberryYouth is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you, CindyCares for the advice. Honestly, it's good to have people giving me advice, it's really helping my relationship. Last night he was ore compassionate then before, and I'm hoping it keeps up. Thanks again, and I will still wait it out just in case he needs to ease himself.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 September 2010):
 Yes, there could be someone else. Not my theory ; I just pass it to you same as I have just read it.
A sudden, out of character aggressivity or irritability is one of the signs of actual cheating , or intention to cheat. Because they feel guilty, and in a position where they'd have to defend themselves. So, what's the best defense ? Attacking first.
In general ( and this instead is a theory of mine ) no man likes taking the initiative to break up. They prefer entering into passive-aggressive mode, and start acting rude or cold or sulky, - until the woman 's self-confidence and peace of mind are semi-erased and she says : Enough ! I can't take this any more.
I don't want to scare you unnecessarily, because, on the other hand, this may just be a phase, he might have personal concerns that you don't know, he may not be feeling his usual self for thousands of reasons, - so I'd just advise you to wait some more and see what happens. BUT always keeping in mind that "actions speak louder than words ".
It's the easiest thing to say, or to write, I love you I love you I love you. But love is ACTION. Love is something you show by your deeds.
So : forewarned is foretold...
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A
female
reader, StrawberryYouth +, writes (8 September 2010):
StrawberryYouth is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you tennisstar88 for the advice. I will see forward that I have a serious talk with him about his actions. I'm hoping he will be understanding about it, and wont get angry with me. Thanks again. (:
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (8 September 2010):
 Everyone has LDR issues today..Here's the thing for any LDR to work communication is key! I should know because I married my last LDR. Think about it, you can't see(unless you skype but even then), touch, or small so all you have left to hold on to is to talk until it's possible to visit one another.
Now, he's saying things like he doesn't want to talk to you or is trying to get away from you joking or not that sounds like he is trying to shake you off. If he is really into you and this relationship they he wouldn't talk to you like that. I don't think there's another girl, I just think he's not cut out for a LDR and not everyone can handle it. Really talk to him about his jokes they hurt your feelings and let him know that you want this to work so he has to put in his effort for communication. Sorry but you're going to have to press the issue there's no unsaid way to fix this other than a serious chat.
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A
female
reader, StrawberryYouth +, writes (8 September 2010):
StrawberryYouth is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the suggestion, I will try to back myself from him, and give us both the time to think things over. I think it may be best to lay off one another for awhile. Thanks again. (:
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2010): It sounds like he's noticed lots of things are bothering you and is finding it all a little overwhelming or clingy. Your low self confidence wouldn't be helping this too. You need to try and feel better about yourself! Think about all the things you like about yourself. Think about why he likes you so much.
Are you always the one to initiate contact? Communication is essential, but for his sake, don't be there trying to talk to him 24/7, give yourselves the chance to miss each other and do other things. Let him be the first to contact you next time.
Piecing things together from what you've said, I'm wondering if, because you don't have a lot of confidence that he'll like you as much in person and also because this issue is being brought to a head now that you're both saving to see each other, I'm wondering if you might be acting a little bit anxious at the moment? Think carefully - are you asking him where he's been or what he's been doing more often than usual? Because him being more aggressive is probably a frustrated response to that kind of needy or anxious behaviour. I'm not saying he's justified in this, I'm saying if you stop and breath deeply and try not to worry so much and start talking to him in a more lighthearted, fun way - talk about how great it would be to see him rather than worry where he's gone off too - you will probably see much more positive responses in him.
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