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Has anyone reached my age with zero experience in love?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Gay relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 November 2010) 4 Answers - (Newest, 12 November 2010)
A male United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Dear agony aunts and uncles, I have yet to ever be in a relationship. I am 21 and gay, and incidentally have so many self-esteem issues. I don't know who to speak with, because i think expressing it vocally will only make my friends think I am trying to fish for compliments, but really I feel so insecure in comparison to other gay guys. I feel there is always something better than I. I try staying positive, but then there are days like these when I am lonely and I would like to have someone there for me. I have been liked before, but I didn't really know what to do. There's this guy I met on a dating site and we live like an hour and a few minutes apart, but he drove to see me...some friends have told me this indicated he was interested in me, but shortly after our date he was in a relationship with another guy. He is now single, but at all times he's always been on my mind. Were facebook buddies, but we never speak anymore...and we still live far from each other...I am sure he doesn't care for me, cos by this point he hardly talks to me...but the little I have, my all, I would want to give to him. I wish he knew how much I think of him, and how I'd like to treat him like the King he deserves to be treated as. It sounds creepy/cheesy I know, but I can't help it. At any rate I know nothing will happen with how can I forget him? How can I find someone that likes me too? What can I do to be better at dating? Has anyone reached my age with zero experience in love? I have so many questions...any input would appreciated...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks to all for the feedback. I mean it from the bottom of my heart. I don't know where to turn to, and when I turned here and received this feedback, it touched me a lot. And I don't mean to take credit from anyone, but Jamie your response seems so sincere, and I am sorry you're going through something similar. Needless to say it warms my heart and fills me with hope, to know there are people as kind and thoughtful as you and all the other posters. I can only anticipate, meeting more people like you guys in the real world. Anyway, thanks a lot for the advice everyone...and sorry for such a generic reply...just know that I am trying to soak up all your advice, and I am infinitely thankful you. Took some your time to read and write back

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A male reader, Jamie A United Kingdom +, writes (11 November 2010):

Jamie A agony auntHi there,

I hope your well. I am a 23 year old gay guy living in London and I really do know how you feel. I have never been in a relationship and would love one. I know I am good looking and a good person with a good heart and I think all you can do is stay true to who you are and keep the faith that one day you will meet someone perfect for you.

Don't get down or think there is anything wrong with you personally or that you are rushing to keep up with others who might have had a boyfriend, we are all different.

You need to get yourself out there and though it might take a while hopefully sooner or later you will experience love and fulfill all your dreams.

I wish you the best of luck and happiness. :)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010):

Oh, please! There are many people in their 20s and 30s who have zero experience in love. It is not uncommon.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010):

You're still young. You have your whole life ahead of you. You'll find someone. You have to quit being so hard on yourself. Others are not better than you; they're just more experienced. I'm sure you're a great and sensitive guy who someone will love and appreciate. I can tell by your post that you have heart and soul and someone out there will notice that and love you all the more for it.

As for love, I only know that when it's time, you'll meet someone who's meant for you.

I'm close friends with a male gay couple, and I'm always so moved and touched by the depth of their love for each other. One time one of them was talking about a costly renovation he wanted to do in their house. The other started going on about how expensive it would be. And then their eyes met, and seemed to shine with love, and the one who'd balked moments earlier about the cost said: "But if that's what you want, that's what we'll do." LOL!

They're lucky to have each other, but they didn't get there overnight. It took a long time and a lot of dating until they found the right one.

There's a right one out there somewhere for you, and he probably isn't that guy you met. But you could always give the relationship another try by simply opening communication with him. Maybe he thinks you're not interested in him.

Start posting messages to him and see if he warms up to you. If he does, don't come on too strong, too fast, or else you might scare him off. But tell him you often think of that night you met and that his friendship means a lot to you. Don't worry about whether it sounds cheesy. Cheesy can be good when it comes to romance. Who wouldn't want someone to pledge their undying love?

If things don't work out with him, there are a lot of other lonely people out there who are thinking the same thing you are and are hoping to meet someone special. You just need to find them. You need to mingle more and maybe try some other dating sites or gay communities online.

Good luck. I wish you the best! :-)

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