A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Confidence has never been my forte in life and it is holds me back in so many things. In my early 20's I had even lower levels of confidence and has stuck with me since. I am now 30 and have missed out so many opertunitys in life.. ASKIN women out, goin for jobs, new experiences I've pretty much been numb for the past 8 years.. And it frustrates me in the time I've lost as I've missed out on chances. Has anybody else ever missed out on time and then got past it and been able to get on afterwards without too much regret?. Thanks
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (18 December 2018):
 Regrets are pointless drains on energy. They achieve nothing positive. You can regret until the cows come home but it will change NOTHING.
What would be a much more useful positive step to take would be to decide what you want to change about your life, what skills you are lacking to achieve these changes and what you are going to do to remedy the situation.
For instance, what job would you like to do? What skills/experience do you need to get such a job? How are you going to get these skills/experience?
Be brave. Dare to believe in yourself. Even taking small steps is progress as long as these steps are in the right direction. Never be put off by how long something may take you as the time will pass anyway so you may as well use it wisely.
A new year will be dawning soon. Make a resolution that you are going to do a little something every day which will push the borders of your comfort zone a little bit. Good luck. You know you can do this.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (18 December 2018):
 You made it sound like you are going to push through your fears and start dating or look for new job prospects only if enough people told you that yes you will regret in the future. Or else, you would just get comfortable with the status quo. I need to understand when you are saying going for jobs, does that mean you are jobless or you want better jobs. That's a big difference. Having money is important because without it, the only girlfriends you get would be low quality. I don't only see low confidence but also anxiety issues too, if it seems so hard to land yourself a job. If you do have anxiety, you need more guidance and healing than just telling yourself to go for things in life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2018): It's never too late. You're only in your 30's.I married the man I dated since I was 20 yrs old. I didn't love him or really even know what love was. I only married him because I moved out with him to encourage him to complete his college degree because he was going to give up in his final year of college. After he graduated it seemed like the next step was to move in together and get married. I never loved him. 10 years later after 2 kids, I realized I didn't want to go through life like this. We divorced. I had custody of both kids at the time.. one was 8 and the other 6 yrs old. I worked and took care of both kids on my own never asking a single penny from him.5 years after the divorce, I met a man who is 9 years younger than me. He accepted my children and I. I felt the love and spark with this man. We dated, we loved. We had the best sex ever. I experienced everything I never experienced when I was younger. I've been with this man for 6 years now and we are more in love than ever. My children are also teenagers and accept us and give us freedom to date and enjoy our lives as a single couple.Don't let loss of time or age stop you from experiencing life. Also, it's better that you experience it later as you can make better decisions and have more confidence now.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2018): So what are you going to do about it, look back and regret it in another ten years time?
Lots of great advice off two of the best cupid advisers on here, you know what you need to do
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2018): We all have different levels of confidence and achievement. I think what you, other readers, and myself find ourselves doing is comparing our lives and achievements to those others. Do the best that YOU can do. That's what matters.
Backup a bit. Why must we always put ourselves down? What kind of spirit overtakes us that this is ever necessary?
I mean, lets think about it.
If you're not in a competitive sport, or competing for a prize; then you're simply doing your best to survive in this world. You've got a brain, a conscience, and a soul. That's the purpose of life's trials and tribulations. To gain and develop tools for survival; and build up our tolerance to adversity.
If you've lived to the age of 30, and haven't lost your mind or your life; you're doing something right, my good man! How did you do it for the lack of confidence? Be logical!
If you focus on your weaknesses and faults without doing anything about them; all you're doing is amplifying them. Therefore your self-loathing behavior will only magnify them out of proportion. Took me a lifetime to learn this, dear sir! Our society sets unrealistic standards in beauty, achievement, and the how to achieve wealth. Look how greedy, conceited, and insensitive society has become in the 21st century. Impersonal, disrespectful, and socially awkward.
If you're a low-key dude, embrace it! I don't mean lazy, slothful, or lacking ambition. That's not my point. Strive for something, but put more into it than putting yourself down. That's my point.
We judge our progress by how well we're beating-out that dreaded brother-in-law who makes a mountain of cash, keeping up with the neighbor with the late-model Mercedes; or obsessively competing with our coworkers or colleagues for status and power. Then we start to over-criticize our faults and exaggerate our shortcomings. "Everybody's better than me." "Why do I fail at everything?" "Why does God hate me?"
Give yourself a break. Success is survival in spite of our daily challenges. If you can make it through a whole year without ending-up six-feet under; brother, thank God and celebrate! People give-up and lose hope. The turn to alcoholism and drug addiction. They turn to crime. They become bitter, mean, and abusive. It's starts with hating themselves. Belittling themselves. Over-criticizing themselves.
Please take an extra-strength chill-pill, my friend! Set some goals to improve what you can; and commit yourself to achieving them. Your 2019 New Year's resolution!
Stop and give yourself a little credit; even if your confidence can't be turned-up above medium-range! Maybe low frequency is high as it should get; because there are other qualities within you have that you should take more advantage of.
You're a humble guy! What is wrong with that?
God magnifies the humble above the boisterous. If you're a shy and mellow dude, you're a breath of fresh air compared to the arrogant, sarcastic, pompous overbearing asshats people vote into office, obnoxious comedians; and overpaid narcissistic celebrities they shove down our throats and saturate the internet on social media!
Our modern-culture is leading people to believe; if you don't make a truck-load of cash, you're a loser.
Let me tell you what a loser is! If you're lazy and won't get your ass up each day, and go to work; or if you have no work-ethic...that's a loser!
If you're pushing 40, and living off women, and taking advantage of others! That's a freaking loser! If you're well-past 25, and still mooching off your parents; and can't take care of them in their old-age...that's a godforsaken loser!!!
You're putting yourself down over your confidence-level?
You may feel like your confidence-level is too low; but you're comparing it against that of other people you know. If you feel lacking confidence is such a problem; why haven't you done anything about it? If you're not going to do anything about it, but complain; that in itself is your problem.
If you're low-key, lay-back, or shy; you should gear your sites more towards women of a more genteel and subdued personality-type. If you were always directing all your attention to popular more extroverted "hot-chick" type of women, you were playing in the wrong field. It wasn't the lack of confidence; it was ignoring commonsense, which was trying to tell you that's not your type anyway!
If you missed out on a job interview, your job-qualifications should have compensated for your lack of confidence. You might fool a person at an interview if you're a fast-talking con-man or a grifter; but your qualifications, experience, and past work-performance are what really what a keen employer looks for. If you don't believe in yourself, nobody else can.
I have personally missed some golden-opportunities due to procrastination, or fear that I might not fit the challenge. I may have missed my chance with with the right person by over-thinking; or feeling unsure if they really liked me, or was just pretending. I just didn't know if I was what they perceived me to be? If anybody out there can't relate to your post, I'd like to meet them! They've got a secret they should share with the world.
Don't live your life in regret, or demean yourself. We all perform according to our limitations, and the talents we have. I learned that sometimes we pursue things we're not cutout for; and blame ourselves if we fail. Sometimes envy makes us undercut and berate our own achievements; because we're ungrateful for our blessings. Thereby allowing jealousy of others to distort our self-perception. Letting low self-esteem make us put ourselves down unfairly; and being our own worst critics. Then pick yourself up, instead!
My advice to you is, to seek self-improvement through reading, attend classes or seminars, get a life-coach, and pray. If you believe in any kind of faith and worship, use it. I believe there is a Great Being bigger than ourselves that watches over us. If you choose not to believe that, or if you're far too intelligent and educated for that; then you should tap into that certainty that humanity is high as intelligence goes. It should be a good foundation to build-on, if there's nothing out there more intelligent or more powerful than we are. You should be more sure of yourself.
Give to help others. Be kind, and show compassion. Being the best and the most beautiful, or the smartest isn't all there is. Being humble is good. Being loving is good. Being a good person, is better than being all the best of everything; yet you're a total jerk who has everything, but nobody can stand you!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (17 December 2018):
 You can either LIVE with that regret Or ACCEPT that THAT WAS the old you, and then start to live in the here and now and look to the future.
Sure, there are things I wish I had done differently or thing I had went for with more confidence and gusto, but I didn't. What's the point in "crying" over spilled milk? I can't go back and change things, it IS what it is.
And really dating MANY women isn't something you have missed out on. It's just something you haven't done. I'd say it's WAY more "important" to date the RIGHT woman (or women) than date/ask out a lot of women.
The thing is, you CAN learn from past mistakes and work on HOW to not repeat them (or in your case, continue to make them, like NOT going for jobs you want.) THAT is doable. WASTING time with regretting the "could have been" is pointless.
You are in your 30's so it's NOT like "life is over", It's a GREAT age to begin new things, set new goals, STICK to those goals and plans you make. Just don't TRY and do it all in one go. TAKE one thing at a time and commit. Like getting fit, taking a course that will increase your earning potential and give you more career opportunities, travel, save up for XYZ, have a "better" social life, be more active in your community...
Let the past go. YOU can not change that.
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