A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok this is a really confusing and complex situation and I need some guys point of view on this but ladies feel free to help ;) I've been friends with this great guy for about a year now and we went to college together. We're both pretty much finished with school but we both love it so much (being a teachers assistant and learning more about our practice) that we still see each other all the time which makes it really hard considering I'm not sure if we're still friends, potential lovers or what. For months I wasnt really attracted to him but he seemed kind of into me. We went out together with friends and talked every once in a while on the phone and all the time in school but I think he knew I liked some other guy at our college so he never persued me...plus there's a big age difference between us (I'm 27, he's 22 but doesn't act like it) so I figured he was holding back because of that and b/c he wasn't sure how I would take it. One day I flirted through text just to flirt and have fun cuz i did think he was cute but because of the age thing I was reluctant, but figured what the hell? Well he flirted back and we started getting a little closer. We talked almost every day or texted and he invited me places but I never went b/c I was afraid he was just trying to use me for sex. Part of me wanted to believe he was interested but something kept warning me to not rush and take it slow...so I tried to take it slow and never went on those dates, except for one on my birthday (he invited me somewhere with him and his friends but I couldn't stay very long) By this time he had really started to grow on me and I started finding out how truly amazing he is and he's one of the most accomplished people I know and he's only 22! It blew me away with all the things I found out when we were getting closer and I ended up coming on too strong. Here I am not going on these dates he asked me to go on, trying to take things slow and trying to make sure he's not just trying to get sex out of me, but then i started coming on too strong by texting him too much, flirting too much and asking if I could meet up with him places he never asked me to go on. He agreed to them but they never happend b/c he was really getting freaked out and eventually told me. (Yeah I felt pretty low, coming on to someone I didn't even like that much at first and then ended up scaring him away by coming on so strong)I really felt like we were moving at the same pase but he told me I was moving too fast...so I slowed WAY the hell down. I went about 2 weeks with out talking to him or texting and even found a way to not run into him in school and everything was fine or so I thought. Well in January I went to a party at a friends house and he was there. When I first saw him I kept my cool and just said hey to him and he gave me a big hug and talked to me a LITTLE at first...but once them drinks started rollin in he started being GLUED to me. He was being SO sweet to me and eventually started trying to bust the moves on me and kissed me, and KEPT kissing me. We got teased by our friends because we wouldn't stop kissing and I was still in shock by the way he was acting but at the same time I enjoyed it b/c I still liked him. He wasn't sloppy drunk though, so I figured he had to know what we were doing and that he meant what he said when he apologized for getting freaked out and avoiding me like he had been doing, and that he promised he wouldn't do it again (and he hasn't)but after all my best efforts of resisting him all night, we ended up having the greatest sex ever. He held me and rubbed my back and we looked into each others eyes and just kissed each othe lovingly on each others faces and fell alseep together. Well when he left the next morning after we had sex again (yes its bad I know) he kissed me bye and said he's call me.... but when I didn't hear from him the rest of the day after I sent a few short sweet texts I started to get a lil worried that he had used me or maybe regretted what we did (which would pretty much take back all the things he said)A few days later we talked briefly and sure enough he told me that he kind of regrets what happened and that he was too drunk to know what he was doing ;( I was SO hurt by that you have no idea. I said "Oh, so you were just using me?" and he said he wasn't trying to use me, he just didn't want us to hook up because he didn't want all the drama that would probably come after it and he didn't want to move that fast and have things happen that way. I have made a lot of mistakes with this guy, obviously, and I was wondering if any of you could tell me if I have any kind of chance of us fixing this and how do we? We took the first step and we have both admitted to each other that we both messed up and he even said he would take all the blame for it. Plus we still see each other in school and talk but do you think I have any chance of making this work? ;( I know he's young but I care about him so much and I've known him for so long as JUST a friend doesn't that count for anything? Do I have any shot at being with him after coming on so strong and hooking up when I was drunk? Please you guys any advice ;( Thanks
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male
reader, 2old4this +, writes (1 February 2009):
 After you messaged me I read it again and yea, deffinitely let him make the next moves. Play it cool. But I will say if you find yourself in an intimate situation with him don't be afraid to get a little close to him and kinda test the water a little. You never know.
A
male
reader, 2old4this +, writes (31 January 2009):
The outlook is not good. For one, he just doesnt seem interested in what you are interested in. Which is understandable for a guy his age. I feel like you should just remain friends with him, but not too close of friends otherwise thats what you will always be. Later on, and i'm talking in years here, he might be ready for you. But, i'm betting you would be moving on yourself by then. From what you said, back off again and let him come to you.
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