A
female
age
22-25,
Kissies4ubaby
writes:I have been married for a year and have a 3 yr old son to my husband, I cant say that I have loved him since we have had our son, he is dificult, lazy and agressive and totally dependent on me, like a child. I work very hard in a very high pressured job and am starting to get very intolerant with him.Us and some friends were at a festival a few days ago when i was introduced to this guy. I have never felt like this before, Do you ever get the feeling you know someone even though you have never met? We talked for a couple of hours and shared a lot of same interests and views and since I havent been able to stop thinking about him, thinking about what it would be like to kiss him and I am just totally smitten by him. The bizzare meeting and events leading up to the meeting are pointing in the direction of fate but i cant get him out of my head, what should I do and has anyone else ever had this sort of attraction? Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (15 July 2008):
 TYPO - i meant you should NOT be unfaithful!!!!!!!!!
A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (15 July 2008):
Don't do anything before you know he IS the love of your life before you do anything!!!!!! It can just seem like that - fish is always freshest when you first catch it ; ) (someone said that to me recently and I could see what he meant!)
You did promise to be with your husband forever, even when he was being horrid, so you should give him a chance, but I'm afraid you won't - you are set on course now for this new guy, and I think nothing will stop you. (just being realistic here!)
So, I think you should get to know the new guy properly, along with telling yr husband he's being horrible and please to start behaving better. Then you should choose. You should be unfaithful, though. If you do choose the new guy, you should separate from yr husband first - that really is only fair.
Moralising apart, I think it is more than possible to meet someone and love them and get married, and then meet someone else later who you are much better matched with, and who you love - in a romantic sense - much much more. It is, simply, possible to marry on too weak a relationship. I did. And if that's the case, the only thing to do is to cut your losses. If you really have been lucky enough to bump into the love of your life, you should be with him.
And as far as the marriage contract goes, does your husband fufill all of his vows? Does he even try to, or feel bad about not supporting you, etc.? I imagine not. So don't feel guilty about that. He's already broken the deal.
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A
male
reader, caveman  +, writes (15 July 2008):
Married for a year and wavering already. Suggest you recap on your VOWS. They be the words said at ceremony, remember?
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  + ♥, writes (15 July 2008):
 You don't know what to do. You're not happy in your marriage, on the one hand, and you have found someone who feels just right, on the other. You need to go one direction or the other, and you don't have enough force to move in either direction.
Like other people have said, you have to work on your marriage first. That might mean losing this new guy. But, as the Sister wisely said, he's no "elixir". Maybe he is right for you, but it is also possible that he would only be somebody else you met if you weren't unhappy.
If I were you, I would try to solve the marriage thing first, right now. My mistakes have taught me that you must not simply wait for things to happen, particularly when you're stuck in a dilemma.
I hope your marriage is within salvation. If it's not, and you end it, you will find yourself standing on your own feet and in a position to do what's right for both your baby and you.
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister  +, writes (15 July 2008):
 These attractions are actually quite common. What's interesting is that the degree of unsatisfaction in your current relationship is proportionate to the degree of "fate" "soulmate" you'll experience to someone else. All of the complaints you listed about your spouse and your life almost guarantees you'll have that soulmate jolt when you meet someone that you'd otherwise feel just some tepid level of chemistry with. The new guy isn't some elixir and can only provide you a temporary escape from all the crap that you are facing in your life that's not going to go away until you fix it.
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A
female
reader, Fade878  +, writes (15 July 2008):
 In life we will be faced with trials, obstacles, and temptations. Even though we are human and will make mistakes, it is still expected we make the right choices. Often times doing the right thing is not the same as doing what we want. I will say, doing the right thing 100% of the time, will keep us from unnecessary heartache, turmoil.
That you are a Wife and Mother, the responsibility of doing what is right for your family- should be everything.
I am sure you once felt the same thing for your Husband. But then married life and the grind has set in.
Your mind set, and being unforgiving towards your husband, let alone trying to make the marriage work.
I recommend couples counseling to get the open communication going- it sounds like you both need a course in marriage expectations, communication.
I also will say make time to read two books. The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families, and Men are From Mars and Women are From Venus.
While you are reading those books, you will still be family oriented, still be putting marriage and family first, and you will be much happier than indulging in an affair that won't go anywhere.
Taking the momentary easy way out usually means there is hell to pay.
Be wise.
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A
male
reader, eddie + ♥, writes (15 July 2008):
 Attraction is normal. These feelings may also be amplified by the fact you're not thrilled with your married life. You need to work on your relationship at home before you go too far. It is easy to get caught up in attraction. The truth is you don't really know much about the other guy. We all put our best efforts forward when meeting strangers. This is especially true of the opposite sex.
I have experienced this type of thing in my marriage although we were still in love. Sometimes attention from another person still feels good. It is a great opportunity to see what is missing at home and try to rebuild that same feeling.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers + ♥, writes (15 July 2008):
Well you need to tell your hubby to shape up or ship out.
You married him, you committed to him and you vowed to try and work through the bad patches. You can't just throw that away or your promises are always going to be meaningless.
Talk to him and get him to counselling if possible.
I do believe in fate but I also believe that if you stand up and enter into a contract of marriage with someone then tough cheese, you are stuck there unless he voids the contract.
if this new guy really is your one true love / soul mate etc etc.... then fate will get you together. But you have to do the right thing in order to deserve that.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, Jen86 +, writes (15 July 2008):
talk to your husband if you want to save your marriage. Mariage councelling may be an option for this. If not divorce him and then see where it goes with this new guy. But don't keep your husband as a fall back. This is unfair to both of you and your son as you would have used him as a safety net and also he would emotionally blackmail you for this.
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