A
female
age
30-35,
*uminuh
writes:I don't know if i am over the man of my past relationship that just ended so abruptly, he is very bitter about it but we had so much because it was first love. Do you agree you will always be attached to your first love?When ever i am with my new boyfriend whom i started dating about 2-3 days after the ending of our 3 year relationship, i feel like it seems i just want to make it right with the old before i can move on but he won't talk to me and i feel like that is the step i need to take to continue the new chapter in my life.What do i need to do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2009): I have just recently been dumped by my boyfriend of nearly four years. he started seeing someone 2 days if that after we broke up. Although we werent in a happy place together he still claims to love me so much. I dont understand how anyone can claim to have true feelings for someone then be over them in a matter of days and start seeing someone else. Is that possible? I certainly know that splitting up was probably the for the best but i am by no means any closer to getting over it after a month has passed.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2009): It was only when I encountered my first love after 8 years that old feelings came back. They came back because I never had any closer or a bad break up where I was disgusted by her. I contacted her quickly to get it resolved and I was able to move on and never to expect us to ever get back together. My current GF I feel is getting my whole heart and I am more confident to say I see a brighter future with her. doesn't work for everyone to say the lease. Worked for me.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (28 September 2009):
You just need to give your heart time to heal itself. It will. Some never get over the first loves and it ruins their lives. Most do get over their first loves. Focus on your new boyfriend and all his great qualities and soend time with him. The old will settle itself as you realize that the new is better.
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A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (28 September 2009):
 I just got dumped abruptly, without discussion or debate or warning, by my fiancée who I had been dating for three years. And she was not my first love. And I was surrounded by over a dozen close friends praying for me, comforting me, and helping me move on. It's been five weeks now, and I'm not fully moved on yet. It takes time.In your case, you're much more recently out of this relationship, and it was your first love so it was that much more special to you. I agree with Pinktopaz entirely: This new boyfriend is nothing but a rebound so you can fill the hole in your heart left by your long term first boyfriend. You will not, CAN not be over the first guy this soon if you truly loved him at all. It just doesn't work that way, and hearts don't move on that fast.I am entirely, 100% (well, maybe 99%) over my first love, but it's been six years now since we broke up. I would say that if you must be in a rebound relationship, please do your new boyfriend the favor of telling him that you're emotionally strained now, not entirely sure what you feel, and that you don't know for sure that you can ever really commit to him. At least let him know what he's getting into. Meanwhile, please tell YOURSELF that you're emotionally strained right now etc., because I know first hand that it's very difficult to figure out what you want that soon after a relationship falls apart.Take it slow, talk to friends, then talk to friends some more. Distract yourself with a social life, a hobby, school work, a job, something, anything. It takes time to heal.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (28 September 2009):
You started dating someone DAYS after a breakup with someone you were together with for YEARS. Of course you're not going to be over him yet, your new guy is a rebound. And that's really not fair to your new guy if you can't me emotionally available to him since your emotionally stuck on your ex.
I think what you need to do is spend some time alone and put yourself back together before being invovled with someone else. Many people believe that in order to be happy that they need to be with someone else to "complete" them. The fact of the matter is that what I just mentioned isn't true, and that's for people that are dependent upon others to feel good about themselves.
Breakups take months to get over, regardless if they're a first love or not. To be honest, I could care less about my first love. He's tried to contact me and I've had no desire to talk to him. Relationships don't work out for a reason with certain people, and typically, if they didn't work before, they won't work again in the future.
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