A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi thereI have been in a long distance relationship with a wonderful woman for two years now. We've only managed to spend three individual weeks together within that time period, although each and every single one of those weeks were like magic. I worried about how the first two weeks would go in particular, but I felt kind of calm before the third one. But now I am worrying about the next time we spend together, as we're going to be spending a total of two weeks together for the very first time. I worry that we eventually won't have anything to say to each other when we're together, as we have spent so many hours getting to know each other through various forms of communication as well as face to face, and we are both currently struggling with the phone. I just feel so under pressure, and I love this woman so very much. I really haven't felt pressure like this before, so it's a good job that she's very much worth it.Any advice to relieve this pressure would be extremely welcome.Thank you
View related questions:
long distance, period Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (9 September 2013):
 If after two years together you both still feel pressure, maybe this is not the be all to end all of relationships.
I agree with CMMP... use this time to start planning ending the distance.
IF you are NOT actively working on ending the distance now, then at your age after two years, you are both using this pretend relationship to avoid real life.
THE PRIMARY GOAL of an LDR is to NOT be an LDR... and after two years at your age, it needs to be local or it's being used to avoid reality.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2013): Thank you for all your responses. We do actually both live in Canada, although hundreds of miles apart. I feel we have something really special between us, and we have a bond because we both suffer from anxiety issues. I know I should really be comfortable with silences between us after two years, particularly as we have done so many hours of talking, but I guess I'm just a person that feels pressure, and my girlfriend has mentioned to me that she feels a lot less under pressure to say anything when we're together, so perhaps I'm just worrying over nothing.
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (7 September 2013):
Why don't you see how you get along (don't pre plan conversation) and towards the end, if all goes well, talk about how you're going to convert this relationship into a local (non ldr) relationship.
What's the point of a permanent LDR?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2013): Just let it go where it takes you. The worst thing you can do is to put a lot of pressure on yourself to generate a bunch of needless conversation. You will both end up engaged in a bunch of needless conversation. And you will both end up feeling less than charming and witty.
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (7 September 2013):
 Maybe it's not time for marriage yet so I won't go into it. After two years you know each other well and should be comfortable with silence. I am not a talker, so I would be looking for activities like travelling or movies. Like being indoors? I will just play Xbox Kinect with her. Women are supposed to be more talkative yet men feel that they have to lead the conversation. If your woman is not talkative then just leave it. She is going to be more stressed out if you are. Learn to feel okay about it. Making conversations, repeating what you have said, clarifying what you just said will turn any person off. If she really loves you then she accepts who you are. There is no point pretending who you are not.
...............................
|
