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female
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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and i been together for 9 yrs and he cheated on me and i found out and he never denied it, we broke up, he came back and asked for forgiveness and he want me to move back in with him and our child. part of me want to move in with him and the other part of me is afraid that he will hurt me again.i love him but i can't trust him.he always tell me that he loves me and our child and he wants to do things right. must i give him a second chance or forget about him and move on without him?
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broke up, cheated on me, move on Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, beentheredonethat +, writes (12 October 2006):
 Nope...once a cheat can learn his lesson that cheating IS Nothing...and not worth loosing you for.
10 times a cheat....even 3 or 4...always a cheat. Then it is a problem that either must be fixed or accepted. Anyone can have an whoops...even those who are sure they would never cheat and shout it from the rooftops....once they stop shouting....you better start watching who their eyes are following.....cause they have a new hobby.
A
female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (20 June 2006):
 Okay not everyone cheats again... but its a higher percentage that do. It wont be easy getting back together, as every time he goes out you will be wondering where he is, who is with etc... this in itself could be damaging to you. He knows he has done wrong and is probably prepared for you to be checking up on him, but there is only so much anyone can take. Trust has to be earned and this will take a hell of along time to get back if ever. Maybe give him the benefit of the doubt, but know in your heart that it wont be fixed over night, this could take a long time to repair. You may both benefit from some counselling to get you back on the right road, relate do offer a service for couples who are trying to make a go off it after a partner has cheated, so this may be something that you could look into and may be able to help you both deal with this situation. Remember it will be hard work, but if you want something badly enough go for it. But also you may have to wipe the slate completely clean, which means as hard as this will be, any row that you have in the future you will have to strive not to mention the affair, or this will just cause more anguish to you, and you will end up going over the same gound!
Good luck
x
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A
female
reader, ariel +, writes (20 June 2006):
 Everyone deserves a second chance,sorry ste I have to disagree with your comment"once a cheat always a cheat"If her bloke wants to try again,that means he has relized his mistake and wants to work it out with her.
Anon ,if you do give him a second chance you are going to have to believe him and trust that he will not do it again.Its bloody hard ,you have to make sure he knows that this is it - no more chances. He has to earn your trust.You need to know why it all went wrong in your relationship ie:Why he had the affair?
When you feel insecure you need to tell him,when he goes out, he needs to be home on the time he says. When a women starts taking about her problems to him ,he must stop them and tell them to go and see a shrink.
I feel if you don't soart your trust issues out you will always have them.If the relationship does not work ,you know in your heart of hearts that you gave it your best shot.
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A
female
reader, sibaan +, writes (20 June 2006):
 everyone makws mistakes, we are all human. give him another chanhce but make it clear that its the second and last chance and net you wont even consider it. he by rights should want to marry you if he really wants to make things right...follow your heart and i hope everything works out for the best kind regards and best wishessibaan
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A
male
reader, ste +, writes (20 June 2006):
in my own view " once a cheat always a cheat" ive been cheated on by my x girlfriend and it just was not the same plus i couldnt really trust her 100% but i guess its up to you,you do wot u think is best
good luck
let me know wot u do cheers
ste x
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