A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello. I have been dating this girl for 3 months. We are in our late 30s. Initially it was her who fell in love with me and now I love her too. We meet like once a week and text from time to time. I introduced her to my best friend and we all hang out sometimes. She texts him too and he tells me about it. But last night she texted him while I was with him and I do know what the conversation is about. The chatting lasted almost 5 hours. Now, I just want to know if I acted crazy. I messaged her and waited for her to reply. When she did I asked her what was the need to chat with my friend for 5 hours. She said it was a normal chat which I know it was. My point is why 5 hours. She said she was getting bored so she texted him as he is the funny type and with me it’s more of romantic texts. I did get angry on her a little. She said she was sorry and wouldn’t ever text him again. I said there is no problem in texting him as we are all friends. So we are all good now. What I want to know is did I act needy and jealous? Did I over react. I feel that I have lost my self respect by doing that as I had maintained an image of don’t care guy till now. How do I fix this.
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best friend, fell in love, jealous, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2023): I think this could have been resolved simply by saying you're uncomfortable with the frequent text communications between her and your friend. It makes you feel there's no reason to continue pursuing a romantic-connection if she feels more connected with your friend.
You don't have a committed-relationship, you hardly see each-other; but a little jealousy is human. Maybe he's just more of a texter than you are.
I think she feels more connected to your friend. It has only been three months, but maybe you should try and spend more time with her; so she doesn't feel she has to text to interact with somebody.
A
male
reader, kenny  + ♥, writes (11 March 2023):
 You have known her for three months, you meet once a week, so i'm sorry but how can you possible be calling this love at this early stage?.
In the little time you have known her, what i call the getting to know you stage in a relationship, the fact she feels the need to text your mate for five hours seems like a bit of a red flag to me, its not really normal behaviour is is, especially so early on into a relationship. If things were reversed would it be ok to have long lenthy conversations with her best female friend?. Not really the way most early relationships start is it.
Stop acting like the I don't care guy and just be yourself. Its so early in this relationship, if you are not happy with something, or you smell a red flag then simply walk away.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (11 March 2023):
 How do you fix this? By stopping playing games and acting like the adult you actually are. I mean, a guy in his late 30s putting out a "don't care" image? Really? You sound like a clueless teenager.
Grow up and put some energy into this relationship if you want to keep this lady (in her late 30s, she's not a "girl"). Proclaiming you two are in love, based on seeing her once a week over a period of 3 months and texting "from time to time", is a joke. You are just putting her on a back burner while you get on with the rest of your life; little wonder she's spending hours texting your friend.
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