A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:We were at a single friends home having drinks. I laid down about 2am as my girlfriend carried on a conversation with the single guy,that include admitting she was not that happy.. I was listening. they talked for quite some time. there was a couple quiet moments. my other friend was asleep on the other couch so they went to his bed and slept the night. I woke to walk in the room and tell her i was out and left! she was fully clothed and swears nothing happened. I do/did/try to believe her as I have never had a reason not to. still think she is honest but having trouble regardless whether anything happened. should I? i did go back in the morning to find her still in the same place. She calls me her person and doesn't think she did anything wrong. it is a new home so im not even sure it other options where available but regardless i dont think she spend anytime looking. shes she was tired and jsut wanted to sleep. any advice? she wants us to work.. says she loves me! Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2021): There was no reason for her to sleep with the guy.
She could have easily cuddled up with you on the couch.
The big problem with her story is that she said she wasn't happy in your relationship right before this.
I thing they made out, just don't know how far it went.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (17 April 2021):
 So, if I understand this correctly, you were asleep on one couch, another friend was asleep on the other couch. Assuming there were only 2 couches in this friend's home, what did you expect your girlfriend to do? Sleep on the floor? My guess would be that she was still there in the morning because she did nothing wrong and didn't feel the need to move.
It is quite feasible to sleep next to someone without having sex (or even making out) with them. I have shared a bed with a number of friends over the years without even touching them when we were staying over somewhere. Admittedly I was single at the time but, if I had been in a relationship and my boyfriend was asleep on the couch, I would still probably have done the same.
You have to decide whether you trust her or not. If you do and want the relationship to work, you need to explain to her that you are not comfortable with her sharing a bed with a male friend and that, in future, you would rather she wakes you up and you make some other arrangements.
Frankly I would be more concerned about the fact that she was telling her friend that she wasn't happy. Have you asked her about that?
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2021): Women are capable of being extremely sneaky when it comes to cheating on their partner...especially when alchohol is involved..they lose all willpower..dont let her fool you..she probably is scheming overtime on how to keep you convinced that your the only man in her life, while on the other hand figuring out how to spend as much time as possible in your single friends bed without getting caught..she wants the best of both worlds!! I have a feeling that it wont be too hard for you to catch her with her hands in the cookie jar..expect her to continue denying that anything happened, and becoming happier in general with her daily life with you...
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (15 April 2021):
 You say she was intoxicated, which is blind drunk, but she was still able to be having a conversation with this single guy, and able to stress the fact of how unhappy she is. Then made a conscious decision to go and get into bed with him. I think she was not as intoxicated as you thought, and she knew exactly what she was doing.
Does not add up to me, I'm not surprised you now have a but.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2021): so i thought i would clarify a bit. we are in our forties so not kids. have been dating for 6 yrs. She was intoxicated and realizes it was disrespectful to chose that spot to crash. I was sleeping on a love seat so no room really. So the best spot to sleep would have been the place she chose. clearly i do not agree with that choice! I left because I was super upset! her car was still there as i taxied it. total messed up evening! She wants us to work out.. she has never gave me a reason to not believe her.. but now I have a but..
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2021): OP I can tell you as a fellow Canadian that you and your girlfriend and friends should not be at each other's houses having parties!!! We are in the middle of a DEADLY PANDEMIC!!! We are LOCKED DOWN and staying at home in ONTARIO. Where do you live??? Either way, where you girlfriend is spooning should be the least of your worries right now!!! How old ARE YOU? From your posted age, you seem to be a "MATURE" MAN??? But you are all behaving like irresponsible and immature teenagers at some frat party!!!Here is what I see. Your "GF" is immature and not committed to you. No woman who loves her boyfriend would ever do such a thing. Being drunk does not give you a pass. You should never put yourself in that position, PERIOD. Even drinking is a tell tale sign somebody is acting out and choosing to escape and wanting to do something crazy!!! Or they would control themselves and behave responsibly!! And have RESPECT for their BOYFRIEND! How would she like it if you slept with some girl at the party? Let me answer that. SHE WOULDN'T. That is presuming she gives a shit about you, which clearly, as demonstrated by her behaviour, she does NOT.Stay away from parties. Practice all safety measures for COVID from now on, OP. Sure hope you don't catch with your careless behaviour. And I think you should tell this girl what she did is a DEAL BREAKER. Then chill out and wait for the pandemic to be over, and look for someone else. This girl has a lot of growing up and maturing to do, just as you do.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2021): How long have you been with her? Maybe your relationship isn't as exclusive as you think? Maybe she was trying to anger you and this guy knew her game and didn't want to be a part of it so he let her share his bed probably at her request but didn't touch her. Actually it has happened to me a couple of times when a best friends gf while drunk acted fuddy duddy towards me to my embarrassment to anger her bf. You have to assiss what happened yourself and decide what to do. I would probably review my whole relationship with her if I was in your shoes.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2021): Sorry, I know you want to make sense of this; so you can forgive your girlfriend and move on. How old is this girlfriend of yours? In her 20's???
I just can't find any reason she skipped sleeping the night next to you, and slept next to him instead. Yet, expects you to believe nothing happened. She could have just put her clothes back on, or they could have made-out with their clothes on. You don't leave much room for argument, or the benefit of the doubt; when you're found lying there next to another guy. Meanwhile, your boyfriend is in the same house!
She told him she wasn't happy. Be that the case, you're the one she should be intimating all her feelings to. What does she expect him to do about it?
I'm far from optimistic about this; but if you're in denial, and can believe there's any innocence in your girlfriend in bed with another man. What can anyone say?
Sex or not, she went to him for comfort and not you. It's inexcusable, because any problems in the relationship are between her and you. It's none of his business. You were right there!!!
The decision is yours. She betrayed your trust, and punched it all full of holes; and now wants you to just shrug it off.
If it was me, I'd give her a kiss on the forehead, hope she finds the happiness she's looking for, and I'd leave. Never to speak to her again.
You didn't mention her age. If she's very young, and you've been like a sugar daddy by paying all the bills; maybe she wouldn't want to lose all those lovely benefits. A mature-woman would know better, concerned about how things would look. She'd be more respectful. This is weird.
You handle it as you see fit. She's YOUR girlfriend. You're over 50, and that's too old to be gullible or naive. I can't imagine a woman in that age-group doing such a thing. Not without a motive, or as a scornful act.
It doesn't mean you can't forgive her; only that she doesn't get to betray your trust, and simply absolve herself of highly suspicious actions. How would she react catching you lying next to another woman? Would she believe it, if you told her that it wasn't what she thought? Would you lie next to another woman while she's still your girlfriend?
I guess it depends on how badly you want to keep her; but you and I know that your trust is all shot to hell. No trust, no love.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (14 April 2021):
 I have to agree with Kenny, this is overall a really odd situation.
Why didn't you and your GD (if you live together) go home together?
And if you don't live together why didn't she just go home. (too drunk to drive?) If she was drunk and couldn't drive home it was probably SAFER overall to stay. OR go with you.
Maybe she didn't do anything but the whole situation is weird.
Unless this single guy is one of her best buddies why open up and complain about the relationship to him, UNLESS perhaps she 1. was very drunk or 2. she hoped you would hear it. 3. she is a thoughtless chit.
One last thing, it IS possible to sleep on a bed next to someone of the opposite sex and not have sex.
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (14 April 2021):
So you were at a friends having some drinks, and your girlfriend was having a late night conversation with some some single guy, and she admitted to him she was not happy.
Your other friend was asleep on the couch, so your girlfriend went to his bed and supposedly slept the night.
If she is your girlfriend, and your a couple why did she go off to a single guys bed, while you were still in the house.
I'm not sure I would have left knowing my girlfriend was beside some stranger in the same bed, this is a really strange thing to do.
So you go back in the morning and she was still in the same place, so whether she did anything or not is anyone's guess, and if you decide to believe her then that's your decision to make.
I still am having trouble getting my head around leaving a partner in bed with another guy and leaving, then returning in the morning. Why did she not go with you?. If she had of gone with you then you would not be here on DC having trouble wondering if anything happened or not.
Trust is a huge factor in any relationship, I think she was wrong for getting into bed with the single guy, and you were wrong for leaving her there and leaving.
Now your dilemma is only her word that nothing happened. If you trust her, and believe her then all good. If you feel you can't trust her now then end things and walk away.
...............................
|
