A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend suffers from mild depression. She can hold down a good job, but she has trouble sleeping, cries a lot and rarely wants to see anybody.I have done my best to cope with her depression for the last 6 months and I have now reached a point where I am sick and tired of being ignored and rejected. She rarely wants to make any body contact with me, including hugs in bed and I genuinely feel worthless.I know she has some feelings for me as I am the only person she chooses to see (not often though) and I don't want to confront her as I know it is really tough for her, and also I don't want to come across as 'needy' as that can be a real turn off apparently.I love her dearly and don't want to upset or lose her, but recently I have been very miserable, as I feel so rejected. I'm sure she realises to a certain extent how I am feeling, but she never talks about it.She visited the doctor the other day but my gf just told the Dr that she wasn't sleeping well. She didn't mention all the other symptoms.How can I confront my gf about how I am feeling? Should confront her? Is there any way she will or can be how she was before the depression started?Any good advice would be appreciated. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust like to say THANK YOU to all that gave me advice. It really helps to hear that other people have been in the same position and that there are options out there. I think that when these situations arise its hard to think straight.
UPDATE: She went back to the doctors and the DR prescribed Temazipan for two weeks. Hopefully it might help.
To the person that went through this but split up with their partner, thanks for your insight and I really hope you meet someone who will make you happy.
A
female
reader, Reebe +, writes (19 December 2007):
 Sticky situation, a rock and a hard place right?
Firstly don't feel guilty, i think most people in this situation would feel the same as you do right now.
Even though she's fragile you need to explain how your feeling, tell her you want to help her, and your not telling her this to make her feel bad.
Ask her if she wants to go to the doctors and if she wants you to come with her, and make it clear she needs to be honest with the doctor, it's only way to get her on the road to recovery, depression is an illness and it's not her fault, she needs lots of patience and tact, but she also needs gently pushing in the right direction, there's no easy answer here and only you can decide if you can be with her.
Your feelings are important too and you also need to keep yourself happy, speak to her and see if she's willing to accept your help.
You also need to try and get her to have more of a life outside of work and being around you, sometimes tough love works, and sometimes it can back fire.
Make a start with having an honest conversation with her, and work from there if that's what you decide to do.
Good luck, and look after yourself.
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A
male
reader, Passthrough  +, writes (19 December 2007):
 I dont mean to be the bearer of bad news, but this is the story of my last girlfriend:
We had been dating from high-school until well into college (almost 4 years).She was bipolar, manic, clinically depressed and also was unable to sleep.
I was a very, very paitent person for those 4 years, the 4 times she called me (out of the blue) in tears, just to start an arguement and DUMP me, just to call me later with a light apology. Sure, I took her back each time.
The thing which affected me the most was the physical relationship- I was her first, but she was my second. Not an issue, but of note. It was very fun, thrilling in the start...
When she begain attending a local community college, she started taking anti-depressants, and the birth control as prescribed. She took these, and her sex drive disappeared. There were times when we could have some fun, but she'd never initiate it. There were quite a few times when she would 'tire' of my efforts- and make this feeling known. This was utterly humiliating, and left me feeling empty and worthless. She didnt understand why this bothered me. She put no effort into the fun, and would refuse any chance to change it up at all.
She continued sporatic use of her prescribed medicine, I'd beg her to take it when she was depressed beyond reason, she'd take it till she was happy, and then she'd feel so great, she'd stop taking it, and plunge. This happened about 6-8 times.
Nearing the end of our relationship, I tried talking with her more than I ever had; I talked with her about how her sporatic mediacted states were taking their toll on my psyche, how her depressed states brought me down with her, how her lack of previously wonderful physical loving had made me feel worthless as a man.
You know what she said to me? She has no idea what I talking about.
My point? Nomatter how much you talk with her, nomatter what wonderful points you make, there's no guarentee her mental state will comprehend it. There is little hope for those who cannot see their own problems.
If you can get her to comprehend that she is not OK (if infact she is clinically depressed and not suffering from something real which she has merely neglected to tell you), you might be in a good boat. Otherwise, dont feel bad. You're in the boat with me.
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