A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my girlfriend for three years and mostly things are great. But lately something has been really getting to me. We met in college through a friend of hers, I'll call him Tyler, he was on the school soccer team and I worked maintenance for the athletic department to pay for school and I saw her at all his games. She never dated Tyler but they were really close and I've heard from others that she had a thing for him and a few times tried to kiss him. They had a big falling out her senior year but she still texts him, sends him messages, and tries to keep tabs on him. He's younger and transferred to another school and she tried really hard to find out where and even went to a few soccer games hoping he was playing for that college. To my knowledge he doesn't respond to her. I don't see what she sees in him to keep trying to stay in touch. And whenever we fight she always compares me to him in ways I don't measure up, sure I'm not rich like he is or as attractive or popular but the guy is an arrogant douche, and he suffers from a severe mental illness that was the reason for their falling out in the first place. He once even had to take a semester off from school because he was institutionalized. I've told her how this obsession makes me feel but she just then tries to be more secretive about it. Any thoughts on what to do?
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (3 June 2011):
 I don't know if there's anything you can do. She clearly is still hung up on him. If you're worried about cheating, I don't think you need to be. But if you don't like being compared to someone else (I can't imagine anyone would), you need to try to talk to her about how she can move on. Don't let her brush you off. She needs to somehow learn to move on from her obsession since it's not healthy for her and is destroying your relationship.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2011): Honestly, you should leave. Just leave. Obviously she has some internal issues that she hasn't resolved and she's taking them out on you and the relationship. It's not that she's a bad person but for someone reason Tyler has some sort of hold on her. I guess humans really do want what they can't have.
She looks at Tyler as her ideal mate and in her eyes, no one else will ever measure up. She is settling for you. You deserve someone who's crazy about you. You deserve someone that will look at you like you're the greatest, not someone who will put you down and tell you you're not good enough.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (3 June 2011):
 Hello,
I can tell that you really like this girl to be with her for 3 years....knowing that she is not 100% into the relationship with you. It appears that your girlfriend is obsessed with another guy, albeit a guy that is not good for her if what you say is true with his arrogant douche ways. For her to want to actively know what school he transferred to and go to random games in the hope of seeing him....that is a major disrespect to you as her boyfriend. And it is not fair for you to be giving her your time, devotion and love and she is off somewhere hoping to see her sports star. If her obsession with Tyler is getting to you and she does not love or care enough to realise that it is bothering you alot, then perhaps you should just let her find Tyler and be with him...and maybe Tyler is not so crazy if he isn't responding to her.
Unfortunately, your girlfriend either needs to get over Tyler and concentrate on you....or you need to get over your girlfriend and concentrate on someone who is actually worth it.
Warm Wishes.
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A
female
reader, kylieekristina +, writes (3 June 2011):
 I don't think she's being very considerate of your feelings. If someone loves you they want you to feel good about who you are and what you mean to them, not like you aren't up to par. I think you deserve better than to be second best.
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