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anonymous
writes: I heard my mum's phone go off the other day and she asked me to check it so I did and found texts from a work colleague. Based on what they were saying, I think I can safely assume they're having an affair - whether they are actually doing stuff or just texting it I dunno. Should I hope it stops?
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female
reader, lima  +, writes (9 March 2009):
look dont worry my mums hving an affair to and i would hate to see my dad upset i mean he does ery thing for her and worse part yet when ever my dad goes work at night she phones him and ask him to come they have sex and they 'shag'and im only 11 and i dont know what to do and this man is married aswell some times on my mums phone they pln to get married and please dont think im being racist but my mum said she hates pakistans and yet shes sleeping with one so once i told my sister and she was crying her eyes out so i just lied and said i was joking but i feel like crying aswell!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2009): I think that you need to speak to your mum, and ask her if this is true, trust is important tell her that! if you can tel she's lying, it's a lie you can live with.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2008): I know how you feel.
3 weeks ago i read my mams phone when she went out and exactly the same thing happened. i cried my eyes out till she came home. I told her i knew but it made no difference, she said it was a drunken joke, so i believed her.
Me and my mum are so close that im scared to say antyhing to her incase it ruins things. I hoped it had stopped, but last night it was even worse. She went out during the day "to town" it wasnt til she came home drunk i knew she was lying. I read her phone later that night and my heart broke to find out things hadn't changed. there was even talk of marriage on there.
My mams been married to my dad for 7 years now, i always thought they had a good realtionship, but how wrong can you be about something.
I wasnt sure who it was with, so i got the number off her phone, and text it asking who it was. Talking to my mum made no difference, maybe the next steo has to be talking to my dad. This can't go on. Its not fair for me to carry the burdon of her stupid mistakes.
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female
reader, Eighteen +, writes (22 December 2005):
Same thing happened to me except it was an email account. if you don't have enough proof though it's not worth ruining you parents marrage. ask you mum or wait.
I had suspicions a year ago with a text message i found but now there are so many emails and phone calls i can't ignor it anymore. I don't know what to do. She had an affair 10 years ago and my parents split up for a few months because of it then got back together with a promise of fidelity. If i tell my dad it will break his heart but what else can i do?
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female
reader, Skye1991 +, writes (14 November 2005):
I have just seen the same thing on my mum's phone and my advice would be what i'm going to do. TELL MY DAD. This sounds selfish and nasty but its better he finds out now than if he catches her with someone or finds out from some stranger. Coming from someone who is very close to him is alot better than from the next person he meets down the supermarket. Don't talk to her about it because she will know you will tell someone so she will make your life hell so you don't tell, or she might pamper you and shower you with everything you ever wanted. Tell your dad would be my best advice, but if not, tell someone, get it off your chest. If you keep it locked in, you will find yourself angry with anyone who stands in your way. Trust me, thats not good. PLEASE TELL SOMEONE, whether its a family members or a friend.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2005): Well don't worry i have got the same problem, my mum is having an affair with someone at work but i don't want to tell her that i know because i don't know how things will end up. I personally think that you should do what feels right you can tell her how it is effecting you or you can leave it for a while. I am now suffering from a stomach migrain which leaves me paralysed for a few hours and i can't breathe all down to stress, i hope it all works out for you either way
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reader, carolyn +, writes (7 July 2005):
just to answer questions put forward by agony aunt's / uncle's (!) my mum is married and they've been together for 27 years tomoro.
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female
reader, Helen05 +, writes (3 July 2005):
Confronting your mother is the only thing to do. The texts could be flirting, fantasy or even harrasment. It is not until you ask her what they area about that you can act upon it
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reader, becky05 +, writes (3 July 2005):
Right, Is your mum still living with your dad or another partner? If so, you have to tell her what you found and ask her what's going on. If she's single, maybe it's a new guy she's met but she's not serious about him yet to introduce you.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (3 July 2005):
 Hoping it stops isn't going to make much of a difference, although it's understandable that you didn't want to be confronted with proof of your mother's sexual infidelity.
Frankly it surprises me that she'd ask you to check her phone when she knew that sort of stuff was there, or likely to be received. It suggests to me that she wants to be found out. Hm...
Be that as it may, you haven't said whether your dad is in the picture here. Are you folks both together, or does your mum have a partner already? If so, you already know that she shouldn't be fooling around and having an affair with a work colleague can be serious trouble, particularly if it goes bad.
Depending on your relationship with her, you should consider whether to bring it up with her. If you have a strong relationship with her, I think you should say tell her what you saw. Start with something like "Mum, the other day when you asked me to answer your phone I saw something that I didn't want to see." She'll know what you're talking about and things should proceed from there.
I'm not saying that you have to make this your business - it's not - but you have to point out to her that this isn't fair to your dad and puts you in a bad position because you know about it.
If your relationship with your mum is trying or difficult already, then obviously the direct approach isn't going to help. If that's the case, you might want to put your discovery into a sealed note somewhere where she'll find it, like in her handbag.
Either way, be sure to let her know that you can't be expected to keep this from your dad, so that she's going to have to tell him herself.
Good luck.
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