A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship with a guy for 10 months now. The problem (which mst of you will not see as a problem) is that we were very close friends for about three years before we started seeing each other in a romantic sense and we know everything and I mean everything about each other! This includes every single one night stand that he has had and every single relationship that I have been in. Obviously it was not a problem knowing this information when we were freidns but now that we are in a relationship we sometimes find it difficult to share things like we used to as we both get jealous discussing our past as we know so much about it. What can we do to get past this jealousy I really don't want to break up our relationship or lose our friendship.I seem to have lost my libido in the last couple of years and boyfriend on ten months is someone I was good friends with for years. I feel very bad in saying this but the sex is not as good as it has been with previous partners and although I do love him very much I sometimes feel a bit cringey when he touches me in a sexy way but not always. I have been quite depressed lately and very unsexy as I have put on weight. Please give me some advice with what to do as i don't want to lose him and really want to make it work.[moderator note: combined two questions from same poster]
View related questions:
best friend, depressed, jealous, libido, one night stand Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): A sound long term relationship requires exactly that you know each other wery well and keep it that way.
You both need to get past the jealousies and acknowledge that you have a head start on other couples knowing each others history so well.
A
male
reader, WastedLife  +, writes (1 July 2008):
You didn't mention your age. You might be in your 20's or perimenopausal - we don't know, and women's libido can change radically over the years. If it's physiological, see an MD and insist on an answer and solution. If not, see below.
A rule that you two might talk about and agree on and then OBEY is that whatever happened before your relationship started is simply who you were and what you were. It's off limits, and not worthy of jealousy, etc. After you two got together(exclusively, I presume), then you have tacitly agreed to be true to each other. If so, get on with enjoying life.
Regarding libido again, try to do things together that are physical, like ice skating, hiking, swimming, or building something, etc. Avoid the traditional meal and a movie - those things are fine when hanging out at home, but it's easy to relax and skip the exercise when in a comfortable relationship. Plan to add daring things to do - those things that are not quite safe yet tantalizing. Make love in a cave or on a mountain, etc. Go for the edge. Good luck.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2008): i had been best friends with my ex for 4 3 years then we got together and went out for 4 months, congrats on lasting longer then us! We had the same problem i just wish i hadnt let it bother me so much. i was really jelouse and could turn really nasty and snappy with him, and found it hard to tell him things i would have before. But i think it should never be like that, your boyfriend is still your best friend never change how you have been because thats what he fell in love with you for. And your boyfirend obviously finds you really sexy so apprieciate what you have while you still have it. Don't get jealouse, he is with you for a reason because right now he loves you and always will because you have been friends for so long, but right now make the most of what you have and enjoy every miniute of it... you deserve to! Don't feel bad about yourself, he will love you whatever, but if you are concious about your weight then diet and/or exercise more (sex is great exercise). You could spice up your love life with toys, videos, dressing up games, new positions or in new places. Here's some websites:http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/sex/hottest-sex-tipshttp://sexuality.about.com/od/tipstechniques/Tips_Techniques_for_Better_Sex.htmhttp://www.pabo.com/Hope these help. Don't push him away though, talk to him. And don't let jealousy come between you both, it's my one regret.
...............................
|
