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female
age
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anonymous
writes:This question is theoretical...You have a very good friend, who is married, and she is cheating on her husband with another man. At a party, the lover makes a full out pass at you (because he figures all this woman's friends cheat too...). You neither approve of the affair nor like the lover, and you know that your friend is totally smitten by this lover, and her husband is a nice guy; BTW, -What do you do? Do you tell her? What responsibility do you have, if any? If you warn the friend, she may not speak to you again, because she'll think YOU hit on him, but even if she is in over her head, and even though you don't approve, you still feel protective of her...
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your answers, I love the "three little monkeys" answer! I'm probably going to do nothing... I suppose I am torn because I would love her to open her eyes and see what a jerk he is! BTW, The party that I attended was with spouses! And yet she brought this guy! Amazing that her husband hasn't figured this out yet...
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female
reader, freebird  +, writes (2 July 2008):
 I agree, completely with uncle sneaker. I was in a similar situation and did nothing.
the point is that you are the outsider, not your best friend or her lover!
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (1 July 2008):
 Ok, the first things I am going to ask you is this: If it was your partner/lover (regardless of affair) that made a pass to one of your girlfriends, would you want to be told?
If yes, then tell her. If not, then do not tell her. It really is that simple.
If you lose her friendship for telling her something true, then she was not much of a friend. The KEY is not to expect her to do anything about it. Just tell her, let her know what you know, but remove any expectation of action on her part. Fact is, she might know that she is not his only conquest, and thus is in it herself for the romantics of the interaction.
If you disapprove of her affair, then your choices are to either boycott her, or continue your friendship with her BUT limit any talk about the affair when you are around.
I would also like to point out that as long as you continue to support the environment (attend parties where the lover will be present) you are encouraging the very environment that allows her lover to get close enough to make a pass at you.
Lastly, are you sure it is a secret affair? Is it possible that the husband already knows? Do they have marital problems you don't know about, and this is the working solution they have?
-Frank B Kermit
http://www.franktalks.com
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reader, Uncle Sneaker  +, writes (1 July 2008):
 Absolutely nothing.
You do an impression of the three wise monkeys - see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil.
Whatever you do will be wrong. So let them all sort it out between them. It might feel wrong to ignore it, but it's all going to be much worse if you are caught up in the middle of it.
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