A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi -I am a 24 year old female who has been in a relationship with the same man for almost 5 years. He was my first intimate partner and we have been through a lot of ups and downs. We are like best friends, but the relationship lacks serious romance and respect. It takes so much just to be intimate with him, I feel like I'm the only one trying to keep the relationship alive. He is 3 years older than me and yet had no goals for college or the future. It drives me crazy! For the past few months, I have been losing my attraction to him. I have a good male friend who also happens to be a coworker that is around my age for about 3 years now. He and I get a long great and I am beginning to wonder if I have feelings for him? Granted I am not sure he feels the same way or that I want to risk jeopardizing our work relationship by starting anything. And I am not the type of girl to cheat either. But there is so much I feel like I am missing! Especially being with only one partner (not that I want to sleep around), but wanting to experience other people... am I just talking crazy here? How do you know when its time to move on from a long term relationship and how do you do it without crushing the other person? Any opinions or advice are appreciated! Thanks.Sincerely,Lost and confused
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2009): Thank you for the advice. I think you both make a good point. I don't think he understands the areas of our relationship that are sort of broken. It feels like we have just split paths and the things we used to feel the same on, are no longer that way. But you are both right that it wouldn't be fair to blind side him out of no where. He would indeed be crushed. Part of it is not even that I want to sleep around, but that I want to be able to be single or to date without repercussions. I think its tough getting into a long term relationship at such a young age because people change so much as they begin to find themselves. I will take some time to sort it out and maybe talk with him. Thanks for the help!Lost and confused
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2009): Go to a counselor, try to get things like they used to be. You obviously get along great and used to have an attraction that you can rekindle. The grass is NOT always greener on the other side. He will be completely crushed no matter what, especially if he doesn't see this coming. If you really need/want to sleep with other guys, be as upfront as possible and tell him this, but you should let him know your intentions, especially if you want to get back with him after you have some fun for a while. This will at least let him have some comfort in knowing he can let you do what you want and get back with you, or he can have the decision to try and move on. Be gentle cause it hurts so bad when a guy gets blind sided with "i need space", etc.. out of no where with no explanation.
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A
female
reader, keepitreal03  +, writes (11 April 2009):
That's hard. I've been with my boyfriend a little over 5 years 6years I've known him and I've felt like that before. I think u feel your missing something. I had the chance to sleep with someone else we split for a month once and 3 months and I has sex with another guy iy was bad! I feel it wasn't the same. Because I didn't love him. And telling someone u wanna explore is not easy. The best thing to do is take a brake but u might feel bad because only u will know why ur asking for a brake. But good luck
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