A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, this feels like such a silly question and I am struggling to ask but here goes. I have developed some real feelings of inadequacy re sex with my new wife. She is a VERY attractive woman and constantly turns heads wherever we go. We have regular sex and she always has an orgasm - albeit with the help of some toys. She admitted recently in the midst of a conversation that she had 'Skype sex' with her ex as they lived so far apart - I was going to stay away for a night or two that's how that came about, she said "we could have Skype Sex" and I foolishly asked if she had done that before. Anyway, compared to our regular but tame sex life I suspect that she has been much more exploratory than I thought. This leaves me feeling as though this side of our marriage is possibly a little dull. I know if I broach the subject she will become irritated and possibly annoyed as she has gone to length in the past to assure me that I 'am the best'. But then she would say that eh? :) I just feel really inadequate at the moment and worry that I am not enough. I know that she chose to be with me after all, but that doesn't affect my feelings. I am 48 and she is 38. Thanks for your advice!
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 December 2012):
 "Anyway, compared to our regular but tame sex life I suspect that she has been much more exploratory than I thought. This leaves me feeling as though this side of our marriage is possibly a little dull."
It takes two to tango, so if your sex life is "dull" as you call it, it is probably because she prefers it this way. However it doesn't sound dull at all in my ears when you say she always gets an orgasm, and you even use toys. Having an orgasm can be very difficult for women, speaking from my own experience it isn't something you just go ahead and have with just about anyone. Even if I use toys I still can't reach an orgasm when I'm with someone, even if I can reach an orgasm through the use of toys when by myself. I can climax in about 5 minutes when alone by myself in the shower, but include another person... and it might not happen at all. Its a completely different story when someone else is there to see it, experience it. So you should be glad that your wife can have an orgasm WITH you (even if she uses toys, doesn't matter), because many women are unable to have an orgasm period, or maybe only when they are alone. So her having orgasms with you frequently is a good thing, no matter what.
Did you say okay to do the Skype sex thing? I think you should, at least you wont feel like you are "dull" if you give it a go. But believe me, if she actually finds you dull she wouldn't even suggest skype sex as she'd know it was out of your league. Her suggesting it means that she thinks of you as an equally adventurous person in bed, who she can experience new things with (just because she's had it with someone else in the past doesn't take away the fact that you and her haven't ever done it together, so it is something new to your sex life).
As for the rest, it's your insecurities. Has something recently happened that has lowered your confidence?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2012): "But then she would say that eh?" because you are? And maybe the fact that she thinks your cock and sexual performances are good enough to commit the rest of her life to, kind of reinforces that notion doesn't it?
It's okay to be a bit anxious about past performers but you're so good in bed she decided she'd never need another man again.
Says it all really.
Just don't pry any further into her past, ignorance is bliss and all the evidence points to you being in fact her best in more ways than just sex too.
In this competition, guess who the winner is? No not you, her. You'd be surprized how many married women your age are sexually dissatisfied. Sounds like she's go it made, and you're not even weird about using toys, holy shit OP, there are going to be some jealous lady posters reading this.
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