A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My exhusband and I have been seperated for 3 years now. I filed for divorce because he is an alcholic. We are still not divorced, and it all has to do with a house we own. This house was his grandparents and then we purchased it for 50k. It is now totally paid off and he lives in it with his girlfriend. I am living back with my mother and my 5 year old son. I want the equity out of the home, so that I am able to purchase a home for me and my son. My lawyer thinks we should sell the home and split the proceeds or that he should take out a loan and pay me the equity put into it. My ex thinks I am a greedy bitch and how dare I want that house sold when this was a family heirloom. He makes me feel horrible, why is it that I let him have control like this over me. I do not want to be with him, I care about him as a person but that is it. I need the money for me and my son.?
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female
reader, Sincerely Yours +, writes (23 June 2010):
 Your pride as a mother and desire to do what is best for your son will one day overpower the concern you have for the way he thinks of you. I am sure you will do the right thing, but in time, you will be so confident in that decision, that your ex does not control your emotions. You just have to let life play itself out as you develop emotionally.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (23 June 2010):
 The house is NOT an heirloom. You helped BUY it for $50,000. Had it been a car you bought from an in-law, it would still be community property.
The house wasn't willed exclusively to your husband, and he didn't pay with funds that were exclusively his either. If he wants it to remain in the family, he knows what to do.
For him to kick you out with nothing is brutal, and I hope your lawyer wrings him out like a dirty sponge.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2010): That is why family property should never be joint property. My parents will stipulates their hous goes to me. And while I do not see a divorce in mine and my husband's future I will never add him to the deed and he understgands this. The inheritence he received from his grandfather is kept in a sep. account w/ just my husband's name. If WE want to use it he transfers it into our joint account. Things from a will or family heirlooms are NOT community property BUT if, at any point in time, they are comingeled into the marriage they become JOINT property. My husband and I love and trust each other very much, but one never knows what the future holds. We both firmly believe his family stuff should stay with him and my families with me should anything ever happen and for that reason, on paper it is kept totally separate. Will he live in their house with me....YES....Has some of his money gone to better our family...YES, but in the end we know what belongs to who and we keep it this way because if worst comes to worst we have everything as a paper trail to KEEP IT THAT WAY! I understand where you are coming from and believe he should pay you anything back you made as far as payments, but the house, unlike the 'just doing his job' lawyer says should REMAIN YOUR HUSBANDS!!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (23 June 2010):
Well, guess what, you have the lawyer telling you to force the sale and whether your ex likes it or not you're entitled to your share, especially if you helped paid for it. So take it to court and force the sale. Forget your ex. He's angered yes, but feelings are nothing here. Facts are all that matters. And the fact is you're entitled to your share. So get it.
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