A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, Just to warn you, this is a long one.Bsically I am in a weird place right now, I was with my ex girlfriend since the age of 16, we spent over three years together,some happy and shit times. We were both each other's fist love and sexual partners, we always had an amazing connection and spent most of our relationship in our own little world just laughing and playing about stuff most people would think is stupid. The main problem in our relationship, owing to us being each others first, is that we were both very possessive.Anyway, about five months ago she found out I was talking, and I mean just talking,to my ex girlfriend from when I was fifteen over MSN. She flipped out, things went bad for a little while and my parents could not deal with her living at our place any further so she had to move out. We made up but things were strained, she couldn't come back in the house as my dad didnt want to deal with the stress any longer, but we still had our own little world. Fast forward a few months and things were getting worse, arguing constantly, I devoloped a drink problem and would get verbally abusive in arguments....and worst of all, she started turning into what I always feared, another standard teenage girl who just wants to party and screw around.Now I like to go out and have fun regularly, but I believe you can still maintain a solid relationship at the same time. I started poitning out the changes....she started to rebel more, getting hostile and disrespectful towards me for trivial things. We still had the love though, I knew things would get better.Finaly my dad says she can come into the house, I think great, we have privacy back without having to pay for a hotel, we can see each other whenever, things are looking up. However the damage was already done, she was changing into what I hate and there was nothing I could do about it. I ended up resenting her and we had a fair few nasty, heated (quite often alcohol fueled) arguements. After a particularly bad argument which I was at fault in, and immediately apologised for the following morning, she said she needed to think about things. I wnet through a whole week of being in limbo, probably the most painful week of my life, not knowing and only thinking of her. I kept bothering her for a decision, telling her how much I loved and wanted her, but she still said she didn't know.Nine days ago she came over to mine and broke up with me, there was alot of tears on both ends (and I'm ashamed to say, alot of grovelling on my end). We agreed to be friends as we live and work within a one minute walk from one another. It was arkward at first, but we met up as friends a few times. last Wednesday she came over crying as she still loves me and knows how well we work, but doesn't think she can deal with getting hurt anymore. We cuddled alot and I walked her home on good terms.Last Saturday we spent the day together, it was amazing, barely spent any money, we just messed about in town, it was like old times. She came back to mine and we talked and listened to music for hours, we ended up having amazing sex, twice, but on a no strings attached basis.She now seems quite distant again, I spoke to her today but she just didnt seem to want to know.I want her back so badly, and the thought of seeing her with another guy is crippling, I am not interested in other girls, my mates took me out "on the pull" Saturday night to cheer me up, I rejected every single advance made towards me.I have resolved my drink problem, and alot of my possessive issues, I know we are certainly worth one last chance, but I'm not sure how to make her see whats happened. Her, six months ago, would of hated herself now, shes gone from the most unique, amazing girl, to a clone of her friends. I know that girl is still udnerneath, and I know we can still have the amazing bond we have shared these past few years. I just really don't know how to convince her that we are worth it, and if not, how the hell do I deal with losing someone I have had since I was a kid? I was friends with her from 14, lovers and partners from 16.I havn't been eating, sleeping or even smiling since. i just don't know what to do? Would appreciate some female insight but any responses are appreciated. Sorry about the long post.
View related questions:
broke up, ex girlfriend, money, msn, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2009): Thank you very much for the answers guys.
Today was weird, she came over to mine for a couple of hours. She was feeling quite ill but again things were like old times, listening to music and chatting and just messing about. We didn't have sex, she said she wanted to but she was feeling bad today (she has anemia).
I appreciate people saying its a bad idea to be friends, but I will still see her with other guys even if I try to cut her from my life. She lives nine doors down the road, she works in the courtyard opposite me, and our circle of friends overlap.
She keeps saying shes not interested in men at all right now, she doesn't want to deal with the hurt. Funnily enough she doesn't want sex with other men, she says she just doesn't feel right about it. She kind of wants to be "friends with benefits" for a while to satisfy that need.
Another weird thing is that instead of me chasing her today, she was the one bothering me so she could see me, yet she still doesn't seem to want to be in a proper realtionship with me.
How would you guys interpret this?
A
male
reader, venisonstew  +, writes (11 August 2009):
a first love lost is always the hardest, especially the first sex. it's an unexplainable bond. a buddy of mine always told me when a man takes her virginity, she will always remember that person in a special way. i think i understand that, but i've never been with a girl because i'm not attracted to girls.
my best advice would be to forgive and move on. forgiving is the only way to find peace of mind. easier said than done though. maybe she'll be back when she's ready. best of luck. hope i was able to help
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (11 August 2009):
 I dont really see a way for you guys to get back together I'm afraid. While you may have dealt with your issues and resolved any problems you had personally, she is still at the age where a boyfriend is only going to hold her back. I know you think she is becoming a clone of her friends but in reality she is just going through the normal phase that all girls go through at that age.
I was the same, when I hit 18 I just wanted to have fun. I wanted to go out, party with my friends and experience life. I had been tied down in serious relationships since the age of 15 and wanted some freedom to live my life without a man holding me back. So I ended up cheating on the guy I was with at the time and even though he took me back, I then 2 weeks later told him I didnt love him anymore (yes I was a bitch, I very much regret those few months of my life but everyone makes mistakes!).
For some reason men and women act very differently between the ages of about 17 and 20. Men are happier to be in a relationship and maintain the balance between a social life and girlfriend, whereas girls just dont cope very well with it and seem to want to be free. I think men get to that phase when they hit their mid to late 20's, they seem to want to do the whole bachelor thing around that age!
I think you just have to leave her to it to be honest, get it out of her system. I like to believe that if it was meant to be then you will get back together at some point in the future - it might be months, it might be years but if you are meant to be together then your paths will cross again oneday. But its up to you if you want to hang around and wait for her to finish having her fun.
She will be very confused right now - part of her really loves you and wants you back, the other part wants to be free to enjoy life. If you choose to wait around for her then you will have to be prepared for her to be with other men and you will have to be able to deal with that.
There's not a lot more I can say I'm afraid - it is just a phase all girls go through and they all normally grow out of it. It is just down to you whether you are willing to wait around for what could be years to get this girl back. Or you could just cut your losses and move on. Staying friends would be the worst idea for you - seeing her but not being able to have her in the same way you used to will just make things so much worse.
I hope this helps and if you have any more questions please feel free to ask!
...............................
A
female
reader, Renee okc +, writes (11 August 2009):
Why do you want to get back together when all ya'll do is argue and say hateful things to each other. I think she is right to take it slow maybe you guy's should try being friends for right now and then take it from there. Do you know how exhausting it is to argue with someone constantly, maybe she is not mentally ready. It seems to me you both are at fault for the relationship going bad. It started with you and the girl, She was probably thinking if he can do what he wants then so will I and after she left you started doing what you wanted. See honey what you have to realize is that you both are young and feelings change as people change so you guy's may never be back to where you were, so now you have to form a different type of relationship and stop living in the past and what use to be. You both have changed and the sooner you two accept that than the faster you can start fresh and move on as friends or lovers.
...............................
|
