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Everything I do my friend copies.

Tagged as: Friends, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 April 2018) 5 Answers - (Newest, 18 April 2018)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

So ive had the same best friend for atleast ten years, we have had our ups and downs but anything that would end a friendship..

But my peoblem is, lately, shes been doing everything EXACTLY like me.. Like let me explain, if i say im changing clothes, she changes, if i want extra avacado on my sandwhich, she does too, if i say something about a certain experience or why i dont like something, she has an EXACT same stoey.. She wants to be just like me and aometimes it drives me insane.. I know i ahouldnt be agitated, she just looks up to me in some waya, so what do i do? Ending friendship is not on the table lol, shes like my sister, HELP!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2018):

My friend of 20 years did that with me it drove me insane. i nearly snapped because it went on and on . I started commenting like on a night out just before leaving hers id say dont be wearing the jacket thats same as mine well look like idiots she eventually took the hint i was getting fed up with her copying me, she has since tried to find her own self .

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A female reader, Dionee' South Africa +, writes (15 April 2018):

Dionee' agony auntShe has issues; a low self esteem and low self confidence. She thinks that you have things together more than she does and she probably thinks that if she copies you, it will help her become as confident and as sure as yourself as you are. It's strange, I know.

The thing is, she is your best friend for so long, so clearly, there are things that initially drew the two of you to each other. I think that now is the time to dig deeper (as her friend) and have a conversation about her. I'm sure she has things about her or the things that she does that you admire and that you think are absolutely cool... point these things out to her. Maybe she will learn to embrace her own style and feelings on certain things thereafter.

I had a friend tell me that she is intimidated by me because I seem to know exactly who I am and what I like. I told her that self awareness comes with my being aware of everything about myself, the good and bad. I don't defend my character flaws, I embrace them. I told her that I just know how to channel my strengths and my weaknesses accordingly.

Another told me that she envies my style in clothing and make up so I told her that I'd help style her wardrobe (with chic clothing that suits her body type and style) and I'd give her some make up tutorials that would best suit HER complexion and skin type. She won't have to copy me because I'll be helping her figure out who she is and what she likes.

My point is that sometimes some people really struggle with finding their own identity and that's where you can help and just assist her in little ways. She may need some guidance and someone to help her figure out that SHE is amazing especially because she is DIFFERENT to you and she adds contrast to your friendship. Who wants to be friends with someone exactly like them? My gosh. You're already annoyed because she's becoming a mini you, imaging if she were to inherently be you? No way. Help her figure this out. It may be fun.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2018):

I had the exact same problem. I've been friends with my ex best friend for about 7 years, however, jealousy and copying me was taking over her, i couldn't handle it at all. People do that because of self confidence issues, they want to be YOU because they cant figure out who they are, what they want, or how they want to appear. I've talked to her about this issue a couple of times, we end up in a fight, she goes back to normal for a few weeks, then she turns to her old behavior again. And i guess what? I literally woke up one day, and decided to end everything. Because trust me, your friend's behavior will turn into jealousy, it will be a very toxic friendship and very frustrating. Although my friend wanted to fix things, i couldn't accept her apology again, because, she always did, and they were fake and short term apologies. Those friendships will stress the hell out of you, it will make you insane at some point. No one wants their unique personality to be copied by others. Since i cut her off (it's been a year now) and i couldn't express to you how mentally happy i am without her, i feel stress-free. You don't need those types of friends in your life, no matter how long you've been friends with her, people change, she isn't the same person as you met her the first time, you outgrown her, and this is great. Time to find new positive friends and cut off future negativity.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (14 April 2018):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntWhile imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, I can understand why this would be annoying.

I suspect she lacks the self confidence to make her own choices and her own decisions. Do you (perhaps?) criticise her for choices she makes? Or does someone else? She needs to understand HER choices are HER choices and are ok.

In your shoes I would ask for her opinion on things before doing them. If she makes a choice for herself, however small, say "Ooh, THAT's a good idea" (or whatever is appropriate) and build up her confidence. Eventually she may stop copying everything you do.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (14 April 2018):

Honeypie agony auntShe is copying you because she hasn't found her own style and preference and she thinks you have.

We ALL kind of copy things from other people. THAT is how fashion works. There is nothing really original in fashion.

Often times friends sort of feed off of and influence each other. the closer friends are the more they tend to like the same things and share the same notions and ideas. So... if you look at YOURSELF for a minute - do you also copy her from time to time? Or is it one-way?

You could choose to approach your friend’s actions as a compliment. Does it HURT you in your day to day life? Or is it just a little annoying?

Instead of being annoyed with it maybe ... encourage your friend to embrace her own style, taste, and individuality. Help her find her own style.

I do think she will outgrow it.

If all that doesn't work, then talk to her. You say you are best friends and close as sisters. Remember, she might not even realize what shes doing.

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