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Is he interested or not, or is he just shy?

Tagged as: Friends, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 April 2018) 3 Answers - (Newest, 15 April 2018)
A female Ireland age 22-25, anonymous writes:

A friend of mine has been trying for months to hook me up with a guy she knows, but I really hate being set up so I've been brushing it off. She constantly tells me how alike he and I are; we're both family oriented, determined, somewhat shy around new people, we share hobbies, etc. Well, she managed to get us in the same room together, at a party.

My friend briefed me on what she had told him about me, then went and got him to intodruce us. She did the whole "M this is K. K, M." thing, I said hello, he said nothing... just looked at his shoes and seemed really uncomfortable. Had this been the end of things I would have thought he wasn't really intertested.

But, for the rest of the night he kind of followed me around, not in a creepy way, he just always seemed to show up where I was, and he had no problem looking at/talking to anyone else in the group around me. I did catch him looking at me a couple times, but he would look down quickly and get fidgety. This to me reads shy, but being that I am the same way I didn't approach him because I don't like imposing myself on people.

A few weeks later I'm at the theatre with friends and I bump into him again in the ticket line.

One of the girls I was with had dropped something, and I feel someone tap on my shoulder. I turn around, and it's him. From behind I don't think he knew it was me. He's holding out the dropped item, so I say something to the effect of "Oh, that's so and so's, I'll get it back to her" I take it, and he just stands there, looking right into my eyes, smiling. Usually in a situation like that I would be crazy uncomfortable, because I find eye contact difficult when I'm not in a work setting, but I felt completely at ease which is totally out of colour for me. I couldn't help but smile. As corny as it sounds, it was like time froze, I honestly don't know how long we stood there like that before I turned around and went to find my group. The friends he was there with ended up meeting up with my friends, so we spent a good chunk of the night together, BUT... he didn't look at me at all for the rest of the night. Even when I was talking to someone in our group, no one else was talking, and he was facing me, he wouldn't look in my direction.

So now I'm confused. Is he interested and shy? Is he not interested and trying to brush the whole thing off?

On paper, and from being around him when he's hanging with his friends, being more outgoing, does seem like someone I would like to get to know... not necessarily romantically (as attraction for me is more based on personality and I've only caught a glimpse of his) just as a person. I don't what what to do.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (15 April 2018):

Honeypie agony auntIt's hard to say if he is really interested or just really bad at making a first, second or even third move.

I would just try and talk to him or include him in conversations (when you are in the group of friends) but try and do it without putting him on the spot.

He might not know how to really put himself forward with women he is interested in. IF he is interested.

Now if he KNOWS this mutual friend has been trying to set you two up.. he might just be uncomfortable with the idea. Maybe he LIKES to pick who he can see himself with.

So tell your friend to back off on trying to "match" you two up. He is no aware of you and probably sussing you out and he might approach you (if he is interested in you in his own time. Not because the mutual friend is pushing.

So just go slow. If you can, include him. If he does nothing with that for the next couple of months.. let the notion go and presume he isn't into you.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (14 April 2018):

Your friend has basically put him on the spot, he has an opening. If he hasn't taken it, maybe you're not his type.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (14 April 2018):

Grown-men have to man-up! I don't have much patience with shyness anymore; even though I myself was once shy. I just decided I would push myself, or be lonely.

He has to grow a pair and talk to you; or you should just shrug him off. It's a freaking waste of time waiting for somebody to make a move; and standing there like a deer in headlights, when you face each other. If he's socially-awkward around females, he'll be a total bore. Speaking from experience.

How come your friend knows so much about him, and yet he acts like a total ass-hat around you? Seriously?!!

What's the point, if he stands there speechless every-time?

Say something, or ignore him forever. Shy grown-men are annoying. You're two grown-ups, not grade-schoolers.

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