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Everything about my boyfriend annoys me, but I still really care about him.

Tagged as: Dating, Faded love, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 May 2008) 3 Answers - (Newest, 16 May 2009)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I've been dating this guy for about 2 months now, and lately it seems like everything he does annoys me. I get annoyed by the way he drives, when he doesn't listen to me, when he lies to me, and even when we are cuddling he annoys me. I really like him and want a future with him, how do I get over some of these things that annoy me so much? Even the way he laugh annoys me now...

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A female reader, becksense United Kingdom +, writes (16 May 2009):

I find my boyfriend really annoying sometimes though we can usually laugh about it afterwards,and forgive each other when our tempers have burnt out.I think though the key to dealing with annoying habits or behaviour is to keep an ongoing conversation about it and be open about the things about each other which irritate you both.Then hopefully when tempers fray things don't go too far or get really vindictive or hurtful.Perhaps some scheduled activity alone for the two of you doing something you enjoy can keep things light,and give you more to talk about when together.Also this should make you appreciate your time together so neither of you feels swamped or gets the others habits out of proportion.If something really bugs you though,like a personal hygiene thing make it known in a caring way first before you snap.

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A female reader, Susan Strict United Kingdom +, writes (14 May 2008):

Susan Strict agony auntAsk yourself whether he has changed or whether it's your attitude to him that has changed.

The first few months (sometimes longer) of physical and emotional attraction in a relationship very often make you blind to the reality. Now the flame is dying down a bit, the smoke is clearing, maybe.

As I said in another answer today, there are two parts to a workable relationship, and if you can't at least tolerate the day-to-day behaviour of your partner then all the physical and emotional attraction in the world is never going to make up for it.

If he has really changed since you met him, for the worse, then that's a different matter and you need to work out why he has changed. Once you have some of idea of the causes, you have a chance of being able to put it right.

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A female reader, dreamingwithabrokenheart United States +, writes (14 May 2008):

dreamingwithabrokenheart agony auntI was in this almost exact same situation - my boyfriend asked me out and I liked him because he was intelligent, nice and funny and of course I was flattered that he liked me. Even during the 'honeymoon period' a lot of things about him annoyed me. At first I thought I wouldn't let them bother me, and they really didn't in the beginning. But over time these things built up and as much as I told myself that they didn't annoy me, I was really bothered by them. So I started to bicker more with him and criticize things and find myself getting into petty arguments even if there was no reason.

I was really in love with him for the soulful person inside, but he had a lot of little annoying things that over time I couldn't handle. Eventually we broke up because he 'wasn't ready for a relationship' but really I know that it's because we weren't right for each other. Thankfully I've come to terms with that now!

Anyways, my advice to you is that to stick it out a while longer and get past the honeymoon stage and your true colors will come out as you get more and more annoyed by him. The thing is, you may like a lot about him as a person but the annoying things he does are a part of him too and you can't pretend they don't exist, because they actually do and they are actually are annoying you. MAybe you are right for each other on one level but on another you obviously have some difficulty with him.

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