A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am going to be a sophomore in college, and i am currently dating a guy who is going to be a senior. Although our relationship is pretty new, i can honestly see myself with him for a really long time, if not forever. Things are going great, but there are a few pet pieves that i have and i dont know if i am just over reacting, or if they are reason enough for me to get irritated. i need help!! Problem one: I am going to be 19 at the end of the summer and he is going to be 21 during the summer. We are only 2 years apart, but he has this way of talking to me that makes me feel like i am so much younger, or too immature for him, when really i feel like i am pretty mature for my age, due to experience. Should i take it personally? I have confronted him about it, but he continues to crack jokes. What should i do?Problem two: Our sex life. I have been sexually active with 6 people, my new guy being my 7th. He on the other hand has been with about 22 girls. I feel like when we have sex i am being compared to the other 21 girls that he has been with. I feel this way because of the comments he makes. Every time we pass a girl he has slept with he makes moaning noises, ex" mmmm" oooo" aaaa" and makes a comment like "o i banged her out real good" or "she wants it bad" he always says he is just kidding and he does it because he likes getting the reaction from me because it shows that i care. but i hate it so much. What do i do? do i take it as a sign of his own insecurity? or should be worried?Thanks :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2008): What he is saying is sooo disrespectful- to you and to the girls he's been with. I just hope you realize how disrespectful it is. This is a huge red flag. Personally, I would never give this guy the time of day. Sure, maybe he has some good attributes and seems to be sincere with you, but a man(or woman) who doesn't possess basic respect and integrity (which he obviously doesn't if he 'bangs girls out real good' and then mocks them), will never give you the respect you need. He also seems to be immature and insecure, but this does not justify his behavior. If things don't work out for you, you could be the one he teases when he walks by with some other girl, but that's a hell of a lot better than staying in a respectless relationship.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2008): It sounds like you are the mature one in the relationship, and any insecurities that you do have are perfectly normal, especially for someone your age.
I am surprised you let him get away with saying such derogatory comments though, maybe this is just an isolated incident but do you think you're not being blinded by love?
Perhaps he is the one encouraging your insecurity by his lack of respect towards you?
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A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker  +, writes (21 May 2008):
 His behaviour is INCREDIBLY immature. You might risk starting a major argument with him, but I think you ought to tell him how infantile he is being. Shout a bit. He needs shouting at.
And you are concerned about getting irritated? I reckon you ought to get really furious. I don't think a quiet talk with him is going to solve this one. Show him your anger, and tell him in no uncertain terms that he is being a complete ***hole. Someone needs to.
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A
female
reader, Lily Moll +, writes (21 May 2008):
Ditto- he doesn't respect you. And his reason for continuing to make comments is that it "gets a reaction" out of you?! So you tell him that something bothers you, and he continues to do it not despite the fact that it bothers you but BECAUSE it bothers you?! That's craziness. That's the exact opposite of what someone who cares about you would do. Yes, he's insecure, he's immature, but he's also messing with your head and emotions and getting a kick out of upsetting you. Try to talk with him about it, and whether or not he can have an adult conversation with you about his behavior and your feelings will be a good indication of whether or not it's something to worry about. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (21 May 2008):
 He may be older than you and tries to make you feel immature but actually he is the immature one here. Girls tend to mature emotionally before guys and he is certainly proving that. He doesnt seem to have a lot respect for you, There is no need to even acknowledge that he slept with someone you pass by and to give you details is gross.
You say you can see a future here but if you already have these niggles now it doesnt look very good to me. You can try talking to him about all this but you may have to make a decision. Either move on and forget him or stay with him long enough for him to mature, but he may never change.
Good luck x
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