A
female
age
30-35,
*alitex56
writes:So I'm pushing twenty one, my hubby is pushing twenty three, and we've been together since I was 15. I know what you may be thinking, but we seem to be mature for our ages, both have l careers and all in all are genuinely happy with who each of us married when it comes to our everyday life together. My issue lies with holidays/ special days, or just plain finances to be honest. When we began dating, he would buy me roses or cute gifts just because he felt like it. However, in all the years we've been more serious, if you will, I've gotten a whopping total of three gifts from him, one of which is my wedding ring, and one bouquet of flowers. He is the breadwinner of the family (us + our dogs), and pays most of our rent and electricity bill etc., which I am truly grateful for, but I help out a ton, especially when you take into account that I make literally 1/6th of what he does, if not less. He insists on keeping our $$ separate also. Anyways, I always put so much thought into his Christmas and birthday presents and he barely/ doesn't even think about it. He does take me out to dinner every once in awhile, but I buy him just as much, if not more than he buys me. If he buys something for me, it's sure to soon follow with "hey, since I bought this, can you buy that? Thanks.", as we're in the checkout line, which makes me feel like a fantastic roommate... I'm not trying to make it sound like I'm miserable, we truly love each other, but here it is Valentines day and I didn't even get a card. Believe me, I'd be happy if he picked me a dandelion. He wouldn't help me pay for my car to get fixed so I could get to work, but bought himself a new car instead. His was perfectly fine. I guess I just feel like he should want to see me happy, but every holiday is another disappointment. Am I overreacting? How do I fix this issue with my stubborn husband?? Any advice is thoroughly appreciated!! Thank you. P.S. Ive tried talking to him about it and hinting to him things like "I'd like a box of chocolates for Valentines." he promised.... Yet didn't follow through....
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female
reader, sammi star  +, writes (15 February 2011):
 His attitude to finances is really selfish. If you were on a similar wage or only a casual relationship it may be acceptable but seeing as you're married it's a little worrying that he doesn't want to help you out a bit more.
But seeing as you're happy with the rest of your relationship and he doesn't look like he's going to change his ways any time soon then I suggest you play him at his own game! Giving someone a gift for their birthday/valentines/anniversary isn't about how much you spend, it's about showing the other person you've thought of them and you care enough to buy/make them something. It's a bit disrespectful in my opinion that he doesn't want to show you this consideration.
Stop buying him gifts! That will probably be quite difficult because you're obviously generous but he will soon start to wonder why you haven't bought him anything like you used to. If he brings it up just say 'oh I thought we didn't do presents seeing as you didn't get me anything?' Why should he recieve and never give??
Hopefully this will make him think a little and maybe even give him a push to at least buy you a card and maybe a small gift on future occasions.
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