A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi people, I've got this stupid problem that shouldn't really be a problem but I don't know..Well, when I was a young girl like..13 I used to dress up, like really take pride in my appearance and people would notice me. One day I heard a bunch of guys saying that I was a tease, putting it out there but never giving. And I had never ever meant to give anyone the impression that I was putting "anything" out there. I didn't dress like that..I certainly never acted like that, I didn't have my first kiss till I was 17. Then a couple weeks later I was at a dance and this huge girl just came up and shoved me really hard and called me a slut. I don't know what that was about but it dawned on me then that girls really didn't like me. So I started wearing boys clothes all the time, cut my hair really really short and adopted a male alter-ego. Guys treated me completely differently and girls were nicer. My parents thought I was a lesbian, which is half true but anyway. I've been working in a restaurant since the start of the year and met this great guy,we got along so well,then I had two weeks off. When I came back to work I was in a counter position. My boss kept encouraging me to wear makeup and to do my hair, so I did it and looked really feminine. The guy got this huge shock when he saw me in makeup and ever since then has referred to me as "sexy" and will not shut up about it. He gives me really dirty looks and makes ridiculous suggestions...altogether being a real asshole. We were like best-friends..more then best friends, he really liked me before I changed my looks. But now he only seems to be interested in sex. I confronted him and he apologised and has been very respectful since. But it's like my whole opinion of him has changed. I mean were supposed to be in the process of becoming a couple. Sounds stupid.."in the process" but anyways and yeah..the mind's a weird thing and I just can't get over that huge change in him..even though he's back to normal. He made me feel so cheap, and ashamed of trying to look nice. Can people explain his reaction maybe..or just some insight into the situation would be great.
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best friend, cheap, lesbian, my boss, notice me Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2011):
I was the guy in a similar situation. I had a good female friend who always wore baggy clothes, pants, no make-up, shorter hair, and so on. I thought she was okay looking, but sort of plain. Then one day her sister made her up. She wore a skirt and make-up and just looked very feminine and sexy: sort of like herself, but also like a different person. She said she felt stupid looking like that, but she was gorgeous. Something woke up inside of me for her, some sort of sexual passion for her that hadn't previously existed. Now, I wasn't a jerk about it, but I started pressuring her to dress like that more often and I think she felt objectified by that. That's probably why she dressed down to begin with.
Wish I had a happy ending, but I don't. She moved away and even though we still see each other sometimes we are just friends. I noticed that she dresses a little more feminine than she used to, but not like she did for that short period. I think she is doing herself a disservice, but she says that she gets enough attention from creeps as it is. In the end, she has to be comfortable with herself. However, I feel like I know this wonderful secret about her, which is that she can be extremely beautiful if she wants to be. I hope that some day she finds a man she can reveal that side to.
A
female
reader, babyfayce123  +, writes (4 June 2011):
 You shouldnt let others get you down. Cutting your hair and what not just because a few girls call you names because you dress with a high fashion isnt necassary. They are only jealous because you dress nicely. And if the guy looks at you as a more sex object, he only wants sex. He doesnt want a real relationship. Be who you are..but only if it makes YOU comfortable.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (4 June 2011):
 HI
I dont think he meant anything to drastic, probally thought he would flatter your ego. But you have took it in the wrong way bcause of how these girls made you feel. Try being yourself and give a c**P what other people think!! you know who you are and thats all that matters, I am a singer and if I changed the way I look to please everyone because they were jealous of my attention I would end up in a nut house. Sod em, if you want to dress nice, wear make-up,have your hair pretty, go for it, its not your fault your pretty enough to be able to:) And as far as the guy goes, he apologised, his been different since so give him a chace to redeem himself. And the next time someone trys to bully you tell them where to stick it, because if you dont stick up for yourself now, you never will xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2011): You should find a guy who loves you for you not you're looks. Leave him. He's not worth it. And about people teasing you...you made a wrong choice by changing who you are. By staying the same you could have known who loves you the way you are. Now you don't have to change the way you look. Be you're old self. You only live once and it should be you're way not on the basis of what others think. I think he's the type who's changing according to you're looks and that is NOT a healthy relationship. Take care and good luck.
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