A
female
age
36-40,
*loreskathryn
writes:I have been with my husband for almost 4 years. We were together a full year before he got sent to Iraq. When he got back he just wasn't the same person. He was always sweet and caring and buying me roses for no reason. Now he is so short tempered and it seems that he starts fights for every little thing. He yells at me for no reason and always says he is mad at me because I got mad for no reason, but many times that this happens I am not even upset or angry. He just starts yelling out of no where. One example being that we pawned our wedding rings because we were having financial problems and he didn't get them out in time so we lost them. I was just sitting there quietly not even saying anything. And he started yelling at me out of no where about how I am such a (B word) and that I ruin everything and things like that. Another example is yesterday I was playing with him and he started yelling at me b/c he said I was mad. I have no idea where these outbursts come from and its terrible upsetting because when I try to tell him that I am not mad or anything he always shuts me up. I always try to explain things to diffuse the situation, but he always says I am lying and I have no idea why he thinks I always lie. And he always makes sure to throw it in my face that he loves his kids (from his previous marriage) more than me. I am not sure at all what I should do. I know that I need to move on, but I just need other people to tell me that so that it is easier for me to move on. I want to work it out with him so badly, but I know nothing will change and he will continue to treat me like crap. Help?!
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (20 August 2010):
 I agree that he could be suffering from PTSD. It is common for guys coming back from deployments.
You can check out www.armywivesforums.com for advice and support
A
female
reader, my_way_1213 +, writes (20 August 2010):
Maybe moving on is not the best thing just yet. It sounds like he needs consulting and maybe some couples consulting also. And with some help you can have back the man you feel in love with. Also there is nothing wrong with him loving his kids more then you that's the way it's should to be, they where then before you came along
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A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (20 August 2010):
You both need help with this.
If he's still on active duty or call-up status, or in separation leave status, then get to your military medical facility ASAP - whether he comes along or not. The primary care physician (or whatever they call it these days) will get you to the right department.
If he has been released from active duty you'll have to get him to go with you and argue with the VA. Somebody from his unit may be helpful in getting him to cooperate. (There may be a grace period - probably something like 30 or 60 days after release from active duty - when he can still get evaluated within the active-duty military medical system for situations like this.)
(When I finally came on active duty in 1975 the U.S. had been pretty much out of Southeast Asia for two years - but some of the guys I supervised, or served with, were STILL working through problems similar to this! Some marriages and families were already tallied up as "casualties". In the generation-and-a-half since then I hope the Armed Services have developed better methods of dealing with it.)
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A
male
reader, wisernow +, writes (20 August 2010):
He's been throgh a lot.... while you sat at home.... so give him some time to adjust..... After going off to war in a foreign country Sitting down with a priest or minister may help to open some doors and start the healing process. And remember he is now a more worldly person than was the guy who went off to Iraq.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2010): You know ive met alot of men that were in the Armed Forces and i have relatives aswell. So i can understand what her is going through right now .. I honestly think he loves you! But when people witness and go through war like he has been. People do cope differntly. I think that the best solution is to be there for him and seek counseling. Both for marriage counseling and him for therapy. He needs to unwind mentally. But i also believe that if it becomes violent and it doesnt get any better over time with counseling that you must seperate yourself from him. Sometimes people fall so low from what theyve been through that they become violent not only physicly but emotionally abusive. So seek help from a pastor or some sort of counselor. That may be the only way to help him and you at this point. Best of luck .
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (20 August 2010):
 Hon, it really sounds like he's suffering from PTSD. Do you have a contact person with his unit -- the chaplain, for example? Your man needs some professional help and support. They ran in to some very tough stuff in Iraq, stuff that the folk back home cannot relate to. He needs to talk to folk who have been there and who get it.
None of that means that your relationship can necessarily be saved. But get him some help first, before you decide that you have to leave.
Good luck.
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