A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm stuck on my ex of almost 7 months. He only just convinced me to try the relationship again this week, and he was back yelling at me again within 24 hours. He hung up like always, will pretend not to talk for like 2 weeks but I don't really doubt that hell be back at some point'(After I first broke up with him, he did this about 3 times even though we were just talking/friends). The answer is obvious, go no contact and forget him...but I'm struggling with even the thought of it. I'll probably be stupid again.So, instead of going on about myself when the answer is obvious, tell me your stories! Give me any advice!(Also, please don't belittle me and tell me how stupid I am for still caring. Try to understand not everything is easy and I already feel stupid enough as it is for still caring. I need support and understanding, please.)
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (18 January 2014):
 If I had a nickel for every time I got "stuck" on someone who was bad for me.... I'd BE A VERY WELL-TO-DO MAN!!!!
Good luck....
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 January 2014):
 Oh you can still care as much as you like. As long as you also muster the backbone, the wisdom and the pride to not go back for the 4th time to someone who yells at you regularly.
Not everything is easy ?... It should not even be THAT difficult, unless you are a person who enjoys to be yelled at. Then again, life is full of things which aren't easy : quitting smoking if you are a smoker. Losing weight if you are obese. Leaving the comfort and financial security of your parents' home to make a life of your own. Showing up in time at school or work everyday ehen it would be much cozier and comfier to stay in your nice warm bed. Stay home every night with your baby while your single friends go out clubbong and partying.
Everything is difficult. It just depends how much it matters to you. If it does matter, at some point you just decide to do it, and stick to your decision.
Everything has a cost. If you want your freedom, peace of mind and self esteem back, you will be prepared to pay the TEMPORARY price of some loneliness, wistfulness or sadness.
It ain't even that expensive for what you get in change.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2014): No one will belittle you here. We may give you some frank and direct answers. You can't ask for advice and then censor responses. We have freedom of speech.
Please don't refer to yourself as being stupid. It's hard to breakup for anyone. I got dumped in April, and it hurt like hell. I decided to just get over it, and feel all the better. I'm free and seeing other people now. Good people!
You're establishing a pattern with your boyfriend; when you break up and comeback together. You're avoiding the bad feelings you feel when he's gone. You're masking the truth that the relationship isn't really working; but you just don't want him to find anyone else.
You can't stand the thought of him with another girl. It's hard to move on yourself, so you cling to him.
You need to read books about getting over someone bad for you. Addictions to people. You need to learn how to get through the bad feelings after breaking up with a guy. Feeling bad "without" him, doesn't feel any worse than staying with him;and letting him break your heart and mistreat you. You aren't giving yourself a chance to get over him, or to find anyone else.
He doesn't really want you back. Chances are, he is seeing other girls and dating secretly between breakups. Probably even while he's with you. You want to be blind to it; but you feel it in your heart. He doesn't want you with other boys; but that will not stop him from seeing other girls.
So he'll carry on both, to keep you in the same place you are right now. Miserable and unhappy.
Read about narcissists, and see if it sounds like your guy. How they put a hold on you, and how to get away from them.
You'll figure it out. You'll get tired of going back and forth. You're missing out on freedom and having fun. Being his slave.
Wishing you could be with someone who treats you good, and just feeling young and happy. You are caught up in the life of being a drama queen. Living in a daily soap opera with a guy who makes you feel bad, more than he makes you feel good.
You're not stuck with him. It's just hard to let go; because you're very young and sensitive. He is either your first, or the first serious relationship. That makes it the hardest to get over.
Try to get out of it so he won't traumatize you emotionally. If you cry a lot, don't get sleep, or you can't eat. It will eventually start to affect your physical health, and make you look older. You could develop depression.
People who are bad for you, change you. They traumatize you and make you feel bad about yourself. They lower your self-esteem. Then when you finally find someone new, the new boyfriend can't stand to be around you for too long. You're so damaged and screwed-up they can't remain in a relationship with you.
The longer you stay with that guy, the more damage is done.
You might find someone who can relate to your story; not anyone who is going to tell you that it's okay to stay in a relationship that's bad for you.
The people here have experienced what you have, and will tell you what they think will help you. We care about the people that seek help here. We try to help people figure out how to make things better.
Your parents and loved ones have probably tried to intervene, and you may not be one for taking anybody's advice. You take advice as criticism. This site is for people seeking opinions, help, and advice. Not people looking for empty sympathy; and justification for harming yourself.
I honestly hope you get the strength to let go, and things work out for you. I know you will, and I know in time you'll find your happiness too.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (18 January 2014):
Realistically speaking, no one would support a relationship like this, where you chose to get back into. There are a lot of us that will understand but this does not actually help you.
In your story, you did not mention any problems nor did you show any processes of solving the problems. It is hard to offer real advice in this matter.
The answer is obvious, officially break up with him and find your lost friends again to support you.
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