A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidMy bf of 3 years act like a jerk these days, always humiliates me, belittles me, never hears me out, taking me for granted, i was not able to share my joys, sorrows nothing with him, whenever i try to share something he insults me with some bad words.I am not able to take this anymore, though he insults me i still go back to him, what is wrong with me, i don't want to be like this, but still i crawl back every-time he insults me, what happened to my self-esteem, why am i like thisPlease help me Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (16 January 2014):
One word...WHY??
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 January 2014):
 you take it because maybe you are afraid to be alone
or maybe you think this is what you deserve
also you may be getting SOMETHING out of the relationship.
make a list... in fact make two
take a sheet of paper draw a line down the middle...
write PRO on the top of one side and CON on the top of the other side
on the PRO side list EVERYTHING GOOD about the relationship and the man... EVERY LITTLE THING...
on the CON side write EVERYTHING that is wrong with the relationship and the man... everything... even if it seems silly like "he only wears tee shirts" or whatever it is.
then compare the two lists... which one is better?
that's why you stay.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2014): YOU said it what happened to my self-esteem? ? You don't have any is the problem..First Of all the word boyfriend has the word friend in it...your boyfriend should be your best friend someone you can tell anything to (without judgment) or (belittled) you shouldn't be embarrassed in front of him an he shouldn't am he shouldn't embarrassing you ..you need to get rid of him an not go back at all do things for yourself that make you feel good like going out with friends (positive friends an people) who will help you to stay away from him an in time ad the days turn into weeks an then months that you don't go crawling back to him an IM sure he will try to contact you an you might think about going back but believe me you don't deserve that from anyone ..I don't know you but I do know no one deserves to be treated like that.. ..would you allow your parents, friends etc..treat you that way?? I doubt :it an if you do you really need to get to counseling maybe you should anyway. Considering what he's doing is verbal :abuse. Which is worse then being hit..I'dpersonally rather not deal with any abuse but lets say i had a choice..rather have someone punch me in the face then to be verbally cut up..honey ..move on an don't go back like i said the longer you stay away from him an workon you by building your self-esteem n evn maybe going to counseling believe me it gets easier an better an some day you will look back an say " thank God I'm not still with him" instead of being jealous of him being with other girls you'll actually feel sorry for whatever girl gets with him ..i know i never thought that would get away from my ex who was the same way it takes along time to rebuild your self but you can do it an the next time you meet a Guy you'll stop any type of abuse because you'll be smarter an see the signs way earlier than later ..i wish u all the luck in the world you can do it girl ..
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (16 January 2014):
 Maybe something inside you thinks a bad relationship is better than no relationship, but that's not true. Better to be single by far.
Maybe your dad was like this guy and you grew up thinking this sort of behaviour was normal. Well it's not normal and it's not OK.
Be confident and break up with him for good. Do you have friends who can support you? Ask them to help you.
You can do it!
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (16 January 2014):
 You are like it because he made you like it.
You have become submissive and unable to think for yourself. You have become his posession and you do not believe you have the right or the inclination to leave.
Imagine yourself in 30 years time, approaching old age and still being put down by this guy?
We lie to ourselves, we tell ourselves that if we love someone we should fight on and put up with any old crap, just so we can remain in a relationship, just so we can avoid being alone.
We also lie to ourselves when we say people can change. What we do not understand is that WE CANNOT CHANGE OTHER PEOPLE...they can only change themselves but with issues like domestic abuse and cheating...it rarely happens.
If you had 100 other guys lining up to get to know you and date you...would you go back to him then?
Men like him NEED to spend their lives ALONE...without any female company at all because they have proven they are not suitable relationship material. Maybe then, after years and years alone will he see that he needs to change.
By going back to him time and time again, you are enabling him to continue to be abusive. You are saying 'It's OK for you to put me down and destroy me'
Only when you get away from him and resolve NEVER to go back, will you begin to crawl out of the darkness.
Remember the old lady...is she going to be happily married to someone else or is she going to be the beaten down, brainwashed, bitter little shadow who gave her life to a loser bully asshole?
You are at the cross roads...which way are you going to go?
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