A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,When I was younger ( 4-5 years ago ) I started a relationship with a girl from my class. It went fine and was your run of the mill high school relationship. We used to chat for hours over the internet and phone. We would hold hands and talk in school. After 3 years, toward the end of high-school we made out and I asked her if she was ready to have sex. ( it would have been the first time for the both of us) She said she wasn't ready and I was saddened by the fact that I gave so much time and effort for a relationship but she still felt like I hadn't done enough. However within a few months after we graduated I left the country and so we broke it off mutually. We were glad there was no ugly break up and we have spoken a few times over the internet as the years went on. Now that I am in uni, I told this story to my roommate and he said that I did a bad thing by leading her on and then asking for sex. I feel guilty now and am unsure of what to do. I wonder if I should ask her if she felt that way. Please advise.
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (4 November 2011):
 I don't think you did anything bad. Unless your culture is all for marriage before sex. Did she date you because you two made plans to marry at some point? Or did she assume you would marry her?
You were young, physically, emotionally and mentally atrracted to her, not wanting to have sex would have been more "abnormal". You didn't try and force the issue and you ended it due to leaving the country, not because she wouldn't have sex with you.
Don't regret the 3 years with her, sex or no sex, you obviously know how to be respectful & loving of your partner.
And I think your friend is very wrong in his judgement.
And no, I don't think you need to appologize to the ex.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (4 November 2011):
 At what point did you lead her on? You didn't. It's not like you dumped her after she declined your offer to have sex.
The break-up was a mutual one, and most likely due to you leaving the country.
It's pointless to ask her now how she felt years ago..it's a thing of the past. Move on with your life and remain friends with your ex.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2011): If you really feel that way then apologise to the girl but as long as you didnt pressure her or was nasty about it then i personally dont think you done wrong. To have a go at her for not wanting sex would have been wrong but if the dissapointed thoughts were never spoken out loud then dont beat yourself up coz ur only human. Im sure alot of us have felt like that
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