A
female
age
30-35,
*ilPixie
writes:I don't think I need any advice as such... I guess I just need somewhere to say how I'm feeling about things at the moment. I'll warn you now, this is going to be very long.Just to give you little insight - Me and my boyfriend met over the internet. We first started talking November 2008 and met for the first around 3 or 4 months later. Things went great and I moved in with him, his mum and stepdad August last year.And that's where my problem lies. I never really liked coming to visit him as everything in this house just seems to be dirty, filthy and disgusting. I decided to move in anyway as I had just finished college and had nothing else going on, while he's got a job here so it was just easier for me to move. Neither of us thought that 9 months later we'd still be living here. I started looking for a job as soon as I moved in but nowhere I applied seemed to be interested in me. In november I finally found an apprenticeship placement in a nursery. Obviously it wasn't going to be as much money as a normal job but it was better than nothing. The same week that I started work there I found out I was pregnant. It was unexpected and a big shock at first but we decided we wanted to keep the baby. Anyway, the nursery I was working in turned out to be a nightmare to work at. I was just miserable, depressed and completely stressed out working there. After talking to some of the other members of staff I found out they felt exactly the same way. By February I quit as I honestly couldn't deal with that place any longer and I knew the stress wasn't going to help with the pregnancy. There wasn't any other nurseries around that had any placements free so I had no choice other than to put my course on hold. I looked for another job but again no one wanted to take me on. So since I'm not getting any income we've had to rely on my bf's job to get us through. We've done quite good so far but he's not earning enough to support both us, the baby and to have our own place. We've been on the council list waiting for a flat since around October but we won't be made a priority to get a place until the baby is actually born. I now only have 9 weeks left until the baby is born and I'm starting to worry about having to live in this house once he is here. Like I already said earlier, the house really isn't very clean, the only clean place is our bedroom which is quite small. There definitely won't be enough space for the baby to crawl around or anything once he gets to that stage. But I won't want him to crawl around downstairs as the floors are actually filthy. On top of that, both his mum and stepdad are quite heavy smokers and they always smoke in the house! So even when they're at work during the day you've got that horrible smell of smoke and I don't really want him breathing that in. I've tried to stay in the bedroom as much as possible as they'll smoke around everyone and (I apologise ahead for the swearing but it's really the best way to put it) don't give a fuck about anyone else around them. Being badly asthmatic, I can't breathe properly while they're smoking, and they know that, but still do it anyway. I've tried talking to my bf about how I feel being here but he doesn't really understand as he's grown up this way so it's all he knows - though he does feel bad that I'm not happy here. But because of this I can't tell him how much it's actually bothering me and I don't know what to do anymore. My mum has said that we could both move in with her, but it's over 3 hours away from here so my bf would have to give up his job and the last thing we need right now is for both of us to be jobless. And me moving back on my own isn't an option either (I think you can all guess why).In a way I just feel like I'm suffocating here. I'm stuck in the bedroom all day with nothing to do and I don't like spending time downstairs because of all the smoke and how dirty everything is, I just can't do anything in this house. There's nowhere for me to go during the day, there isn't even anywhere nice to just go for a walk. I have made friends with some of my bf's mates, but I don't want to see them all the time. For anyone who has read all of this, I'm sorry for it being so long, I just had to get as much as I could of what has happened as I could of my chest.
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (16 May 2011):
 I will apologise in advance if any of this comes across as harsh to you, it is not intended to upset you but it is hard to find sympathy in this case, so I may sound harsh in some instances.
Let me just say it right away - it pretty much is your own fault and you have brought this on yourself, and now us, the good old British tax payers are having to fork out for your mess. Great, another unemployed young mum with no future living off the government for the rest of your life.
You decided to move in with him and his family, therefore this is the house that you CHOSE to live in. His family have been kind enough to put you up in their home, bet you are not paying them any rent either! So you should at least be grateful for a roof over your head, and thankful that his family are kind enough to let another person who is not family live with them.
You also CHOSE to keep this baby, therefore you at that moment should have thought whether you can actually afford to give this baby a good life in an appropriate environment. It is your own fault that the baby will be living in a mess, you have made nothing of your own life and are now bringing a baby into that, it is entirely your choice so you need to live with the consequences.
You CHOSE to quit your job and not find anymore work - and DO NOT tell me there are no other jobs out there because I know there are hundreds, I bet you just dont want to do half the work that is out there. Have you not thought about getting at least a part time job in a shop, supermarket, becoming a cleaner, offering ironing services, working in a restaurant...etc? There are thousands of jobs out there that dont need qualifications, if you didnt do well at school or havent been to college then you still have to work - it doesnt mean you can sit on your backside all day complaining no employers were 'interested' in you. You need to take any job you can find, even if it is a horrible job - you have a baby to take care of now so that means you have to have an income, whether you enjoy the job or not.
So look at the situation from an outsiders perspective - you chose to move in with his parents who kindly let you live there, you quit your job (you weren't fired), you have not found any more work, you got pregnant.....and now you are complaining? And expecting a council house paid for by the hardworking people of the UK? Now you might understand why I am finding it hard to have any sympathy.
All I can suggest is that you have a family meeting with his parents and your boyfriend. Sit down together and talk about your worries, and ask them to help you out, and make sure your boyfriend backs you up. Explain what you are worried about when the baby arrives and ask them nicely what you would like from them.
And if still it doesnt get better, then you will have to get up off your backside and do the cleaning yourself. Yes it is not nice cleaning up other people's mess, but I bet you are living there rent free or very cheaply, and you have nothing else to do with yourself during the day - so why not keep yourself busy and clean?! At least that way you will not be bored anymore, and will have a nice clean house when the baby arrives. The smoking is bad, but it is their own house so if they want to smoke there is no reason why they should not. If you had a young girl telling you what to do in your own home you would not be too pleased now would you?
You have gotten yourself into this situation through your own choices, so you are just going to have to make the most of it until you get your own house. If you have to do the cleaning, then so be it. At least it will make a better environment for the baby. You will get a house from the council I'm sure, we are far too soft as a country on pregnant girls so you will get one very quickly. It might just be a few more months living with his parents, so for a few months if you have to clean their mess then that is a small sacrifice to make to make sure your baby is in a good envrionment.
Good luck!
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