A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi Cupids.I was involved in an emotional affair with a married man who has two children. I am married with one child. The affair was about to turn physical but he is the one who decided to walk away. I was severely heartbroken and devastated when he walked out of my life and cut contact completely. But I did get over him and despite the pain I am now stronger and feel I have finally moved on with my life.I saw him at an event recently and he tried to pick up where we left off like nothing had changed. He was overly friendly and interested in what I have been up to. I was polite and friendly to him but I left it at that. I did not seek him out or flirt etc. In fact, I stayed away from him. It was him who came to me to talk to me. I was polite but distant. The rest of the evening, I stayed away from him and talked to other people and did not pay attention to him at all. He was in another group of people and I could feel him staring at me the whole time. According to a friend who was there, he was staring at me the whole time and watching me to see what I was doing.At the end of the night, he walked past me to make sure he would get my attention. I said a polite goodbye and he gave me a very hurt and upset look. I just ignored it.I am wondering why he is acting this way. I am done with it. Yes, I really am. I know this in my heart. I am just wondering why he is acting this way now. Does he really think I would have been sitting there waiting for him forever? I believe that when you have crossed a line with someone that is beyond friendship, it can never really go back to the way it was. Because of all that has happened, it is not possible to be friends like before. I don't think he understands that and he seems to want to go back to how it used to be...I am right for standing my ground. I think he may be trying to make me feel guilty when in fact it was his decision to move on first.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2011): maybe his intention wasn't to rekindle the affair or romance but just to be 'normal' friends. but you were too hurt and had to keep your distance from him so then he got hurt. since he's the one who decided to end your romantic relationship of course it's easier for him to want to be "just friends" and harder for you. He was the one in control of the end of the affair. And he had rejected you not the other way round so you feel closed towards him now as a self defense mechanism, which makes it hard or impossible for you to want to be friends. a different interpretation is that maybe when he saw you it stirred his old feelings so he was hoping to rekindle the affair. maybe he truly hadn't thought about you all this time (so it's not like he expected you to be waiting for him) but when he saw you it brought back memories and he was hoping it would be the same with you.well this is the price you pay for getting in an affair. it's a romantic relationship like any other but has a lot more baggage and guilt and hurt attached to it. It's actually a wake up call that there's something wrong with your marriage or with your decision of staying married and you're not dealing with your problems correctly.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2011): Send my sympathy to his wife.
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A
female
reader, SOShelp  +, writes (29 December 2011):
 Ignore him. You have made your feelings clear and you are the one being mature. 1) He is cheating on his wife 2) You have obviously moved so forget about him.
On a different subject, getting into an affair is not the most intelligent thing to do. It's none of my business but I would say that it is not fair on your family
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2011): I think you know the guy is an idiot and you don't owe him a darned thing.
Stand your ground and make it a rule to NEVER get involved with a married anything.
Also please seek counselling to address why you would be alright with seeking any affair outside of your marriage.
Thats energy and time you should be putting back into your marriage. If you marriage is past saving then do what is right and just and leave your marriage.
COUNSELLING ASAP.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 December 2011):
 Sounds like he wants to be friends again and you don't and that's OK.
just let him know the next time you see him that YOU do NOT wish to have any contact with him and that you will NOT be receptive to contact from him on ANY level.
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