A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i'm confused about a personality issue. A couple I know is getting divorced. He pretty much can convince her of anything. He told her not to get a lawyer, not to tell her friend and family until after the agreement was made and signed and she does it! All through their relationship she really never had friends of her own, just his, he made the plans and she just followed him around. she asks him EVERYTHING. She can't make a decision without him. It's scary and I dont' know how that happened or why she can't speak up. She never fights back or questions a thing, never has. Almost childish in a sense. What could make someone liek that? is it a personality disorder?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2008): there are many different personality disorders and hell she might even have one but nothing you've suggested points to anything but her being kind of down trodden and needy. and just to negate any negative aspersions people with personality disorders are not necessarily controling and certainly not abusive (not to say none of them are but having worked extensively in this area i don't want people attatching stigmas)
A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (4 September 2008):
 i wouldnt call it a personality disorder more of a personality trait, i.e. submissive, introverted etc. She obviously is used to him running her life and he may have even been physically or mentally abusive towards her, certainly controlling at the very least. She sounds like she is better of without him. Meantime suggest she gets herself a lawyer and fights for what is hers by right but she may need the support of a good friend x
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister + ♥, writes (4 September 2008):
 He's probably the one more likely to have a personality disorder actually. All the key indicators of abuse are right there- dependency, isolation, control, subservience. It happens over time and I'd be concerned about this "male" friend of yours after the divorce, he's an abuser. He obviously is even sadistic about it- convincing her not to get a lawyer to protect her best interests, not allowing her family to be involved. Honestly? I'd say he is probably about as sociopathic as it gets.
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A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 + ♥, writes (4 September 2008):
 It's a possibility she might have co-dependency or perhaps just suffers from low self_esteem. When she never speaks up it maybe out of fear of the husband wrath or perhaps she was brought up to not question the Man of the house.
In either case it sounds like your friend maybe easily controled and the soon to be ex is doing just that! If you are concerned and if she will listen to you, suggest that she at least retain a lawyer for her own sake. Please keep in mind to be cautious in case it is a control or abuse problem causing your friend to not stand up for herself. If this is the case tell her she should seek professional help. There are places women can go..WINGS is one..check your area for local listing to help woman who might be abused or neglected.
Best to you and your friend. God bless you both.
Blue_Angel
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