A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Help, I need more advice. I think my girlfriend might be cheating with her boss. Recently it's come to my attention that her new boss has been texting my lady late at night. She dosen't know I've seen them and as soon as she reads them she deletes them. For the most part the texts I've seen aren't what bothers me but the time at which there sent. He will call her sunshine and other "pet names" but it should be said that she dosen't always respond. We've been together for 4+ years and things for the most part seem great. A few months ago I went out and even bought a ring with the intent to propose on our anniversary. This new job she took is taking up alot more time and I fear that all this time spent away is hurting our relationship. The week before her trip I asked how she was planning to get to the airport and she replied that she was going to meet her boss at work and then ride over with him. I told her that despite having to get up at 4am I would get up to at least say goodbye. I also suggested instead of her boss parking at the airport that we could pick him up since he lives close to us. The night before her trip she told me that it would just be her and I going to the airport and that her boss would have a relative pick his car up from the airport. I found this to be slightly suspicious but whatever. Later that night she went tanning and I could tell she was preparing her nicest clothing for the trip including taking a new LouisVitton purse that he bought her months ago (for a job well done of course)but she's never used....that is untill now. As she frantically packed untill midnight I stayed downstairs. She came down and what happened next you'll never believe!!!! She accused me of acting distant and said that on our last night together we should be more kissy kissy lovey dovey. I told her that since she didn't get home untill 7 and after her last min. errands,tanning and packing that I too felt like we should have some romantic alone time but that it just didn't happen. She flipped out and said that she would just not go on the trip and she'd quit her job because I seemed jealous. WHAT????JEALOUS??????? Where did that come from? Let me tell you people that I in now way acted jealous, suspicious maybe but not jealous. I told her that I loved her, I trust her and all I want is for her to have a sucessful trip and come back to me safe. She almost cried and then told me how much she loved me. She held my hand the whole way to the airport and has texted me and called me every step of the way so far. When I left the airport, when she got to NY for a connecting flight, when she arrived in Europe and again just to say goodnight coincidentally as I'm writting this. She tells me she misses me and loves me very much and that she wishes I was there. I feel as though I might be paranoid but this is so common for workplace romance nowindays espically on business trips. What do you think?
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (28 September 2007):
 I think a few things. I don't think you're out of line for considering in the directions you have. There's not enough information here to consider an affair, but is for some flirt type behaviors. I think if you have concerns you should bring them up with her more often. You're holding in too much of your fear of what might be going on. It's like construction you just keep building it more and more and the fear gets greater.
Another though I have is you're offering the boss a ride. It looks as if she offered and he turned down the offer. That tells me that he may feel uncomfortable being in a vehicle with you, but she doesn't feel uncomfortable by making the offer. So could it be that the boss has an additional attraction to her that she doesn't acknowledge as being there, or she just believes he's just being nice.
I would ask her though, out of respect for your relationship, that the late night text stops. She works with him, leave your job and your boss at work. After work is family time, and inappropriate for the boss to contact employees unless their paid for being on call 24 hours a day. I'd just tell her "I really don't appreciate your boss contacting you this late at night, this is our time, not work time."
I don't discount the possibility that it may be a workplace romance. I don't believe 100% that it is.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2007): This dosen't sound good, she sounds like she feels very guilty and trying to get some emotion out of you. You should really put your foot down, if you think she's having an affair [which she might be] why don't you confront her? ask her not to go on the trip with her boss. Your being an coward here I'm sorry, it seems like you don't care. Your letting her go off and she properly end up with her boss, when she came to you crying about her job that was your time to step up but you just played the good innocent blind guy. Your going to have too do something, you had major alarm bells, don't you want to fight for your relationship?
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