A
female
age
30-35,
*ostgirl90
writes:Hello everyone,I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now and we have been living together for a year. We are both 26yesterday, I borrowed his phone ( with permission) and saw he was on Craigslist looking at w4m in our city. After that I looked a little more. He researched about the scams and the fake accounts and websites that are linked with Craigslist and he also looked at escorts in our city.A part of me is thinking maybe he just looked at what the market is in our city/ out of curiosity ( we have just moved there a month ago. But the other part is thinking why is he looking at scamps and all of that too. Guys, if you look at casual dating adds are you going to follow through or could it be just curiosity?He has always told me he would never cheat because his ex cheated on him with escorts but now after some digging I'm wondering if the ex was the one doing the cheating or perhaps it was him...( I saw on his old phone that he did use some happy ending massages in the past before we met) I asked him if everything was ok between us and he said yes, that he loves me and all and that I am sexy and beautiful. I want to have some advice before confronting him more if necessary. Sorry for the lengthy post.
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (3 July 2017):
 While I don't agree with installing tracking stuff and goodness knows what else on partner's tech... I can kind of understand where you came from and why you did it. You wanted UNDISPUTED "proof" that he was in fact lying and you got it.
Had he NOT been "up to no good" the tracker would have shown that too...
I'm sorry it came to this. That you felt you HAD to play "big brother" in order to disengage from this unhealthy man, but the outcome I suspect is MUCH better for you.
Having to live in that area for 1 more year, well that IS doable as there is an end in sight. And at least you will have LEFT the relationship knowing that HE was full of shit and not worth your love, respect, and trust.
Better luck next time. Take some time to find your feet and enjoy life. Screw him.
A
female
reader, Lostgirl90 +, writes (3 July 2017):
Lostgirl90 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOn top of that, I have installed a tracking device on his phone, and Saturday night when he was running errands for me he did look more at adds. This time he was researching T4m in our city. I did not check if he contacted them. I did not need to, I had made my decision. But I can't believe he told me it was a "once in a while" masturbation aide. Well he is out of my life now. The shitty part is that we live in a very small city and i will for sure run into him a lot. Oh well I'll finish my contract and in a year I'll move
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A
female
reader, Lostgirl90 +, writes (3 July 2017):
Lostgirl90 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for the time you took to reply to my question. Every single message was an eye opener. I guess I was still trying to save something that was not built properly to begin with. The guy is out of my life, quicked him out yesterday, told him he has to pay half of the rent until the lease in our condo is over. You are all right, when you love someone you don't go flirt online and send pic of your dic. You are supposed to flirt with your partner! Messaging a stranger is not a healthy thrill when you have a woman waiting for your lovingly at home ; stupid me, that day he messaged her, I wanted to surprise him with a good meal so I ran to the grocery store after my 12hrs shift to get something good. So while I was working my ass off cooking and cleaning he was sending dirty messages to a random girl. Joke is on me I guess. If he invented to actually meet that ugly girl I will never know. My guess is yes: why would you spend some precious time messaging someone for a low quality picture and jerk off that...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2017): Sending pics of his junk to random women isn't cool! That's not just mischief. You have a right to be upset, he can't just dismiss that. He wouldn't like you getting random dick-pics or trading sexy pics with other guys.
He sounds like a jerk who likes to make you jealous and has no respect for you.
He deserves a serious warning. If he knows you snoop, then he was pretty stupid and got caught. If he goes that far, I can see why you don't trust him.
He really deserves to be kicked to the curb. But you won't do that!
If fighting about it is enough for you, then keep him. Expect it to get worse.
He tells you you're sexy and beautiful just to butter you up. You're stuck on him; so he's going to take advantage of that.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (2 July 2017):
 I'm going to be straight up with you here:
He **IS** cheating on you! Sending penis pictures to other girls on Facebook is creepy as hell and disgusting even if he were single. WHY didn't you drop his ass to the curb IMMEDIATELY after finding this??? Why did you suffer through his manufactured fake outrage at your "snooping"?
Sorry, but your relationship isn't healthy. He's making contact with other women. This isn't "curiosity". This isn't random porn. This isn't even webcam sex. He's making contact with LOCAL WOMEN.
He is a lying ass dog! A lot of boyfriends DO NOT do that while they're with the woman they love! Not a chance!!! His saying that to you is horrendous, and you BUYING IT and not throwing him out of the house immediately means you WANT to be in denial over just how horribly this guy has been mistreating you, and make no mistake! He's mistreating you BIG TIME.
Would he want you to send pictures of your breasts or pubic area to local guys you find on Craigslist? Would be he okay with you WORKING as an escort and making a lot of money doing it?
Listen to me very carefully! You have a healthy sex drive, and a million guys who DON'T cheat on their girlfriends would give their left nut to have a girlfriend who desires them. This guy you're with is beyond worthless. Let me say it again.
YOUR BOYFRIEND'S WORDS ARE WORTHLESS, and if you stay with him, you are a masochist who is knowingly choosing to be emotionally abused and degraded by his behavior and lies.
Don't waste any more time and kick him to the curb!
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A
female
reader, Lostgirl90 +, writes (1 July 2017):
Lostgirl90 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your replies. I did manage to snoop on his iPad and found he emailed an add on Craigslist and sent a picture of his private! I confronted him. He was furious that I snooped. He told me that he only contacted her for the thrill of it. He wanted to flirt, to get a response from a lady, masturbate and apparently forget about it. I am not sure how I feel about that. Private pictures should be sent only to your partner i think.
There is a huge difference between watching porn and emailing someone, even if it's just for the thrill of it.
He told me a lot of guys do that( I don't have a lot of boyfriend experience so I really don't know what to think of that)
I'm a little lost, he is furious and blames me for the whole thing
Ps: our sex life is amazing. I have a huge sex drive and i love to try to new things in bed. I'm not sure I understand his need for emailing an add on C-list.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (1 July 2017):
 You need to ASK him because, otherwise, this information will eat away at you.
There is so much stuff on line these days that it is probably difficult to find someone who has NOT researched something a bit "off limits" at some point. Whether your boyfriend is doing this out of sheer curiosity is something only HE knows. I would be exceedingly uneasy about it, given the extent of the research and his past history of paying for sex. However, without asking him, you cannot know whether there is a problem here or not.
Also you have to decide what YOU are willing to view as acceptable or not in your relationship. What is acceptable to some is not to others. If it makes YOU feel uncomfortable and unloved, then it is a deal breaker.
Bottom line: you two need to talk honestly. Don't let him fob you off with "I was just messing". Tell him your worries and discuss limits with him if that is what you need.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (1 July 2017):
So if he is "just" curious it's somehow OK?
That is something YOU have to decide if it is or not in YOUR relationship.
The fact that he has PAID for sexual acts in the past doesn't exactly speak in his favor. IMHO.
I DO think there are people who are curious. Who WANTS to try all these naughty and VERY available things out there but they don't go through with it. It's more the fantasy and the lewdness/taboo of it all they find exciting.
I would ask him what's up with this. You have been together for 2 years and lived together for a year so why shouldn't YOU ask him what's going on? Whether he will LIE to you or be honest is anyone's guess, you know him best so I'd suggest asking about it IN person so you can gauge his reaction.
If I found that kind of stuff on my husband's phone, I'd ask. I would TRY not to guess because the imagination isn't exactly accurate.
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A
male
reader, Phil052 +, writes (1 July 2017):
 I think he is probably just curious and messing around, but then I don't know him like you do! Difficult to judge from afar.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2017): Unfortunately, some guys let their curiosity get the better of them. There are times when you're alone that your idle-mind becomes the devil's workshop; and you randomly have to let-out the bad-boy who has to be kept locked-away, or placed on a time-out. He likes to explore and get into harmless mischief.You've subtly addressed the state of your relationship with him. I'm sure that alerted him that you sense or suspect something; just by the nature of your questioning. It's been two years. Do you generally trust him? How's your sex-life? Is he consistently warm and affectionate? Does he seem distant?If you do confront him; how do you expect him to react to your snooping through his phone looking for evidence of cheating?The problem with snooping is it unleashes reckless suspicion, corrodes trust, and that changes the whole dynamic of a relationship. If he's not cheating, he'll wonder why you wouldn't trust him after all this time? If he is cheating; he'll be smarter next time, and delete everything off his phone. So you'll have to judge him by how he treats you; and if he requires a lot of unexplained time away from you. You'll also have to do a self-check, and make sure you're being the best girlfriend. It goes both ways! Phone-snooping kind of puts a question mark behind that.Open communication and being direct is so much better than secretly trying to dig-up evidence. You could so easily be mistaken if you don't see all the facts and details. Things are not always as they appear. My opinion is, he was just being curious. Or he wouldn't have been that quick to offer you his phone. It's almost a given these days your mate is going to troll through your phone and devices. I don't like it, nor will I do it. You deserve to find something awful if that's what you're looking for, as far as I'm concerned.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2017): It sounds fishy to me and don't know that I would buy his story about his ex connecting with escorts. Especially since he's used massages with "happy endings" in the past.If you confront him he will deny he's thinking about cheating and you could give him the benefit of the doubt, but likely you will never totally trust him. My ex did something similar and when confronted completely denied any intention of doing anything wrong. Eventually we broke up and he admitted to cheating.Sometimes relationships run their course and one partner begins to get restless. That partner may not be quite willing to give up yet, but is thinking about cheating. This might or might not be his case. When/if you talk with him about this make sure you are clear that you want honesty from him and nothing less. I know how hard it is, but be prepared to move on if you have to. Good luck.
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