A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:A few weeks ago my boyfriend broke up with me because he said he didn't know if he loved me or not. He said he still wanted to be best friends and he wanted me to keep something precious of his that he gave to me to wear when we were together, but I gave it back and he was really hurt. The week after, I phoned him and asked if he missed me and if us not being together hurt him and if he had feelings for me. He said yes to all of these things, but he didn't know what he wants right now. After another week, I found out he was seeing someone but he wouldn't talk about it with me. I decided that I wasn't going to waste my time on him, even though I love him so very much and agreed to go on a date with another guy. My ex and I still talk and I happened to mention it to him and the day after my date he asked my mum how it went and what I'd said about it. He also told her he's worried about me. He's also told a mutual friend that he still feels really bad about what happened between us.Then he asked me about my date and got all funny about it and jealous.Does he still love me?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2007): No dear. He doesn't love you. He broke up with you to date somebody else. He may still care about you which is normal when you break up with someone. It doesn't mean he loves you. If he loved you he would be with you right now. Your best bet is to avoid him, at least long enough for you to get over him. Otherwise you are going to keep dwelling on him and take anything he says to mean what you hope for rather than what it is.
A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous  +, writes (19 August 2007):
He just sounds generally confused. It could even be that he loves you a lot and it freaks him out. But if that had been the case, he really should have talked to you about it instead of ending it.
If he's really not sure if he loves you, maybe he is trying to test it out by seeing other women and seeing how he feels about you after that. If that is so, he's an idiot.
Lay down the law and tell him he'll have to decide and that you can't wait for him forever and you won't, especially since he was the one that broke it up. If he decides to keep playing this stupid game, make it clear that he should stay the hell away from you.
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (19 August 2007):
I agree with everything Skye has said. Spot on...I would take Skye's advice.
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A
female
reader, skye +, writes (19 August 2007):
 Sounds to me like he really doesnt know what he wants here. He broke up with you, asked you to keep a token of his to wear, went out with another girl and questioned your mum and you about your other date then got all jealous. Seems like he wants to have his cake and eat it....then wants everyones elses cake!
You cannot allow your ex to play games with your feelings any longer or you will become more hurt and confused. I would tell him that it was his choice to break up with you, that he moved on and he cannot blame you for doing the same and that he should stay out of your private business from now on because he chose to no longer be your boyfriend. If he tells you that he wants to get back together, well that is your choice. You would have to decide if you want to possibly go through all this anguish again should he become indecisive in the future. He sounds like he could be a rather controlling person.
Otherwise break all contact with him. Do not phone him and dont take his calls. Ask your mum not to give him any personal information about your dates. If you bump into him, dont be rude but simply excuse yourself. I know this will be very hard for you at the start, but honestly it will get easier when you dont have him around all the time.
I know that you are feeling hurt by his rejection but you have to take care of yourself and protect your own feelings. You cannot allow him to rule your life when he decided to split.
Im truely sorry that this has happened to you. You deserve a guy who knows what he wants, and what he wants is you.
Take care,
Skye
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