A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i don't even know where to begin. i started seeing this guy over a year and a half ago. at the time when we met i was actually pregnant with another guys baby but the father didnt want to be involved at all. i decided that i wanted to keep the baby and was happy and content with everything. we first became very good friends bc i made it clear that i didnt want anything with another guy at the time. however, the more we hung out the more the feelings grew. he made it clear to me first that he wanted to be with me and cared for me. so we started dating. we became each others best friend and fell very much in love with each other. the other kicker is that he went to school 1000 miles away from our home town. so three months after we became serious with one another he left for school. despite the distance and the situation with me being pregnant our relationship stayed strong and we made the relationship work. he was able to come home when i had my son, and then we were able to see each other every time he had a break from school. he was amazing with my son and still is amazing with him. we ended up moving in with each other and everything still remained great. then he went back to school about 3 months ago. things were fine at first and of course just like any relationship we had or issues, especially with the long distance, but we were and still are very much in love with each other and tried to make it work. he started getting busy with school and working 2 jobs. and i am very understanding of the fact that he is extremely busy. i just tried to make it clear that if he didnt have time to talk then just say so and to try to talk to me like when he was driving from and to class if he knew that would be the only time he had to talk to me at night, but somehow that turned into me nagging him. he is able to text while he is at his one job and that suddenly stopped too. it was as if he wasnt making an effort to try to talk at all. i want to make it clear to that i never asked him to be or do anything for my son. he took on that role all on his own without me asking. he was amazing about all that. anyway, we started fighting more and he decided that he wanted to take a break. its not what i wanted at all. i wanted to try to work things out and talk through stuff. but i obviously didnt really have a choice on the matter so i went along with it. it emotionally really messed me up. i felt like i lost my best friend and love of my life. when we talked, which was still just about everyday, he still talked about the plans that we were making for our future and that he still wanted to go to grad school together. which became confusing to me and made the emotional part of the break up even worse. he saw that this was hurting me really bad and was like "well why dont we just chill out for a bit and still talk just not try to make this work till we can be together at grad school" and yes those are his own exact words. before all this happened to i planned a trip and book a flight to go visit him. so i told him i didnt think i could come down now bc i dont know how i could be around him and not be affectionate and still act like we were together. and he seemed hurt and suprised by that. and told me he still wanted me to come. so i took some time to think about it and have still decided to go visit him bc i think we need it. he still calls me every day and still texts me but he seems to be trying to talk more now that we arent together. i dont call him nor do i ever text him first. and we have been getting along great lately. then the other day he put a status up about how bad a day he was having on his facebook, so i commented on it to just leave a nice note and was like well ill be there in a couple weeks so now your day just got a little better. right after i put itup there though within an hour he deleted it. he didnt delete the status just my comment. and then the next day another girl left him a very flirtatious comment on his wall. and let me make it clear too that i am not a jealous person at all, he has a lot of friends that are girls and i dont care but this seemed different. and then i noticed later in the day too that after he saw it he then deleted her message and the fact that they just became friends online. now this is something that he has never done by deleting messages so it seems very suspicious to me as if he is trying to hide something from me and this other girl. i dont know what to make of it. i havent said anything to him about me noticing him deleting those comments bc i dont want to start an argument. and i know that we are single and can do what we want but in my mind if we are both still talking all the time and still making plans to be together then why would something so suspicious happen if it didnt. i guess what i need to figure out and he isnt being honest with me about this is does he or doesnt he want to be with me? does he want his freedom to do what he wants and knows i wont do anything bc he wants me eventually just not right now? am i just comfortable to him and is that why he wont let me go? i dont know waht to do. i feel like this isnt fair to me nor my son. and if he doesnt really want to make this work why cant he just let me move on? i need advice as what to do.
View related questions:
a break, best friend, facebook, flirt, jealous, long distance, move on, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2009): From my experience, having long distance relationships or the lack of quality communication (i.e. not just through phone, text, email or webcam but real quality communication together) can lead a guy to confusion.. I am not saying that this is the case, but IMO, this could be at the very top of the list.. Confusion comes in different shapes and sizes.. It happens to old people just like it happens to young people and there will come a time when this will happen to a couple, either strengthening their bond of commitment, postponing their commitment (when someone is unsure of what they really want for themselves and from their partner) or just plain breaking up.. If the last part ever happens, we always have to keep in mind that it was probably for a good reason.. Often times when we have a big portion of time or activities spent away from our special someone, there are some matters we are able to share with other people from which we can grow attached with (there are parts of you or your partner's day wherein you are able to share this with someone else just plainly because your partner isn't the ideal person to talk about it - probably due to distance, individual experience and so forth).. There could also be times when we are just plain looking for someone to fill in a hole that our partners cannot fill in (trying to find something else and see if we can or cannot live without that missing piece).. The thing is, we can't control what our partner feels and we have no way of reading what is on the other person's mind.. My advice is that if your guy needs a break, give him the break but be sure not to hold on to be fair on your side.. It is painful to be expectant of something that may not eventually come so just manage your expectations.. If you do plan to meet him, show to him that you care as a "friend" (easier said than done) but let him know that you are moving on.. Whether or not he will be there in the end - just don't cut bridges.. On your end, please move on if your partner is not sure.. Show him all the love you can give, your potential and what he could be missing out on but don't love blindly (you owe it to yourself to love yourself).. I suggest you just chill for a while, hang out with friends and look for something interesting to fill your life (you are very young).. Give him space and come back "when he comes back", that is... if you are still available by then.. If is meant to be, it is meant to be.. Goodluck to you and Godbless you both on whatever it is you are going through..
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2009): His behaviour sounds suspicious. Be prepared that he might be having an affair with this other girl. I know you are "single" on the paper, but he is stringing you along, talking about the future with you, wanting you to visit. Don't be intimate with him when you meet him next!!! If he wants to be single, then so be it, don't be his booty call. Let him decide if he wants you then he can't have any other girls. Even if he is on a break from you! It is very possible for the two of you to be on a break WITHOUT fooling around with other people. If he does that you guys will have a much harder time getting back together.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2009): Let me just start off with this, long distance relationships are the worst, and they are nearly impossible to maintain. Now, with that being said, I think this is one of those cases where it CAN work. It seems to me the distance is the biggest problem between you two, that and time. The longer you are apart the more you seem to forget the love you shared (not saying that you are doing it on purpose, it just happens with time). Like the saying goes "time heals all wounds" but in this case it is working against you. Time dulls emotions, sometimes in a good way, like with a death in the family, other times in a bad way, like a relationship. The key is to try and stay connected without being all over each other. Life is about balance, finding that perfect mix of two text messages and a one call a day, or what not...just to know that you are still there and still care. Now life and love is a two-way street and he needs to show he cares as well. If he has any plans on making it work between you two in the end he needs to put in as much effort as he hopes to get out. The best thing to do is to keep in touch, but not to suffocate him and to DEFINETLY go and visit him. One visit can change the whole landscape of your relationship. It is just the spark you may need to keep your relationship afloat and remind him of the fun and love you have shared. After your visit, you should know whether or not things will work out. If not right away, within the first few weeks afterward. In the mean time just give him as much space as he may need, but be sure to not go to long between talking. Based on what you have said, I believe that you two are just going through a rough patch, given some time and for him (and you) to get everything in order, I believe you two can work it out. You just need to ask yourself, if he is worth the time and effort (which based on what you have said I believe you do). Just give it time, and everything will work out...
Good Luck
...............................
|
