A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My best friend is seeing a guy, but yet she flirts with other guys and she kissed someone on new years!? Am i being silly thinking that she's cheating and that she shouldn't be doing this...I told her, but she said that she has been seeing the guy for only two weeks and they aren't really together, they've just been on a few dates, so it's all early stages. Which doesn't make sense, they've been on a few dates so they ARE together, they maybe not boyfriend girlfriend but even so, she shouldn't be?!But she said i'm wrong and so did our other best friend because apparently seeing each other, doesn't mean you're committed to that person unless you've agreed on it. I'm asking this because, i'm seeing someone have been for a while now and I don't go flirting or in fact kiss another guy! Or may be i'm old fashioned on this stuff....
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 January 2012):
 I see you belong to the classical ( let's not call it old fashioned :) European school of thought. For us ( at least so it used to be until very recent times ) "being together " kicks in since the first French kiss. Which does not mean you can't be a serial dater , or a serial monogamist. It does not work with person A, two weeks later you go out with person B. Person B does not quite cut it either?- straight on to person C. There's no stigma attached to that, and more so if you aren't being sexually intimate and keep it to kisses . It's implied that to find out a dress that suits you ,you've got to try them on a few , maybe many. Only, you try them on one at the time.
There is no need even for " the talk ", because ,unless differently EXPRESSELY agreed upon, it's implied how it should be.
Then, there's the American system : you go out with several people at once ( some times , though, not going beyond holding hands or a peek on the cheek ) then when you have made your choice, you have " the talk " about making it official or taking it to the next level , and at that point you only go out with that person. I find it complicated :)- especially if you meet people from dating sites . Because in the various months that you are exploring your options and making your choice ... the other person is doing exactly the same, so it happens that you choose a person who has chosen on turn another person who on turn etc.etc. LOL. And I find it superficial and disrespectful : you say you want to get to know me ? Then get to know ME, without other distractions, give me a fair chance, and a consistent chunk of your free time. People , in general, is busy nowaydays and if they have to dilute their dating time among three or four persons, the selection process gets tiring and drawn out, yet remaining at a shallow , yey let's grab-lunch-together level that hinders possible closeness. On the other hand, if you focus your time and attention on ONE person, it does not take too long to take their size, and get a sense of who they are as human beings , if there are absolute dealbreakers, etc.
But, that's me . And you. And apparently Cerberus. The American system is being exported successfully to the Old Continent and it happens more and more to find some girl that announces radiantly " Today X asked me to be his girlfriend ! " " But... didn't yoy have two kids together already ? " " Yeah. But that does not count . We weren't exclusive, we had not had the talk yet ".
A
female
reader, aliyahnangelo  +, writes (7 January 2012):
 Well this is a tricky subject. Maybe this guy that your friend is seeing hasn't expressed that he wants to be exclusive with her. Sometimes you really can't tell. I'm not saying that her doing these things won't cause issues but...it is her relationship. Only her or the guy she's seeing have the reigns on where their relationship leads. If I were you I suggest to her to ask this guy what if wants to come out of ...whatever they are. But all you can do is give advice or your opinion if she asks for it. I hoped this helped a little at least. Good Luck ;)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2012): You're both right. Technically it's not cheating because they're not committed and she is allowed to keep playing the field if she likes, it's her choice.
Personally I only date one person at a time and don't go near anyone else. Simply because if we do get serious I want to be able to say with confidence there was never anyone else.
But she's right too, if they're not committed and not boyfriend/girlfriend then she is free to see other people and so are the guys she's seeing. Some people like to have options when it comes to dating. As long as she doesn't do this kind of thing when she does enter a proper relationship then there's nothing wrong with what she's doing.
I think your way is best OP, there is no chance that way of feeling guilty or anything for dating more than just that guy, so from the start you were respectful and dated only him. It also prevents love triangles, and prevents a hell of a lot of drama and fights. You see she may find it all fun and games now but a lot can go wrong by doing that. She may find out a guy she's been dating is really nice but it got back to him that's seeing others too and he stopped. It can lead to fights between guys and it can also make trusting someone like her hard because she's a person who likes to fool around with more than one guy, how is any guy supposed to know she's okay with only being with him?
So while she is allowed and it's not cheating, it can lead to problems and will most likely bit her on the ass when she loses one good guy because she wanted to try out a few lemons at the same time.
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