A
male
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:Hi,My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 11 months. But as of late, she has been insanely clingy. She lives about an hour away from me, and after we separate during the weekdays, we haven't not argued once on skype because she says I don't "show" that I am missing her. She is very needy - we started to date in high school and my first year in college has been complete crap. I have completely given up my social life here, having no time for friends. We talk for about six hours a day and she gets angry when I want to go to the library to work alone. Every now and then I have the urge to dump her because it really gets to me. I'm her first boyfriend which makes things especially tricky.Don't get me wrong I love her company, but it's too much sometimes. How can I tell her she is too clingy without causing an upheaval, or generally, how should I deal with this? Reply to this Question |
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male
reader, trigger29  +, writes (13 November 2007):
it's never good to spend too much time together, after awhile you both lose interest. you need time apart to miss each other and that makes the times you are together more special! talk to her and tell her how you feel. tell her you love her but you need space sometimes. make sure you say you love her cos she seems to be very insecure. if she can't accept this then you will get fed up and leave so if your still not happy after a few weeks i say move on. i hope this was helpfull.
A
male
reader, pavel38  +, writes (13 November 2007):
It's a start that you recognise there's a problem & something needs to be done, because it sounds like she is basically both controlling & ruining your life (not necessarily deliberately). You say you argue alot, is it about this particular issue or everything/anything ?. Obvious thing to say but you both really need to sit down & talk, at home, when no-one else is around & you won't be disturbed. You need to convey to her that you really like her & are delighted to be her boyfriend, but that you find things 'smothering' & need to feel that she trusts you & that you can have abit of independence occasionally etc. Ultimately it sounds as though she's simply insecure & worried she's going to lose you. I've been in your shoes & it's an awful feeling, but it needs addressing whatever the potential consequences - if the relationship ends as a result don't feel bad, you couldn't do anymore, when it happened with me we both eventually mutually agreed it wasn't fair to carry on, stayed friends & still are over 5 years later. Hopefully though if you are able to make her realise that you genuinely do really like her & want to be with her she'll realise that not being so suffocating & intense can only be good in the long run. Hope it works out.
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