A
female
age
41-50,
*rtistchick
writes:Give me some feedback, my boyfriend always hides his phone, keeps in his pants and hardly lists any phone numbers, they are unlisted, just by digits, to top it off he turns his cell phone off when he charges it, the ringer is always silent, to me this seems suspicious. I have told him so and he says he keeps his phone off because his friends text him at 2 am etc. Guy freinds. I don't know what to think. I'm worried, I keep my cell out I don't hide it. Do yall think he's hiding something from me?
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female
reader, sweetheart1nonly +, writes (16 February 2008):
This is exactly what is going on in my own relationship though the only difference is that he tells me about the other girls and he shows me the texts sometimes but he has this habit of taking the phone too anywhere he goes and sometimes would hide the texts from me and show me later on if I keep pestering him
A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (15 February 2008):
 Hi
Its hard to know if he is cheating, well, impossible. But ive had a guy in the past that keept his phone on silent all the time. He said it was because it drives him mad keep ringing all the time, thats possibly true. He was his own boss and their jobs dont end when they walk through the door at night. But he never changed, and didnt like it if i had mine on silent. Other things split us, but i wouldnt of completely trusted that guy. Digits as names doesnt really mean anything, he could name women male names to throw you off suspision. Not too sure what digits as names could mean.
But i think you need to talk to him again about it bothering you. Ask him what the big deal is about the phone.
Im not a fan of secretive behaviour, it puts most people on edge.
Good luck,
C xxxxxx
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A
male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (15 February 2008):
You are being played with your eyes wide open! How can you hide your mobile from the person you love.In this day and age such behaviour is unacceptable and it's clear that there are some things he's hiding.I stayed with my ex for 3 months without touching her 4n which i bot 4 her! She'd even keep it in her brother's room when i'm around.What kind of a relationship will you have if you keep hiding things from each other.Demand some honesty or be brave and put your foot down and leave him.Liars will always make you cry.
Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, joannaleigh +, writes (15 February 2008):
 I disagree with the other advice people. I think there is something up. It may not be that he is cheating on you, but clearly he has SOME reason to behave in a secretive manner. His friends calling him at 2am does not explain why they are listed as numbers, not names. This is what drug dealers do, not the guy next door. Keeping things secretive does breed suspicion, so it's no wonder you are suspicious.
I would tell him that his secretive behaviour makes you feel like he doesn't trust you, and you'd like to have a more open and trusting relationship with him. If he's not doing anything wrong, why should he mind making his life (and phone) as accessible as yours? Make it clear that you value his privacy, you just feel that he isn't showing trust for you by keeping these pieces of his life secretive.
To be straight with you darlin', I think you're looking at a big old red flag. I'd take the warning.
Good Luck
joannaleigh
www.whatwouldjoannado.com
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A
female
reader, sugar_sugar +, writes (15 February 2008):
 That is what my ex boyfriend used to do, he even listed a few girls numbers under his brothers names in his phone (didn't find this out till much later). It turned out he was cheating, but that's not reflective of your situation.
Is there anything else that leads you to this conclusion, I guess if the relationship was solid you wouldn't be asking this question?
I wouldn't get worked up over it just yet, but I would speak to him about it if it bothers you. Surely turning his phone on loud for your peace of mind isn't a huge deal?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2008): We don't know if he's hiding anything, hun. But I would call his behavior a bit juvenile. How old is this guy? This is what a 16 year old adolescent would do when he doesn't want his parents knowing who his friends are or who's calling him, etc. Your bf is displaying quite the silly, immature behavior.
Let me tell you something. He is doing a very damaging thing to your relationship. He is seriously compromising the trust that needs to be consistantly built and kept solid. Without the basis of trust you have nothing. So tell me, how serious is he about building and upholding the trust in this relationship, dear? Think about this. You are right, when he behaves so secretive about his phone vs you keeping you phone out and not hiding it...you can't help but feel "what the heck is he up to?" What get's couples, in trouble everytime, is that one very explosive thought and that is: "I" am entitled to my privacy... No, that should be "we" are entitled to our privacy. I am here to tell you, that yes, you can have your privacy from everyone else in the whole wide world...except your beloved, the person who lovingly commits to you and shares your life. His privacy becomes yours...you both share that together.
Eg: My fiancee and I share a life, we love each other, we have nothing to hide. Thus we share everything. That includes computer passwords, cell phones, we see each other's emails, text messages, even personal letters/ cards. I really could care less if he wanted to see everything. Really, I'm serious. Why? Because our two lives that have combined and we have nothing to hide. What's mine is his...what's his is mine. Plain and simple.
I suggest you tell him that you think he's damaging the relationship with this behavior. And if he has nothing to hide, he leaves his phone out in the open, like you do. If he won't do that for you, then you don't have much of a solid base here to work on. And the more you both insist on 'privacy', the more this relationship will sink until there is not one iota of trust...and that's so sad, isn't it? When someone overlooks their responsibilities in a relationship or disregards the other by acting this way...it is time to re-evaluate. I think it is time to pull back and see whether he is committed to you or just the convenience of you,
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (15 February 2008):
 I think you are paranoid. You should not control everything your b/f do.Give him some space and don't breathe down his neck and suffocate him.
In any relationship , you should give some leeway.A relationship based on fear and suspicion will not last.
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A
male
reader, I am just like you +, writes (15 February 2008):
I would ask him for his phone if he has nothing to hide he will pass it over to you , It may be that he has been texting messaging to sex sites and is scared you will find out ,don't be put out if this is what is happening ,Men do this my advise confront him tell him how you feel but if you find he is seeing some else there are to ways to deal with this one is get rid or make him understand what he is going to lose and thats YOU .
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2008): Sounds kind of like how my boyfriend used to be. I had to actually get hold of it one time and just look through it to ease my mind! It ended up that he was actually talking to another girl and it took us quite awhile to resolve that conflict. But tell him that if you guys are to keep the trust in your relationship then he shouldn't hide anything from you, and tell him that you do in fact think that his behavior with his phone is suspicious and you are worried. His reaction should be a willing one, if not... I'd just be careful! I hope this is a little helpful to you! :)
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