A
female
age
30-35,
*alcon1
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years now, we have been through just about every wrong path a relationship can take... But we still care for each other. My family tells me to let go and move on, his family is embracing our relationship and encouraging us to work it out. We have both done some bad things so it's not like only one of us is to blame for the past problems. Lately we've been arguing a bit (I'm a pretty fiery person!), and he gets the brunt of all the emotions. He said recently that he's just had too much. How can I let him know that I really want to save our relationship? I know he still loves me, but I feel like he's giving up? Should we try to save it with so much water already under the bridge? Thanks.
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (15 February 2008):
 During the past 3 years what have you learned? Part of the problem here is your letting each bad event be a building block for a new bad event. The water under the bridge, you need to close that bridge. Start with a clean slate. You need to forgive him and he you and forgive yourselves for allowing this relationship to take this dive.
A big problem in relationships is trying to judge the actions or personalities of someone else because they don't fit exactly what we'd do. That's wrong. You're not with him because he's like you, you're with him because you're different. You two were brought together because of something about the other person you like. It's Ok for both of you to not be perfect.
How I look at relationships is fairly simple, but sometimes hard to stick with. Relationships are a choice. You choose to be with him, he chooses to be with you. Neither one has ownership over the other person or can dictate to the other persons activities or who the associate with. Now if the other person chooses to act in a way that would violate the relationship,then the person violated can make a choice to forgive them or to remain with that person.
So you understand, that the "art" of arguments and it's purpose is to hear the other side and come to a compromise that works for both. It's not a battle of the powers.
Take care.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (15 February 2008):
 Tell him that you want to start all over again from scratch. Begin a new phase in your life. Ask him to give your relationship another chance. Try to learn from your past mistakes and inexperiences.
If there is still an ounce of love inside of you , do not give up hope.Keep on building your house of hope.
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