A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Do you or your significant other like to give or receive oral sex? If not do you pressure them (the whole "if you love me" thing") or do you leave it alone?I've been with my boyfriend for some years. I don't get sexually frustrated, but I'm trying to understand from his view. I will give him oral sex and that's it (no intercouse I mean he accepted that deal and understands my reasons for it) I don't like receiving it and giving it feels like a chore. Recently though, he has been getting upset because of lack of blow jobs. I give him handies and - sorry for my language- tittie fucks. Can you still feel frustrated if you don't have my mouth? He cums regardless and he seems to love them. I'm confused. I don't like oral (i do it but not every day) but he acts like he never gets it at all. Should a guy really get upset over that?Would you?I just want to compare experiences. I just want to understand. I heard people say just do it to make him happy, but I thought I was fair. I guess not.
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blow-job, oral sex, sexually frustrated Reply to this Question
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male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (21 March 2014):
"if you love me" thing" This goes both ways…If he really loves you, he would respect you first. Maybe with some respect he might actually get a little more of what he wants.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (20 March 2014):
 a good HJ is ten times better than a poor BJ any day of the week. He should be quite content!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (20 March 2014):
 OK I'm going to go with your BF being really inexperienced.
1. if you NEED lube, you aren't turned on enough.
2. you aren't going to GET orgasms from him inserting finger(s) inside your vagina. He needs to READ up or explore your clitoris. And SO do you. LEARN how you can get YOURSELF off THEN show him. Or you will be stuck with sex that isn't satisfying for you AT ALL.
3. look into erotic massages, it will help you get turned on and relax at the same time.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (20 March 2014):
 I just noticed your age. I didn't realize you were still quite young, so my apologies.
But no, I don't think it's right to make manipulative comments like "if you loved me..." blah blah blah. Not okay. If you enjoy it and feel comfortable that's great. If not, than he can deal with it or leave. But not manipulate or guilt trip you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAt first we said we would wait till after highschool then one summer I had a embarrassing accident (fell on the metal rails for my hospital bed and hurt myself down there my doctor had a laugh). So my pelvic bone is healed and all bruising is gone, but I just want to wait some more for sex (I know its silly but the pain was terrible).
He likes to please me, but it gets a little boring. We ordered some toys off line to help (hopefully it does for both of us). But right now the attention is mostly on him.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (20 March 2014):
Wait, am I understanding you correctly; no sex at all, just hand jobs, oral, etc? Why no sex?
Personally, I would be willing to try whatever my partner wanted because I love making her happy. Making her happy makes me happy. however, she would never pull that whole ,"if you love me..." line. But she would never have to. So I guess it goes both ways.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI give him oral just not as much as he likes (he wants it a lot but I get tired or bored).
Sometimes if I'm feeling up for it there is heavy petting for me (not much anymore as I get tired from helping him ). We've played with me first but that takes awhile and some times hurts (im small lube helps a little). He would love to please me, but I haven't actually gotten off or found the big O, but that's not that much of a big deal to me. We bought some toys off line (hopefully that makes things fun).
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (19 March 2014):
I don't think you should ever feel pressured to do something you don't like doing. BUT I agree that making your partner feel GREAT should not be a chore, it should be something you would want to do for him.
I don't like receiving oral (hubby isn't very good at it honestly and I get bored) but he DOES love to receive and I LOVE to watch him enjoy it. Do I like giving head? no, not really but watching him makes up for it.
I often include it as part of foreplay, because as much as it's fun to watch him he could last a good 45 minutes and my jaws can't handle that. So.. it's part of the foreplay. (for the most part).
Oral is different without a doubt from a hand-job and "tittieplay".
However, if my husband pulled a "if you love me you will do a,b or c" We would have a problem. Because that is "blackmail" or simple manipulation. And then it would be a CHORE.
So do you NOT at all get off? You do all the work and he doesn't get you off at all?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2014): Here's my take: (I'm a 23-year-old woman, btw):I love it when guys go down on me. It feels amazing and I'm always more than happy to reciprocate. If I was with a guy that never, ever, wanted to do that I would feel sexually incompatible and it would probably be a dealbreaker (although you never know, sometimes people more than make up for any "shortcomings" so it's hard to say that for sure).Anyway, I would never, ever, say "If you love me…" because I don't think that's true. You can love someone and still not want to give/receive oral sex.However, in the past if I was in the mood for oral I would tell my ex, "I would love it if you would go down on me right now" and he would always oblige. I'm sure it wasn't his favorite thing (because he never volunteered) but if I asked him he would and that was enough for me :)Besides…I would always return the favor! I do think that if you love someone it is easier to look past discomfort you might have because it makes you happy to see your partner happy…but I'm sure that's not true for everyone.Honestly, if he's pressuring you and you're both unhappy about it…I think you should break up and find someone more compatible :)Good luck!
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (19 March 2014):
I personally believe that you should strive to make your partner happy, even if you're not a fan of something. I don't like dancing, my wife loves it, so we dance.
If my wife wanted me to go down on her and I wasn't a fan, I'd do it.
My wife rarely gives me BJ's and honestly I find myself a little annoyed and I occasionally fantasize about getting one from someone else. But I don't pressure her. I also get enough sex to be satisfied, so it's not a big deal.
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