A
male
age
16-17,
anonymous
writes:Hello there. I am Calvin and I have posted some things to give advice and I posted before for advice on me and my girlfriend Susie about some other stuff about being virgins and dealing with haters at school. She is two years older than me and we are in high school. My question today is about something different than what I originally posted about. We love each other and I am like even more into her than she is into me even though she makes me feel awesome as a boyfriend. I mean it is like obvious to everyone who knows us I am kind of near-obsessed and I need to like on purpose dial myself back sometimes. I have been thinking about the fact she will graduate before me and go on to college or whatever and I will still be in high school for two years. She is a junior now so we have some time, but whenever I think about that I get so sad. In theory we could stay a couple and I would want to try it and I hope she would, but does that sort of thing ever work? Please be realistic with me so I can maybe mentally prepare myself if it is hopeless. Maybe I just enjoy the time we have and give up hope about the future. Or if it can work in real life, that would be nice to know. Just having worries and doubts and I dont want it to ruin our happiness but hard to stop thinking about it.Your friend, CalvinP.S.: If you are someone who does not know, Calvin and Susie are not our real names just some cartoon characters I used for our secret identities when I posted the first time. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2022): Reply From Calvin
Honeypie, we agree we should wait on sex. Susie has strong religious beliefs on that and I love and respect her so that means unless I marry her (which we are too young to do obviously) then we will not be having sex. She says I can think about it, but it is not going to happen. I am okay with that. I love her and I respect her values. I also agree I am not mature enough for sex and all that. We have definite boundaries that she is comfortable with and we stay in that safe zone of kissing, holding hands, and some cuddling. It is frustrating, but we are being good, which is not easy. So, I think you are totally right in your advice. That stats about happy marriages was good to know.
Youcannotbeserious, your advice about me not fixating too much on Susie is valid. I am definitely overboard on that right now and we both talk about how I am too intense and she encourages me to do some stuff with my guy friends. She does stuff with her friends and her sisters. I do not want to smother her you know. She was not sure about giving me a chance, but so far we seem to be a great couple and I am super happy. The other day she was needing a break and we kind of have an understanding for me not to get my feelings hurt if she says "go take a lap" which is something my coaches say but she did not literally mean run around the block. I actually hung out with her dad (who is also not 100 percent sure about me yet) and he taught me some Spanish and about Cuba and made me this insanely strong coffee drink called cafecito that had me wired for hours.
Anonymous male, I probably should have re-explained my original post again but assumed people would remember it. My GF has started a support group for students who are virgins and wanting to wait on sex and obviously as her boyfriend I am involved in it with her. It is important to her and we like have open meetings where people can come and talk about holding off against temptation, how to decide how far to go, and stuff like that. Well, some people decided to make fun of us and come to our meetings and say inappropriate stuff and specifically some of the seniors on my basketball team were giving us a hard time and hazing me about being a virgin. I was being vague and not wanting to admit I was a virgin and we agreed to say to people that was private but it like put a cloud over her and I saw some of the dudes putting her on the spot and she was trying to protect me when I was trying to be Mr. Stud Athlete and so I just outed myself as a virgin to get it over with and not put her on the spot. It was a stupid thing I was doing to look like a stud maybe and it was selfish. But the seniors nicked me BB for "blue balls" and they just talked a lot of trash and the one who was the worst has actually backed off and apologized after I did a thing where I stood up at the meeting and talked about my feelings. I guess they could tell how upset I was or how they were being asses to people who are just trying to be good the way they think they should be, but there is still some hazing now and then but it is more friendly than like truly putting me down like before. They do not crash our meetings anymore so that is good. So that is the story about bullies/haters and us being virgins. Sorry for not explaining.
Thank you everyone for posting. I will try not to dwell about the future too much and enjoy and appreciate Susie and all the wonderful time we have for now.
Your friend, Calvin
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (6 November 2022):
 I forgot to add, since you asked.
Being a virgin is not something dirty or wrong. It's a choice (for some) and I think a smart choice. Adding sex to the mix for young people who already have a LOT on their plates with education, puberty, and figuring out who they are, who they want to be, and what career they might want etc. THAT is a lot! Sex only complicates things. You can get to know someone and have deep connections without adding sex to the mix.
YOU get to choose what sex means to you.
Studies show that people with fewer sex partners and those to stay virgins until marriage are FAR less likely to be unhappy in their marriages. Funny how that goes :)
Institute for Family Studies, Nicholas Wolfinger, a sociologist at the University of Utah, has found that Americans who have only ever slept with their spouses are most likely to report being in a “very happy” marriage.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (5 November 2022):
 Do you have a future? Nobody can tell you that.
However, I would offer you the following pieces of advice:
Enjoy what you have NOW and try not to fixate on the future. The future is not guaranteed for ANYONE. Sometimes we are so busy worrying about what will be that we fail to enjoy what we already have. Vow to enjoy every moment, regardless of what may be around the corner.
Try to have a life away from your girlfriend as well as with her. Flattering as it may sound, it is not healthy to be focused 100% on one person. Follow your interests and your passions. Spend time with friends. That way, when the two of you are together, you will have plenty to talk about.
Given your ages, the odds are stacked against you lasting long term. However, that does not mean it won't happen. There are many couples who met as teenagers and went on to marry and be happy together.
Last but definitely not least, make sure you use protection when having sex. There is nothing that can kill romance quicker than an unplanned/unwanted pregnancy.
Good luck. Enjoy. You have the rest of your lives ahead of you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (4 November 2022):
Calvin,
None of us can see the future and know whether you and Susie will last. I have met a few couples in their 40s, 50s, and older who met in middle or high school and are still together. And I have met people who didn't last more than a month or two after high school ended (for either one or both of them).
There are no guarantees in dating. Or in life, in general.
But that doesn't mean you can't HOPE that it can last and INVEST in the future and the relationship.
My middle daughter (who is 20 and off at University) had a BF who was a Junior when she was a senior. They seemed like a really good fit overall, but she took a gap year and worked full time and therefore didn't have as much free time as he did - that meant he felt she wasn't as invested so HE "invested" elsewhere... He then dumped my daughter (his loss) and started to date a new girl. They talked about marriage (at 18) after 3 months of dating... it didn't last more than a month after they graduated so barely 4 months.
You just never know.
DO enjoy the time with Susie, learn and practice on how to communicate well with her, how to be open and honest and faithful. Even if you two don't work out, you will have learned a valuable lesson for later in life.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2022): Hey, Calvin.
Realistically, you would probably end up staying together if you both genuinely want your relationship to last. Of course, as she graduates before you you guys will spend less time together as she will have a lot of work. You can't predict the future so all I can really say is don't overthink about things and enjoy the time you have together as a couple. Also, you both might go separate ways, and want different things with life, who knows! After college, there is university and maybe you could both share accommodation as then you could spend evenings together. Because you're in highschool, it is unlikely you'd be allowed to leave the school site until the end of the day as well so you could probably both spend time together after the school hours. Please take my response with a grain of salt however because I'm only 14 myself. And, I don't know a lot about the American school system as I am British.
Your friend, Marcus (actual name)
P.S: Why do you get haters for being virgins? It's not a bad thing, and I can guarantee the people bullying you are virgins themselves?
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