A
female
age
41-50,
*1976nina
writes:Mom thinks that I should marry soon because I am already 31 years old. I also want to start my own family, however BF wants to wait. He claims he's not emotionally and financially prepared. I understand, but that makes me wonder. Any single NY men ready for marriage out there? Geesh... Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, N1976nina +, writes (2 November 2007):
N1976nina is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your great answers. BF and I had a very long talk. We're still together. He said he loves me and wanted to be with me. I'll give him another 6 months. If he can't be ready then, I'll get out of the relationship.
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (1 November 2007):
 It appears (at least to me) that more and more men are less and less interested in commitment. The majority of my 30 something male friends are perpetual bachelors who spend their time negotiating a series of 'friends with benefits' situations. This kind of situation suits guys rather well: minimal responsibility and plenty of sex and variety. Why change it?
This sucks for all my 30 something female friends. They are feeling their biological clocks ticking and are thinking of settling down and having kids. Unfortunately for them their male contemporaries are in no hurry. They have no need to start thinking about families, so most just don't.
I see this as one of the unfortunate and unintended side effects of sexual liberation. Women now are much more sexually free than they were, which is good, but a consequence is that men can get plenty of sex without having to do much for it. The result, sadly, is that men are less and less willing to compromise and really commit to relationships. After all, if the can get sex and companionship without commitment, why not? Previously women more ofter insisted on commitment in order to have sex, but that idea is seeming increasingly outdated.
Guys looking for commitment in their 30s are few and far between. And its getting more that way, not less. And NY seems about the worst spot of all for this!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2007): Will he ever be ready? I think your mum needs to butt out as you are over 21! You need to have a talk with him and explain that you want to be with him and marriage is what you want. Do you both want marriage and kids? Maybe he doesnt. Do you want to stay with someone who doesnt want these things? I think a good long chat is need with this guy.
take care
xx
...............................
A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (1 November 2007):
 It could be that he is seeing red flags! You said" MOM thinks I should marry soon because I am already 31 years old." What part of this post did you say you were? If he feels that Mom is pressuring the two of you to get married he could be thinking *Mother-in-law trouble.
It could mean that he really just isn't quiet ready for a lifetime committment. He does seem to be concerned that emotionally and financally he isn't quiet ready. There are people of all ages who don't feel they are ready to turn a long term committment into marriage. This doesn't mean he doesn't love you or that he doesn't want to be with you. For some it just takes a bit longer in the bonding process and they like taking it a bit slower. I am sure he wants to make the relationship work if you ever make that type committment.
Marriage can be a very hard road. It takes working at the relationship daily while you are dealing with all the other stresses in life. Sometimes these stresses can break the marriage if one is not capable of dealing with them effectively. When you think about how long you have been dating and the kind of connection you feel with your guy ask yourself if it is time to make this committment because you are both ready for this. Not because Mom thinks it should be.
You and your guy could need time to work out different things before you would be ready to commit for a lifetime. The financal burdens of a marriage can also cause a marriage to fail. Sometimes in marriage the burden of money can cause many problems and they can become even larger if you aren't ready and to handle them. Many divorces are caused by financal burden.
Now on the other hand he could be stalling for other reasons. I would suggest you give it a bit more time. Since I don't know how long you two have been together I would suggest at least a year of dating before moving forward. Don't rush your life you still have time to make this very important decision. Choose wisely. "Anything worth having is worth waiting for."
Best wishes and may God bless you both. Seek God's Will and you will find out that it will all work it's self out.
...............................
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (1 November 2007):
 Hi,
Men eh? what can you do!
I'm not too sure what he means by not being ready emotionally. That sounds like a bit of a cop out. If you are together and in your 30's what's the problem?
As for financial concerns, that is different. We guys stress about how we will support our partners if they become pregnant and take time of for babies. There's the mortgage to pay, bills, living expenses. If you have the same job you wonder how on earth you can afford it. So I can definitely understand his concerns there.
But the emotioanl aspect is a bit weak, I think he needs to explain himself there.
p.s. most of my friends have children, yet only one couple bothered to get married. Could your boyfriend like them who think its only a piece of paper?
Anyway, Good luck!
...............................
|
